The True Adventures Of Rudy Kazootie

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda are passing a warm sunny afternoon in the time honoured tradition of the terminally bored. They’re doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Hilda- I need a piece of sky with a smidge of smoke and a slightly bulbous doohickey.

Zelda- Here you go.

She hands the piece to Hilda and she fits it in the puzzle.

Hilda- You know it’s funny but when you live a thousand years, jigsaw puzzles don’t seem like such a waste of time.

Sabrina enters via the back door.

Sabrina- Hey I’m home. Wow, you guys haven’t moved since I left this morning.

Zelda- Hi Sabrina, how was school?

Sabrina- Great! Libby dropped her tray at lunch for the third day in a row. I’m getting really good at that.

She heads for the freezer as Hilda gives her a thumbs up for that and fits another piece into the puzzle. She stands.

Hilda- Yes! Now you can read Hindenberg.

Sabrina opens the freezer, but the freezer is bare.

Sabrina- There’s nothing in the freezer, we’re all out of ice-cream.

Hilda- Aren’t you forgetting something?

Sabrina- I know. I’m not supposed to eat sweets before dinner.

Hilda- No, we’re witches. (She points at the freezer.) Dig in.

Sabrina opens the freezer again to find it full to bursting with a fast variety of flavoured ice-creams.

Sabrina- Cool! Do you want some?

Hilda- Of course.

She reaches in for a tub of strawberry ripple and has to snatch her hand back quickly as the door swings shut again. Sabrina and Hilda turn round to see Zelda’s finger out of it’s holster.

Zelda- And you shouldn’t eat sweets before dinner.

Run opening credits.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem is lay on Sabrina’s bed as she thumbs through her magic book for a specific spell.

Sabrina- Rollerblades. Why can’t I find a spell for Rollerblades? Salem help me, it’s like you don’t care.

Salem- Oh I care. I care deeply about your... What was it?

Sabrina- Rollerblades.

Salem- Did you check under sporting goods?

Sabrina- Oh. (Reading) 'Sporting events, to win, lose or tie' Huh! that’s all you have to do to influence the game?

She bobs her fist up and down beside her ear twice then points.

Sabrina- Easy.

Salem- Hey, don’t mess around with that unless you give me time to call my bookie.

Sabrina- Here we go. (Reading) 'Sporting goods' they have inline skates. Okay, I need an old shoe box.

She roots one out from under her bed.

Sabrina- (Reading) 'A gift from a quick footed animal.'

She deftly plucks one of Salem’s whiskers.

Salem- Aw! That wasn’t a gift.

She puts the whisker in the box.

Sabrina- Okay, here goes. Come on Rolleblades.

She points at the box and it expands getting a picture of a pair of Rollerblades on it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Yes! It worked. I made... Rollerblaws?

Hilda arrives at the door.

Hilda- Sabrina, d’ya want some breakfast?

Sabrina- No thanks, I’ll be out Rollerblawing.

Hilda- What’s wrong?

Salem- She wanted inline skates but she wanted a brand name.

Hilda- Oh you can’t do that. We have strict copyright laws ever since the seventies when witches way over did the Gucci.

Salem- You can still get decent knock off’s from the Hong Kong witches.

Sabrina- Look, I don’t care about labels. It’s just Rollerblaws aren’t the same, I mean even the kid on the box isn’t having any fun.

Hilda- Well then there’s only one thing to do.

Sabrina- You’ll buy me Rollerblades?

Hilda- No, you’ll get a job like the rest of us.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina checks out the notice board for any job opportunities along with another girl.

Sabrina- Baby-sitter needed, triplets.

Girl- It’s been up there for years.

Sabrina- Oh here’s one, earn money watching TV.

She reaches for the card but the other girl is quicker and snatches it from the board before Sabrina’s halfway there.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey, that was mine!

Girl- You’ve got to be more aggressive in this job market.

The girl turns and leaves as another girl comes looking for a bit of spending money.

Sabrina- Oh here’s another baby-sitting job and just one kid.

The girl beside her sees the add too and reaches for it but this time Sabrina’s like greased lightning and beats her easily.

Int. School hallway later. Sabrina’s on the pay-phone talking to her potential employer, Carol. She’s at home where she has been a virtual prisoner for the last year, watching over her son Rudy. He’s at that age were he’s toddling around getting into everything and leaving toys strewn around the house. He’s a full time job and then some.

Sabrina- I’m very responsible and I love children, I even was one.

Carol- Tonight? Can you start tonight?

Sabrina- Tonight? Ah I guess I could.

Carol- (To Rudy) Not so fast now, you're gonna fall down honey. (To Sabrina) No this is really great, I really appreciate this. My husband and I never get out.

The school bell rings.

Sabrina- Oh, I really should get to class.

Carol- Wait! Don’t go please, I need adult conversation! What’s happening in the world?

Sabrina- Well look, I’ll see you tonight and in the mean time you can watch MTV news.

She hangs up and hurries off to class.

Int. Science class.

Mr. Pool- Now cells reproduce by mitosis.

Sabrina slips in late after being on the phone and tries to sneak to her desk without being seen but even with his back to the class Mr. Pool has that sixth sense that all teachers seem to possess.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) Thank you for joining us Miss Spellman. I was just about to tell the class what mitosis is, do you know?

Sabrina- It’s a... science thing?

Mr. Pool- Listen closely, you just might learn something.

Sabrina sits and gets her books out.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) Mitosis is a process in which...

Int. Science class, later.

Mr. Pool- And there you have it in a zygote.

The bell rings and everyone starts packing up their stuff.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) All right, er since we’ve covered so much material today I’m going to move the test up to tomorrow. Have fun studying.

Harvey- But Mr. Pool, tonight’s game four of the world series!

Mr. Pool- No, really? Well since I’ll be stuck here hosting parents' night I guess we’ll all be missing the series together. Vindictive? Perhaps but it’s what gets me through the day.

Int. School hallway. Harvey catches up with Sabrina.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina. My hand kind of cramped up after 'Mitosis is', so I was wondering if maybe we could get together and study tonight?

Sabrina- You and me?

Harvey- That’s what 'we' means.

Sabrina- Yeah sure. Oh wait I can’t, I’m baby-sitting tonight but I bet you could come over. They’re desperate.

Harvey- So, cool?

Sabrina- Yeah cool!

Harvey- Cool!

Harvey leaves and Sabrina makes an ecstatic little gesture mouthing Yes!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda takes her coat from the peg and shouts up the stairs.

Zelda- Hilda hurry up, we’ve got to go.

Salem- I still don’t understand why I can’t go to parents' night with you.

Zelda- Because Salem, it’s weird enough that we’re two sisters who live together in an old Victorian house. If we show up with a cat we cross the line into Loonyville.

Hilda comes down the stairs.

Hilda- Zelda feel my head, I think I have a fever. I can’t go to school.

Zelda- It’s just parents' night.

Hilda- But I hate school. Oh my stomach hurts.

Zelda- Oh grow up, and don’t try making it snow.

Sabrina- Hey it’s just started snowing and it’s really coming down.

she’s just come down ready to go baby-sitting.

Zelda- Hilda!

Hilda- Okay! Okay!

She makes a gesture with her hand and the snow stops, Having three witches in town really makes the Westbridge weather services job a bitch.

Hilda- (Cont.) It’s stopped, there. No one was hurt.

There’s a screech of brakes, Sabrina glances out of the window.

Sabrina- Well I’m off to my job.

Zelda- You're all dressed up.

Sabrina- Yeah well, I want to make a good impression on the baby... and Harvey’s gonna be there.

Zelda- Oh!

Sabrina- Don’t ‘Oh!’ We have a study date.

Hilda- Hu-hu!

Sabrina- Don’t ‘Hu-hu!’ We have a test.

Salem- Hm-hm!

Sabrina- Don’t you start! Look it’s no big deal, I mean Harvey could have asked anyone to study with him.

She walks to the door with her bag and coat, turns and smiles.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Of course he did ask me. Gotta go!

She leaves. Zelda gets Hilda’s coat from the peg and hands it to her. Hilda looks sick and groans.

Int. Carol and Jerry’s house. Carol is showing Sabrina where everything is. She comes down the stairs to the living room carrying Rudy and points to the kitchen.

Carol- His baba’s are in the fridge.

Sabrina- Fridge; baba. Got it.

Carol- And I’m so sorry there’s not much food for you and your friend Harvey to snack on.

Sabrina- Oh I’m sure I’ll be able to whip something up.

Carols husband, Jerry comes out of dinning room with his coat on and carrying Carol’s.

Jerry- Lets go.

Carol- Um yeah,

Sabrina reaches to take Rudy from her but Carol holds him with one arm as she slips her coat on.

Carol- (Cont.) If he gets fussy or anything, just try reading him ‘Goodnight Moon’ and also you’ll always get a big smile out of him if you call him Rudy Kazootie or more formally, Mr. Kazootie.

Jerry is at the door gesturing for Carol to come on.

Carol- (Cont.) Okay, there’s his baby monitor and here are his Tookies.

Jerry- (To Sabrina) See why we have to get out?

Carol- Now we won’t be late and you call if you need anything.

Sabrina- Right.

Jerry opens the door and Carol leaves. Jerry remains holding the door and Carol’s hand bag and after a few moments Carol returns.

Carol- I guess you’ll need this.

She hands Rudy over to Sabrina and leaves again. Jerry follows her this time still holding her handbag. Sabrina sits with Rudy on her lap.

Sabrina- So Mr. Kazootie, what should we play first huh? Crazy eggs?

Int. Carol and Jerry’s living room, later. Rudy is tucked up in his cot upstairs, Sabrina answers the door, it’s Harvey.

Sabrina- Hi, you found it.

Harvey- Yeah, you should have just said it’s the house with the flying duck on the mailbox.

Sabrina- You really notice mailboxes don’t you?

Harvey- Yeah. So how’s the baby-sitting?

Sabrina- Excellent. The baby's asleep, so it’s just the two of us. Not that I planned it that way it’s just, y’know the baby was really tired so. Hey look, they’ve got a TV.

Harvey- Yeah I bet the world series would look great on that but I came here to study.

Sabrina- Right. So er, let's study.

They settle down on the settee together, each at opposite ends.

Harvey- Except my notes aren’t very good.

Sabrina- Oh, we can work off my notes.

She opens her loose leaf folder and hutches nearer the middle of the settee.

Harvey- Okay.

He hutches nearer also so he can see her notes.

Harvey- (Cont.) Mitosis is... Mitosis is...

Sabrina is suddenly very conscious of how close they are siting and sneaks little glances at Harvey.

Harvey- (Cont.) You know studying makes me hungry.

Sabrina- Yeah me too. I’ll go see what I can dig up.

She passes him the notebook and goes to the kitchen, in a very short time she’s back.

Sabrina- I’ve found all kinds of great stuff. It’s er, not brand name but I’m sure it tastes fine.

She hands over a selection of candies and puts some cans of soda on the coffee table.

Harvey- (Reading the wrappers) ‘Schnickers’? ‘N and N’s’? ‘Butterthumb’? Where do these people shop?

Sabrina- I don’t know but if you're thirsty there’s ‘Popsi’

Harvey- Do they have ‘You-hoo’?

Sabrina- No, but they have ‘Hey, over here’

Harvey- I think I’ll just have a diet Popsi.

She hands him his soda and reaches for her note book.

Sabrina- So should we get back to studying?

Harvey- Yeah. Mitosis is...

There’s a wail from the baby monitor on Sabrina’s belt.

Sabrina- Baby needs me, be right back.

She runs upstairs as Harvey sits back, picks up the remote and turns on the TV.

Int. Rudy’s room. He’s stood up holding onto the sides of his cot when Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Rudy, it’s okay.

She bends down and picks up a book from inside the cot.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Look your favourite book, 'Goodnight Moon'

She opens the front page.

Sabrina- (Reading) 'Hello moon'

She thumbs through to the back page.

Sabrina- (Cont.) 'Goodnight moon' That was a good book huh? Come on Rudy, be a pal. Harvey and I have a study date and don’t 'Oh!' or 'Hu-hu!' although I do sorta think he’s cute and... I don’t know why I’m telling you but enjoy your book.

She leaves Rudy playing with the book.

Int. Living room. Harvey’s sat watching the world series.

Commentator- And another quiet innings comes to an end.

Sabrina comes down the stairs.

Sabrina- The babys' fine.

Harvey quickly clicks off the TV.

Harvey- I was just checking the score.

Sabrina- You're really into baseball huh?

Harvey- Yeah but sports aren’t my only interest. I don’t tell a lot of people this but someday I want to be a dentist.

Sabrina- A dentist, that’s great. Who doesn’t love the dentist?

Harvey- And I’ve noticed that you have really good teeth.

Sabrina- I do?

Harvey- Yeah, but that’s not a professional opinion; that’s just me.

Rudy makes his presence felt once more over the baby monitor.

Sabrina- Oh, excuse me. Gotta go to work.

She jumps up and heads upstairs once more. Harvey clicks the TV back on and settles back.

Commentator- And welcome back to the world series.

Int. Rudy’s room. Rudy’s a little cranky as Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Oh it’s okay Mr. Kazootie.

She picks him up out of the cot to comfort him.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Come here, don’t be sad. Come here, big boys don’t cry.

She walks back and forth rubbing his back and rocking him.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Come on, be a big boy, be a big boy, be a big boy.

It’s working as Rudy quiets

Sabrina- (Cont.) That’s better.

She puts him back in his cot and leaves. Rudy picks up his baba and sucks on it as something very strange begins to happen.

Int. Living room. Harvey's watching the game as Sabrina returns.

Commentator- We go to the bottom of the ninth in a yawner. Somebody do something.

Sabrina- Well the babys' got his bottle now.

Harvey clicks off the TV.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Should we get back to mitosis is?

Harvey- Yeah, right. I mean the test is tomorrow, I really gotta focus. Mitosis is...

There’s a loud thump from upstairs.

Sabrina- What was that?

Harvey- Better go check the baby.

Sabrina jumps up once more and rushes up stairs.

Sabrina- I’m coming Rudy.

Harvey smiles and click the TV back on.

Int. Rudy’s room. Sabrina rushes in. Rudy’s still in his cot and is still a chubby blonde only he’s no longer a little boy, he’s a very big boy.

Sabrina- What happened? Oh my god Rudy, is that you?

Rudy- Baba.

Sabrina- Oh Mr. Kazootie!

Rudy laughs.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What have I done? I’m in so much trouble, I broke the baby!

Rudy- Baba!

Sabrina- We have to undo this. Okay, presto change-o, go back to normal.

She points at Rudy but her magic has no effect.

Rudy- Baba.

Sabrina- Go back to normal!

Rudy- Baba!

Sabrina- Urr! Not even close.

She reaches into the bottom of the cot and gives Rudy his bottle.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Here’s you baba.

She watches an apparently thirty-five year old looking man sat naked under a blanket suck on his baba.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh this is so creepy. We’ve gotta get help.

Rudy starts to lift up his blanket.

Rudy- Blanky?

Sabrina- No! You’d better keep your blanky until after we get you dressed.

Int. Living room. Harvey's become bored with the yawner and wonders what’s keeping Sabrina. He starts to go up the stairs.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina, you need some help?

Sabrina comes down and they meet in the middle.

Sabrina- No, everything’s fine. Er, why don’t you watch the game.

Harvey- It’s one strike from the end, unless this guy knocks one out it’s over.

Sabrina- Hey look!

When Harvey turns to look at the TV Sabrina quickly shakes her fist by her ears and points at it.

Commentator- It’s a home run!

Harvey- Unbelievable!

He dashes back down the stairs to the settee.

Commentator- Folks, we're going into extra innings.

Sabrina runs back up stairs.

Int. Rudy’s room. Sabrina is just finishing getting Rudy dressed. She’s struggling getting his arm in the sleeve of his jacket.

Sabrina- You could help a little.

Rudy- Nose.

He grabs at Sabrina’s nose.

Sabrina- Aw! That’s not helping. Okay, there. Now just don’t spit up on your dads suit jacket okay, go.

Sabrina stands and Rudy reaches up to her.

Rudy- Up. Up.

She looks down at his two hundred plus pounds.

Sabrina- You’ve gotta be kidding me.

The phone comes to the rescue of her back by ringing.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Gotta get the phone.

Int. Custer's Steakhouse. Jerry’s on the pay phone, Carol’s stood anxiously beside him.

Carol- Did she answer yet?

Jerry- Am I talking? (To Sabrina, on phone) Oh hi Sabrina. Yeah it’s Jerry, Rudy’s dad.

Carol- Is he okay? Ask her if he’s okay.

Jerry- (To Carol) I know what to ask. (To Sabrina) Is he okay?

Sabrina- Yeah, Rudy’s having a real good time, he’s riding his banana right now. How’s your dinner?

Jerry- Well they were a little late in seeing us.

Sabrina- Really?

Jerry- But since we got a table they’ve been rushing the heck out of us.

Sabrina- Oh don’t let them. You're there to relax, take all the time you want.

Jerry- Well that’s very sweet of you Sabrina. Well we were just checking in, so we’ll see you soon. Hm? Okay not too soon. Right. Bye.

He hangs up.

Jerry- (To Carol) See, everything’s fine.

Carol- I’m sorry. It’s just been such a weird day. I mean you almost went off the road in that freak snow storm and now I just have the funniest feeling.

Jerry- Stop with the feelings.

Int. Living room. Harvey still watching the game, Sabrina comes a little way down the stairs.

Sabrina- Harvey, I’m er going to walk the baby. You stay here and watch the game okay?

Harvey- Okay but it’s almost over. Only a grand slam would tie it.

Sabrina does her shaky pointy thing.

Commentator- He got a hold o’ that one, it’s up...

As Harvey sits engrossed by the action Sabrina leads the six foot three toddler down the stairs and out of the house.

Commentator- ...It’s hanging there. It could be. It might be. It’s a grand slam!

Harvey- Alright!

Commentator- There’s magic in the air.

Int. Westbridge High School parents' night. The parents are sat where the students normally sit in the science class room and Mr. Pool starts off the way he always starts off with a new class, he writes his name on the chalkboard.

Mr. Pool- Welcome parents', I’m Mr. Pool. You may look at me, a man in his prime, and wonder why is he teaching high school biology. Well it’s because I believe that science is the foundation upon which we build our future. That and I tanked my MCAT’s.

Zelda- (To Hilda) Mr. Pool is cute.

Hilda- You have got to get out more.

Zelda- I wonder if he’s single.

Mr. Pool- Excuse me. Er, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?

Hilda- I need to go to the nurse.

Mr. Pool- Er is there a problem...

He check the name tag she’s wearing.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) Mrs. Spellman?

Hilda- Yes, it’s my tummy...

Zelda- (Interrupting) No, she’s fine and it’s Miss Spellman.

Mr. Pool- Who are you?

Zelda- Oh I’m also Miss Spellman. We’re Sabrina’s aunts, Sisters, not-not an alternative couple.

Mr. Pool- So you're er single?

Zelda- Yes, and you?

Mr. Pool- Extremely.

They look adoringly into each others eyes.

Hilda- Now I really am gonna throw up.

Int. Spellman kitchen. It’s empty. Sabrina enters leading Rudy by the hand.

Rudy- La-la-la-la.

Sabrina- Okay just sit there.

She pulls out a chair at the table and settles the baby in it then hands him the 'Goodnight Moon' book.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, here you can read your book.

He tries to stuff the book completely into his mouth.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Or just chew on it.

With Rudy occupied she nips into the dinning room.

Int. Spellman dinning room. Salem is on the table playing with and attacking a small orange ball of yarn.

Salem- Yes! Yes!

Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Salem, what are you doing?

Salem- Er nothing.

Sabrina- It looks like you're playing with a ball of yarn.

Salem- I have urges Sabrina.

Sabrina- Look, can we deal with your issues later, I’ve got a bigger problem.

She picks him up and heads for the kitchen.

Salem- My yarn!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Rudy’s playing with his book laughing as Sabrina enters with Salem.

Sabrina- Okay, now what do I do about this?

Salem- Dear lord! You picked up a guy at the bus station!

Sabrina- No, it’s the baby I’m baby-sitting for. He’s fourteen months old, something happened to him.

Salem- Do I smell teen witchery?

Sabrina- Salem you’ve gotta help me. We’ve gotta change him back before his parents come home and prosecute.

Salem- What d’you want me to do? I’m a cat, go talk to your aunts.

Sabrina- They’re at my school, I can’t bring him there. Can you watch him?

Salem- I suppose.

Sabrina- Thanks, I owe you one.

She puts Salem down on the table, Rudy immediately reaches for him.

Rudy- Horsey! Ride Horsey!

Salem- Get him off me! Get him off of me!

He slips out of the baby's hands and escapes into the dinning room.

Int. Westbridge High School Science class room. All the other parents have left, only Mr. Pool and the Spellman sisters remain. Hilda’s gone to sit by herself as Zelda and Mr. Pool chat one another up.

Zelda- What an amusing Anna and Mary Platt story Mr. Pool.

Mr. Pool- Really? I’ve told it a thousand times, no one’s ever gotten it.

Zelda- Fools.

Mr. Pool- Huh.

Zelda- You know, we should exchange E-mail. What’s your address?

Mr. Pool- Er me? I’m on quicknet. My er, screen name is Biostud.

Zelda- You're Biostud? I’m Chem-kitten.

Mr. Pool- Oh, didn’t we meet in a chat room and discuss poly vinyl chlorides?

Zelda- Yes, and you are very naughty.

Mr. Pool- Well ha.

Hilda stands up and starts writing in the air with her finger.

Hilda- L-O-S-E-R,

As she writes the chalk copies her movements on the chalkboard and finishes with a curly arrow pointing to Mr. Pool.

Hilda- (Cont.) Loser!

The chalk drops when she’s finished and Mr. Pool turns round at the noise to see what’s written there. As he wonders who wrote it Sabrina opens the classroom door and unobtrusively tries to get her aunts attention.

Hilda- Hey Sabrina.

Well that didn’t work.

Mr. Pool- Sabrina! What are you doing at parents' night?

Sabrina- Nothing, I just er...

Mr. Pool opens the door wide and sees Rudy’s with her.

Mr. Pool- Oh I see you’ve brought your father.

Rudy enters and spots a planet mobile hanging from the ceiling.

Rudy- Moon.

Sabrina- Oh don’t play with that... dad.

Mr. Pool- Er, it’s nice to meet you Mr. Spellman.

Rudy pays him no notice as he continues to play with the mobile.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) Er, Mr. Spellman?

Sabrina- Actually y’know, he likes to be called Mr. Kazootie.

Mr. Pool- Mr. Kazootie?

Sabrina- Yeah, that’s our real name. It’s Scottish, you can...

Mr. Pool- (Interrupting) I’m Scottish too. (To Rudy) And I know now't of the clan Kazootie, Ah be ye a highlander?

Rudy blows him a raspberry.

Sabrina- Oh, we’re lowlanders.

Mr. Pool- Is your dad okay Sabrina?

He checks his watch.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) Oh darn, gotta go and work the bake sale. (To Zelda) It’s a er prestige thing.

Zelda- Oh, you do it all don’t you?

Zelda waves and Mr. Pool heads for the door.

Rudy- Bye bye.

Sabrina- Bye bye.

Mr. Pool- Ah yes, Bye bye to all of you.

He leaves and Sabrina closes the door.

Hilda- I thought you were supposed to be baby-sitting?

Sabrina- I am, that’s him.

Hilda- That’s the little baby?

Rudy- Funny clown.

Hilda- Watch it!

Sabrina- Look I’m desperate, you guys have to help me. Okay. Rudy’s parents are going to be back really soon and I think they might notice they missed a big moment in their son’s life.

Zelda- Well obviously you’ve cast some kind of spell, so all you have to do is reverse it.

Sabrina- Well I didn’t mean to cast a spell. This magic ruins everything, y’know he’s supposed to be in his crib sucking his thumb and I’m supposed to be studying with Harvey.

Zelda- Oh!

Hilda- Hu-hu!

Sabrina- Stop that, this is serious.

Zelda- Oh calm down Sabrina, just try to figure out exactly what you did.

Sabrina- I don’t know, I don’t remember. Rudy was crying, I picked him up. I said big boys don’t cry and I rubbed his back.

Zelda- Did you say anything else?

Sabrina- I don’t think so.

Rudy- Be a big boy.

Sabrina- He’s right, I said 'be a big boy'

Zelda- And I bet you said it three times.

Hilda- Oh! Mystery solved. You cast a passion spell.

Sabrina- Passion spell, what’s that?

Hilda- If you want something enough and you say it three times it might just happen.

Zelda- We like to call it a Travis.

Sabrina- Why?

Zelda- Randy Travis. Randy Travis. Randy Travis.

And there beside her appears a slightly bemused Randy Travis.

Hilda- I love this spell.

Randy Travis- What a-What am I doin’ here?

Zelda- Oh we were just illustrating a point for our niece. I hope we haven’t caught you at a bad time.

Randy Travis- No it’s fine. My wife does wonder where I keep popping off to though. Will there be anything else?

Hilda- Maybe later.

Randy Travis- If you need me, you’ll know where to find me. You always do.

He leaves via the door. Hilda growls.

Hilda- Now he is so cute.

Zelda- I love his new album, oh..

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Can we get back to me? What do I do to fix this?

Zelda- Exactly what you did before, three times but in reverse.

Sabrina- This is really weird.

She walks to where Rudy is playing with a model of a brain and rubs his back.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Boy big a be. Boy big a be. Boy big a be.

Rudy chuckles but that’s all that happens.

Rudy- It tickles!

Sabrina- (Cont.) Nothing happened, it didn’t work.

Zelda- It just takes time.

Sabrina- Well his parents are going to be home soon.

Hilda- You’d better hope they have a sense of humour.

Sabrina- Maybe I can blame it on a radio active spider.

She turns to where Rudy was playing.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Let's go Rudy.

But Rudy’s no longer there, in fact he’s nowhere to be seen in the room and the classroom door is standing open.

Sabrina- Rudy! (To her aunts) Where’s the baby?!

They dash for the door in pursuit.

Int. School hallway. A two hundred pound toddler toddles happily down the hallway.

Rudy- La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

Past some startled parents and round the corner.

Int. School cafeteria. Mr. Pool’s supervising the bake sale and has an unexpected customer.

Mr. Pool- Ah, it’s on the house Mr. Travis.

Randy Travis- Well thank you. Does it have nuts?

Mr. Pool- Yes, but you can pick em out.

Randy leaves as Rudy toddles in.

Rudy- La-la-la-la-la.. Tookies!

He runs over to the table with the cakes and brownies on it and grabs a double hand full and stuffs them into his mouth.

Mr. Pool- Hey! Hey! You can’t do that!

Rudy- Mine!

Sabrina and her aunts finally catch up with the runaway child.

Mr. Pool- Mr. Kazootie!

Sabrina- You can see why I changed my name.

Int. Jerry and Carol’s living room. Harvey sits engrossed in front of the TV munching on a schnickers bar.

Commentator- It’s the bottom of the fifteenth. Put an a pot of Java, we could be here all night.

Sabrina comes in with Rudy and ushers him up the stairs, Harvey barely takes his eye from the screen.

Commentator- (Cont.) That’s what’s so great about this ball game.

Harvey- Sabrina, is that you?

Sabrina- Yeah.

Harvey- You are missing a freaky game.

Commentator- Whoa! It moved like it had a string attached to it.

Int. Rudy’s room. Sabrina has got Rudy dressed in a pair of his Dad’s pyjamas and back in his cot.

Sabrina- You’ve had a big night, now let's go over what I’ve taught you. Rudy, how did you get this way?

Rudy shrugs and smiles.

Sabrina- Good. Okay, now it’s sleepy time.

Rudy- Read me, moon.

Sabrina- I’m too tired, play with your toes. Night.

She leaves closing the door. Rudy settles down with his thumb in his mouth.

Int. Living room. Sabrina comes down.

Sabrina- I could sure use a Popsi. Is the game still on?

Harvey- Yeah. Man, it could go on for ever.

Sabrina shakes her fist and points.

Commentator- And it’s an unassisted triple play! It’s over!

Harvey- Wow!

He click off the TV.

Harvey- (Cont.) You see that’s what’s so great about baseball, anything can happen.

Sabrina- Yeah, yeah, you never know.

Harvey- We really should study now.

He takes the note book and starts to read.

Harvey- (Cont.) Okay, mitosis is...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) You know, can we take a break, I’m wiped. This baby-sitting is a lot harder than I thought.

Harvey- Sure. I mean we could just sit here and talk.

Sabrina- I’d like that.

Harvey- This is kinda nice.

He edges slightly closer to her on the settee.

Sabrina- Yeah.

She edges a little closer.

Harvey- So.

He edges.

Sabrina- So.

She edges. This could go on for an awful long time but It’s interrupted by the front door opening.

Jerry- We’re home.

Harvey and Sabrina jump up, Harvey flipping open the note book.

Harvey- Mitosis is...

Sabrina- I didn’t expect you so soon.

Carol- We skipped dessert, I missed my baby so much.

She runs upstairs to Rudy’s room.

Jerry- How much do we owe you? Four dollars an hour?

Sabrina and Harvey quickly gather up their things,

Sabrina- Er actually it’s five but four’ll be fine.

Carol- (OS) Jerry, you’ve gotta come see this.

Sabrina snatches the money from Jerry’s hand.

Sabrina- Er thanks, gotta go!

She hurries out the door with Harvey following. Jerry goes upstairs.

Int. Rudy’s room. Carol stands looking down at her sleeping son in the cot. With the lights out he’s just a bundle under his blanky with blonde hair showing.

Carol- Look at our sweet little angel.

Jerry- They grow so quickly don’t they?

Carol- Oh yeah. Do you ever think about having another?

Jerry- No. We should go now.

They leave quietly as Sabrina’s magic finally starts to take effect and Rudy shrinks back to his normal size in very oversized pyjamas.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda are doing another jigsaw puzzle, this time assisted by Randy Travis. A bowl of popcorn is on the table for refreshment.

Randy Travis- I’m looking for a slanty green piece with a funny little waddle.

Hilda- Here you go.

Randy Travis- Thank you.

Zelda- You know you really have a flair for jigsaw puzzles Randy.

Randy Travis- I spend a lot of time on the bus.

Hilda- This is kind of nice though. Popcorn, puzzle, lightly falling snow.

Randy Travis- Yes it’s real nice. Can I go yet?

Zelda and Hilda- (Together) No.

Randy Travis- Okay, I’m looking for a sky blue rhombus with a little puff of clouds. Oh there it is.

Int. Sabrina’s Bedroom. Sabrina is studying for her test, Salem sits on the bed.

Sabrina- Mitosis is...

But she has something else on her mind.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Salem, I can’t concentrate.

Salem- D’you wanna play Risk?

Sabrina- I’m sick of Risk. Hey, I’ve got a great idea. Salem, I think I hear the can-opener.

Salem- Really! Please be tuna! PLEASE be tuna!

He heads off at a run for the stairs. Sabrina stands up once he’s gone and closes her eyes.

Sabrina- Eddie Cibrian. Eddie Cibrian. Eddie Cibrian.

Sure enough the Travis spell works and Eddie is in Sabrina’s room. He looks about himself puzzled.

Eddie Cibrian- Er what am I doing here? I was just about to pull Hasselhoff out of a burning Corvette.

Sabrina- Oh well you can do that later. Er I was just kinda wondering if you’d turn around for me?

Eddie Cibrian- Sure.

He turns slowly, Sabrina grins happily from ear to ear.

Sabrina- Thanks.

Eddie Cibrian- Is that it?

Sabrina- Yeah, unless you're into jigsaw puzzles. My aunts are working on one down stairs right now with Randy Travis.

Eddie Cibrian- Hm, sounds like fun. I guess Hasselhoff will have to wait.

He heads down stairs.

Sabrina- Wow, this magic thing isn’t so bad.

She closes her eyes once more.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt.

Int. Westbridge High school Science class. The next day.

Run Credits

Mr. Pool- You have the test, you may commence failing.

Harvey- Mitosis is...? Mitosis is...?

Mr. Pool- (To Harvey) Great game huh Harvey?

Harvey- Yeah, wasn’t it freaky?

Mr. Pool- Freaky? You want freaky? Randy Travis came to parents' night. Have you met Sabrina’s father? He’s pretty freaky too.

Harvey shakes his head no.

Mr. Pool- (Cont.) Get back to your test then.

Harvey- Mitosis is...? Mitosis is...?