Third Aunt From The Sun
Written By - Nick Bakay
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Jenny - Michelle Beaudoin
Mr Pool - Paul Feig
Vesta - Raquel Welch
Cletus - Miguel Marcott
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Hildaís quiet breakfast is disturbed by Sabrina and Zelda as they enter arguing.
Sabrina- But itís my belly button!
Zelda- U-hu! Itís our belly button. You can have it back when you turn eighteen.
Hilda- Donít tell me, she still wants to hang keys off her navel? Sabrina, even I think thatís gross.
Sabrina- I still wanna do it.
Hilda- Youíll regret it. I had to wait two centuries to have the ĎCromwell Rulesí tattoo removed from my shoulder.
Zelda- Thatís not where it was.
Hilda- Be quiet!
Zelda- The point is these things go in and out of style. You have to remember you're built for the long haul.
Sabrina- Well I think itís cool. But if I have to wait two years, fine! I will. Then Iíll just have everything pierced.
She leaves to catch the school bus. Zelda points after her and a few seconds later Sabrinaís back and sheís got her piercing. Only itís not where she wanted it and the body jewellery isnít what she had in mind either.
Sabrina- Okay, very funny. Now remove the bone. Remove the bone! Iím not going to school like this!
Run opening credits.
Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Sabrinaís happy and singing as she puts her books away in her locker. She has every reason to be having lost the bone through her nose.
Sabrina- (Singing) Shake your whammy fanny. Fu-unky song!
Jenny- Hey, what are you singing?
Jenny- Well are you going to science?
Sabrina- Well, figured Iím here, I might as well.
They head towards the class.
Jenny- So I was thinking about going to see a movie Saturday night. Do you wanna come?
Sabrina- Sure! But itís gotta be an early show, my curfewís midnight.
Jenny- Youíre so luck your aunts are strict. My parents are really relaxed which makes it hard to rebel.
Int. Science class. Looks like a partyís going on. Students are dancing in the isles as Sabrina and Jenny enter. Sabrina starts to dance along to the familiar song.
Sabrina- Hey Harvey!
Mr. Pool enters.
Mr. Pool- Alright turn it down. Shake your whammy fanny, oh please! Yíknow in my day we had good music.
Harvey- Mr. Pool, didnít you grow up in the seventies?
Mr. Pool- Yes... Never mind. Okay er today weíre going to talk about the bodyís largest organ, the skin! Now the skin consists of three different layers.
He starts to scratch at his arm.
Mr. Pool- (Cont.) The er dermis.
He scratches at his neck.
Mr. Pool- (Cont.) The epidermis.
He scratches at his stomach as the students watch bemused.
Mr. Pool- (Cont.) And the subcutaneous tissue. Whatís happening!
He scratches furiously at his legs body and arms.
Mr. Pool- (Cont.) I feel like Iím wearing a burlap unitard. God! I canít stand the itching. Argh!
Hopping and scratching he rushes off to the nurses office. Sabrina turns to Jenny and Harvey.
Sabrina- What do we do know?
Harvey- Well if Mr. Poolís not back in five minutes we can ditch.
Sabrina- Itís been five minutes hasnít it?
Harvey- Letís go!
They start to grab their stuff but a handsome looking woman in a red suit and glasses enters and waves a pencil at them like a wand.
All the students abruptly sit.
Vesta- (Cont.) Stay! Good. Hello class. I am your substitute teacher. My name is Vesta, Iím an Aries. Now doesnít anyone want to tell me where your teacher left off?
She picks Harvey out in the front row.
Vesta- (Cont.) You! Spill!
Harvey- W-w-w-we were talking about skin.
Vesta- Always moisturise and use an exfoliant. Any questions?
Sabrina raises her hand.
Vesta- (Cont.) Yes?
Sabrina- What does moisturiser have to do with science?
Vesta- Science isnít everything. What about beauty and art and culture? Why do we have to focus on science?
Sabrina- Because this is biology?
Vesta- Fine! You want science, listen carefully.
Later. The substitute teacher finishes and elaborate diagram on the chalkboard.
Vesta- ...The thermablast joins the ranials which I think explains it all.
She turns to see the students furiously scribbling notes as the school bell rings.
Vesta- (Cont.) Well thatís it for today. Forget everything I said. Class dismissed.
They all put away their books and start to leave.
Vesta- (Cont.) Except Sabrina. You stay after.
Sabrina- (To Jenny) What did I do?
Jenny- I donít know but if you're not out in five minutes Iím notifying the school paper.
Sabrina- Great... Itís a weekly!
Jenny shrugs and leaves.
Vesta- Sabrina, we need to talk!
Sabrina- Did I do something wrong?
Then her straight face cracks into a little laugh.
Vesta- (Cont.) No!
She takes off her glasses.
Vesta- (Cont.) Donít you recognise me?
Sabrina- Should I?
Vesta- Oh, Iíll give you a hint.
She spins and snaps her finger and her red suit transforms classy black number with white gloves and hat.
Vesta- (Cont.) I am your aunt Vesta.
Sabrina- Let me guess. From my fatherís side of the family?
Vesta- Bingo! I even carry a photo of me holding you as a baby.
She pulls out the photo and shows it to Sabrina.
Sabrina- Oh look. Thereís aunt Hilda and aunt Zelda. Is that Andy Worhol?
Vesta- Mm. Those were the good times. I donít know why but the eighties are always the best decade of every century.
Sabrina- Oh look. Iíd really love to stay and talk but Iíve gotta get to class.
Vesta- Donít be silly, we have a lot of catching up to do. Now where can we find a good cup of coffee? Oh I know, Paris.
She snaps her finger and the science class is suddenly empty.
Int. Le cafe neuvou. Paris, France. An empty table in the classy riverside cafe is suddenly occupied by Sabrina and Vesta. Sabrina looks out at the view of the Eiffel tower, then down at the huge cup of coffee in front of her.
Sabrina- You know the weirdest thing? Iím missing French class to be here.
Vesta- No thatís not the weirdest thing. I once... Oh no, never mind.
Sabrina- I think I really should have told someone I was leaving the country.
Vesta- Oh donít be so jittery. Drink your giant bowl of coffee and relax.
Sabrina- Three sips and Iím already vibrating. My other aunts donít let me drink coffee.
Vesta- Yes, the evil bean. Iím sure theyíre full of all sorts of cantís and doníts like (imitating Hilda) Donít stay up too late and (Imitating Zelda) No you canít get a tattoo.
Sabrina- You sound just like them!
Vesta- We lived together for two hundred years but weíre very very different. You see they actually enjoy living on Earth and I canít stand mortals for too long.
Sabrina- You know Iím half mortal?
Vesta- Oh! Not that thereís anything wrong with that. Itís just that, well mortals seem to have to work so hard for everything. It tends to make them bitter.
Sabrina- Oh like my teacher Mr. Pool.
Sabrina- What did you do to him anyway?
Vesta- Oh I just gave him a twenty-four hour bug.
Int. Mr. Poolís bathroom. Mr. Pool is suffering the effects of Vestaís bug. It produces acute anxiety, abject terror and uncontrollable screaming. We wonít mention extremely loose bowels as anyone who had a seven foot tall cockroach coming at them in their shower cabinet would suffer that particular ailment.
Int. La cafe neuvou.
Vesta- My point is that we witches can avoid reality if we choose. Thatís why I live in the Pleasure-dome.
Sabrina- The Pleasure-dome? Whereís that?
Vesta- The Other Realm. You could come and visit.
Sabrina- I donít think my aunts would let me.
Vesta- Well weíll just have to convince them.
Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda are in disagreement.
Hilda- Look itís been this way for years, itís time for a change.
She points at the armchair and in a billow of smoke the plain grey felt chair cover is changed to a floral patterned one.
Zelda- I like it the other way.
She points and it changes back in a smooth, smokeless transition.
Hilda- Iím not going to stand here all day pointing with you.
Salem sticks his head round the door.
Salem- Listen up! That was Sabrinaís school on the phone. They said she missed her last five classes.
Zelda- Thatís not like her! Where could she be?
Hilda- What if sheís in trouble?
Zelda- Oh I hope sheís not in trouble.
Sabrina enters wearing a black designer dress, pearl necklace, wide brimmed black hat, black stilettoís and designer shades. She also carries shopping bags from all the best stores in London, Paris and Rome.
Sabrina- Iím home!
Hilda- You are in big trouble.
Zelda- Where have you been? And what are you wearing?
Sabrina- I went to Paris with aunt Vesta.
Aunt Vesta arrives a lot less laden than her niece. She only carries two tiny little carrier bags.
Hilda and Zelda- (Together) Vesta!
Vesta- Bonjour maysur. Prezzies.
She hands them the tiny bags.
Vesta- Itís French.
Zelda- What are you doing here? I thought you vowed never to set foot on Earth again?
Vesta- How could I stay away? I had to see my niece.
Hilda- She was supposed to be in school.
Vesta- Well we tried to make her last class but then we stopped in Milano for Delato.
Sabrina- You have to.
Hilda- No you donít. You have to tell people when you run off to Europe for snacks.
Zelda- (To Vesta) And you canít just take Sabrina out of school.
Vesta- Oh Iím only here five seconds and itís already Ďcanítí and Ďdonítí Doesnít anything ever change around here?
Hilda points at the armchair. A puff of smoke later itís all floral again.
Hilda- We got new fabric for the chair.
Vesta- Itís mayhem.
Sabrina- Look, aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda, Iím sorry I didnít call. I was wrong. Can I keep the clothes?
Zelda- Oh all right, but go and call Jenny, get your homework and start doing it.
Sabrina- Itís practically done.
She heads off up stairs.
Vesta- Such a sweet girl and so hungry for life. Surprising, I mean with the example youíve been setting for her.
Zelda- We are setting a fine example. We have a loving home filled with discipline and responsibility.
Vesta- What about fun?
Hilda- We have fun.
Zelda- In fact, this weekend I have been invited to attend a very important meeting in Texas on the supercolider. So there!
The phone rings.
Hilda- Iíll get it. Itís probably somebody fun.
Vesta- I doubt it. So a symposium in Texas, who invited you?
Zelda- The Visual Engineers for the Study of Theoretical Activity.
Vesta- I suppose theoretical activity is bet than no activity at all.
Hilda comes running back in excited.
Hilda- You are not going to believe this! Iíve just been asked to play with the Conniff Trio in Orlando this Saturday. Itís a dream come true!
Vesta- Hilda, lucky you.
Hilda- I know you mean that sarcastically but thanks. I have to pack.
Zelda- Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! You canít just take off. I have to go to Texas this weekend, what about Sabrina? We canít leave her alone.
Hilda- Then we have to find someone she can stay with.
Their eyes inevitably drift over to a smiling Vesta.
Vesta- Maybe I can be of help?
Sabrina comes down stairs having lost the hat and the shades but still in her fancy duds.
Sabrina- Jenny just gave me the bad news. I have to read fifty pages by Monday.
Vesta- Kel drag!
Zelda- Um Sabrina, since Hilda and I have to work how would you feel about spending the weekend at aunt Vestaís pleasure-dome?
Sabrina- Iíd really like that! But Iím afraid if Iím too enthusiastic you wont let me.
Hilda- Itís fine! In fact it would help us.
Sabrina- Then... YES! Whoo-hoo!
Int. The Pleasure-dome. A large dramatically lit space littered with chaise lounges and coffee tables with art neuvou ornaments. Itís surrounded by closed doors. Vesta shows her niece in.
Vesta- Oh so good to be home.
Two liveried servants and a maid come and take Sabrinaís coat and bags.
Vesta- (Cont.) Welcome to the Pleasure-dome.
She snaps her fingers and both she and Sabrina are in startling new outfits. Sabrina looks down at the bright orange dress sheís wearing and wonders ĎIs this really me?í
Vesta- (Cont.) Ah, leave your cantís and your doníts outside. We have only one rule here.
She waves her hand and a neon sign saying ĎNo Mortalsí flashes beside her.
Vesta- (Cont.) No Mortals
Sabrina- Great! What a cool place. So I guess you're really into doors?
Vesta- Behind each one is a wish fulfilled. Go ahead, take a look.
Sabrina- Well whatís in there?
Vesta- Youíll see.
Sabrina opens one of the doors and sees a darkened room with people dancing and music fills the Pleasure-dome.
Brothers Junk- (Singing) Shake your whammy fanny. Funky song. Funky song!
Shake your whammy fanny. Oh funky song.
Sabrina- Is this what I think it is?
Vesta- Yes. Youíre back stage at a Brothers Junk concert.
Sabrina- Thatís a fact!
She heads in but Vesta pulls her back.
Vesta- Wait! You aint seen nothiní yet.
Brothers Junk- (Singing) Shake your whammy fanny. Funky song! Funky song!
The door closes.
Vesta- Open this one, itís one of my personal faves.
Sabrina- What is it?
Vesta- The hall of gratuitous praise.
She opens the door and Sabrina is confronted by her adoring public
Adoring Public- Youíre fabulous! We love you! Youíre gorgeous! Youíre beautiful!
Vesta closes the door cutting them off.
Sabrina- Oh that was fun! You know? I feel really good about myself.
Vesta- We also have a twenty-four hour mall and a restaurant filled with oo-ie goo-ie sliming desserts. And thatís a room filled with gorgeous single men.
Sabrina- Maybe Iíll just take a peek in there.
Vesta- No donít! Darling, they know youíre here and the longer you keep them waiting, the more theyíll want you.
Sabrina- Oh so thatís how it works?
Vesta- U-hu! So weíll save that room till later.
Sabrina- But Iím only here for the weekend.
Vesta- Well weíll see about that. Bob-bonís?
She holds out her empty hand and by the time Sabrina looks down it contains a plate of sweets.
Int. Supercolider symposium. Texas. Room 107. Zelda enters and looks around at the shelves of cleaning products and the mops and buckets by the wall. The janitor turns to her.
Zelda- Oh is this room 107?
Zelda- Well thatís strange. See thereís supposed to be a lecture here.
Cletus- Be kinda crowded.
Zelda- But do you know anything about a supercolider conference?
Cletus- No, but then Iím always the last to know.
Zelda- Well the invitation says 107 and itís engraved.
He takes the invitation card from her.
Cletus- Nice! Whoís it from?
Zelda- The Visual Engineers for the Study of Theoretical Activity.
Cletus- Why donít they just shorten it to... V.E.S.T.A?
Ext. Orlando, Florida. The Conniff Trio (Including Hilda) play beautifully but itís drowned out by the roar of engines as race cars whip by only yards from where they sit. Zelda arrives and she has to shout to be heard above the noise.
Zelda- HILDA! HILDA!
Hilda- ZELDA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Zelda- VESTA SET ME UP! AND SHE SET YOU UP TOO.
Hilda- I WONDERED WHY THEY BOOKED A STRING TRIO AT DAYTONA!
Thereís a race car crash and a wheel bounces by.
Zelda- WELL THEREíS YOUR BIG FINISH. COME ON, LETíS GO.
Hilda- ALL RIGHT BUT VESTAíS TRICK BACKFIRED. OUR TRIO JUST GOT BOOKED AT THE INDIE 500.
Int. The Pleasure-dome. Sabrina sits with her feet up reading as Vesta dances the macarana round the room.
Vesta- What are you reading?
Sabrina- ĎJude the obscureí
Vesta- Iíll say! Hey, díya wanna learn the macarana?
Sabrina- I canít. I promised Hilda and Zelda Iíd do my homework.
Vesta- Sabrina! We need to talk.
Sabrina- Did I do something wrong?
Vesta- No. Itís just your priorities. Isnít this obsession with homework getting in the way of your fun?
Sabrina- Well I have to study.
Sabrina- Because you canít have fun all the time.
Vesta- Why not? Think about that while we join a conga line.
The conga music starts up and they join the line of maraca waving dancers who come in on cue.
Vesta- (Cont.) Ha-ha! Anyone want paella!
Sabrina- I do.
Theyíve made it once round the dome when two annoyed aunts enter.
The music dies with a scrape across the record.
Zelda- (Cont.) What is going on here?
Sabrina dashes back to the chaise lounge and pick up ĎJude the obscureí
Sabrina- Welcome to homework land!
Hilda- (To the conga dancers) Move it along, there is nothing to see here.
They conga out of the dome.
Zelda- (To Vesta) How could you! You tricked us to get Sabrina up here.
Vesta- D'ah hey!
Hilda- Well the partyís over, Sabrinaís coming home.
Vesta- You know the rules around here. Now that Sabrinaís at the Pleasure-dome she can do whatever she wants.
Zelda- So thatís your plan!
Vesta- Please! I donít plan, I scheme. And forgive me for wanting my niece to have a little fun.
Zelda- I have heard enough. Come on Sabrina, weíre going home.
Vesta- Sheís staying here!
Hilda- Sheís coming home!
Vesta- Staying here!
Zelda- Oh you are so selfish...
Hilda- Come on! she has to be...
Vesta- She is sixteen! She has...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) EXCUSE ME! Can I say something about my life? Look you guys didnít tell me I could stay in the Other Realm if I wanted to. I didnít know I had a choice.
Vesta- Well you do.
Zelda- Of course you do.
Hilda- And we know youíll make the right one.
Sabrina- I will... Iím staying here!
Hilda- But Sabrina! How can you chose the Pleasure-dome over high school? Wait, that didnít come out right.
Sabrina- Why donít you guys stay too? Weíre having paella.
Zelda- No thanks. We have real lives back on Earth. Come on Hilda, letís go.
Hilda- (Whispering to Zelda) What! We canít just leave her here.
Zelda- (Whispering) Follow me, I have a hunch. And donít look back.
Hilda looks back and silently curses herself.
Vesta- Chow! Adios! Okay dramas over. Letís hit the water-slide.
She jumps up ready for some splashy action but Sabrina just sits staring after her departed aunts.
Vesta- (Cont.) O-oh! Are you okay?
Sabrina- Yeah Iím fine. I just thought theyíd toss around a few more cantís and doníts before taking off.
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The closet activates and Hilda and Zelda return home.
Hilda- Are you insane? You left without a fight! What were you thinking?
Zelda- That I want Sabrina to come home.
Hilda- Me too. Now letís go back and get her. Iíll hold Vesta.
Zelda- No! That wont work. If we tell Sabrina she canít stay then weíll just be playing into Vestaís hands.
Hilda- Can we say it and just not use the word Ďcanítí?
Zelda- Hilda, weíre giving Sabrina a chance to change her mind. Have a little faith, I think sheíll come home.
Hilda- Ooh Zelda, sneaky. You had a scheme.
Zelda- Well Vesta is my sister.
Hilda- (To herself) I want a scheme!
Int. The Pleasure-dome. Vesta is lay belly down on the massage table as a blonde muscular man works the fragrant oil into her back
Vesta- Mmm! Thatís good. So good. Thereís only one thing that could make this better.
She snaps her finger and she and the masseuse switch places.
Vesta- (Cont.) Now this is relaxing.
Sabrina enters in her swimming costume.
Sabrina- Iím wiped! I rode the roller-coaster seventeen times, went shoe shopping, saw the Brad Pitt I-MAX and man those hot-tubs take a lot out of you.
Vesta- Poor thing.
Sabrina- I just want to curl up with a good book.
Vesta- Oh Sabrina!
She pushes away the massage table with the big blonde Adonis on it. thereís a crash and a cry of pain. Vesta shrugs and turns to her niece.
Vesta- (Cont.) Ah well. We need to talk.
Sabrina- Did I do something wrong?
Vesta- No! Why do you always assume when we need to talk you did something wrong?
Sabrina- Because Iím a teenager?
Vesta- Anyway, you canít stay home and read on a Saturday night. Not when you could be starring in your own rock video.
Sabrina- I can?
Vesta- Yes sure! All you need to do is come up with a concept.
Sabrina- Oh easy! Okay! We open on smoke rolling across the floor. Cue the dancing clowns and widen to reveal me in a really great outfit.
The phone rings.
A maid brings in the phone and holds it while Vesta answers.
Vesta- (Cont.) Hello? One moment. Itís for you.
Sabrina- For me?
Sabrina- (On phone) Hey Jenny.
Jenny- Hey Sabrina, whatís up?
Sabrina- Not much. Howíd you get my number?
Jenny- I called you and your aunts gave it to me. It had the weirdest seventeen digit area code.
Sabrina- Well Iím visiting family in Canada.
Jenny- But I thought we were going to a movie tonight?
Sabrina- I totally forgot! Iím sorry Jenny. Look, maybe I can get back.
Vesta- Your video!
Sabrina- (To Vesta) Well can she come watch?
Vesta- The one rule!
With a wave the ĎNo Mortalsí sign starts blinking again.
Sabrina- Figures! (On phone) Look Jenny, Iím sort of stuck here but well youíll find something fun to do tonight right?
Jenny- Sure. Yeah itís no problem. Anyway Iíll see you.
Sabrina- Iíll see you. Bye.
She hangs up the phone and the maid leaves. Sabrinaís no longer feeling as excited about her rock video and slumps down on the chaise lounge.
Vesta- Oh you're sad. Thisíll cheer you up.
She effortlessly uses her magic and holds the result out to Sabrina.
Vesta- (Cont.) Look a puppy. Isnít he cute?
Sabrina- You canít distract me with a puppy aunt Vesta. I feel awful.
Vesta- Okay. Remove the puppy.
She gingerly hands the cute, floppy-eared puppy to a servant and sits beside Sabrina.
Vesta- (Cont.) All right, whatís wrong?
Sabrina- Well Jennyís my best friend and I just realised, if I stay here Iíll never see her again. Iíll never see any of my friends again.
Vesta- Is that all thatís bothering you? You can see your friends any time you want.
Sabrina- I can?
Vesta- Yes! We have super-secret insider-vision.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Where the fun never stops.
Hilda- Iím looking for Ringoís nose. That should not be hard to find.
Zelda- Oh Iíve been working on it, here you go.
She hands over the nose and Hilda fits it into the 500 piece Beatles jigsaw puzzle.
Int. The Pleasure-dome. Sabrina and Vesta watch TV. Itís ĎThe Spellman showí
Hilda- I still donít believe Sabrina doesnít think our lives are exciting enough.
Vesta- Well you can see how it snoops. With this remote you can see anyone anywhere. Now who else do you wanna watch?
Sabrina- How about Salem?
She hits the remote button and switches to ĎThe Salem showí The scene is set in Sabrinaís bedroom and itís covered with cat toys. Our hero sits in front of the mirror singing to himself.
Salem- (Singing) Shake your whammy fanny. Funky song. Funky song.
Shake your whammy fanny. Fu-unky song.
Vesta- U-hu! U-hu!
Sabrina- Whatís he doing? Heís got squeaky toys all over my room!
Vesta- You live here now.
Sabrina- Oh! Right. Well letís see what Harveyís doing.
She switches over to ĎThe Harvey Kinkle Spectacularí Itís the episode where heís jumping up and down on the settee playing air-guitar and singing.
Harvey- (Singing) Shake your whammy fanny. Fu-unky song.
Sabrina- I donít wanna see this. Er I know, Iíll check on Jenny. Sheís probably out though.
She switches to ĎStory time with Jennifer Kellyí and finds her friend sat on her bed reading.
Sabrina- (Cont.) No wait! Sheís home and sheís reading ĎJude the obscureí
Vesta- How pathetic.
Sabrina- But itís my fault sheís stuck home on a Saturday night. I totally stood her up.
Vesta- Hey! you are in a guilt free zone. Now what about we shake our whammy fannyís and get your video ready? Fu-unky song.
Later. Vesta ready in her short, black plastic mack, thigh boots and black officers hat.
Vesta- (Calling) Come on Sabrina! Iím dying to see what you look like.
Sabrina enters and poses in the doorway to show off the black and white leopard print mini dress contrasted with black PVC shoulder length gloves and high heeled thigh boots.
Sabrina- I donít know whether to get funky or go fly fishing.
Vesta- You look fabulous.
Sabrina- These boots are killing me.
Vesta- Deal with it. Thereís no room for sensible shoes in rock and roll.
She hands Sabrina a headset microphone and guides her to a circus lion tamers stand.
Vesta- (Cont.) Now you are large and in charge! Alright, camera ready!
The cameraman gets in position.
Vesta- (Cont.) Lights!
Dramatic red and blue spots switch on.
Vesta- (Cont.) Smoke! And action!
Dry-ice slithers across the floor as the intro plays, Sabrina starts to wriggle her Whammy fanny. Four dancing clowns dance behind her.
Sabrina- (Singing) Shake your whammy fanny. Funky song. Funky song.
Shake your whammy fanny. Fu-unky song.
Whoo! Shake your whammy fanny. Funky song. Funky song.
Shake your whammy fanny. Fu-unky song.
Vesta- Come on! Energy up! Up! Up! Shake it! Shake it!
Sabrina tries to continue singing but itís just not fun anymore.
Sabrina- Oh no! No! Thatís it! I canít shake anymore.
The backing music and the dancing clowns stop instantly.
Sabrina- This is a mistake. Aunt Vesta, we need to talk.
Vesta- Did I do something wrong?
Sabrina- No, I did. Look, I shouldnít be here, I should be at the movies with Jenny.
Vesta- Oh but thatís so ordinary. I mean you could be a rock star.
Sabrina- Iím not a rock star, Iím a kareoke singer... And not a very good one at that.
Vesta- I think someone needs a little trip to the hall of gratuitous praise.
Sabrina- No I donít wanna go to the hall of gratuitous praise, I wanna go home.
Vesta- Sabrina you canít go. Iíll be so lonely without you.
Sabrina- Well you can come stay with Hilda and Zelda and me.
Vesta- ...Maybe Iíll just get that puppy back.
Sabrina- Iíd better run. Jenny and I can still make a late show. You know, that is if Hilda and Zelda will let me break curfew.
Vesta- Oh then I guess youíll be needing this.
She holds out her hand and Sabrinaís nap-sack appears hanging from it with her homework in it.
Sabrina- Thanks. You know I had fun.
Vesta- This is the Pleasure-dome.
Sabrina leaves. Vesta sighs heavily.
Vesta- (Cont.) Oh what now?
She has an idea and walks over to the doorway to the hall of gratuitous praise and opens it.
Adoring public- We love you! Youíre beautiful! Youíre gorgeous! Youíre wonderful!
She pushes the door too.
Vesta- So empty! But it works.
She opens the door again and enters smiling.
Int. Sabrinaís bedroom. Sabrina enters to find it a mess with Salemís stuff scattered everywhere.
Sabrina- Salem, what are you doing?
Salem- Der! I was just reorganising?
Sabrina- You know I saw you singing in the mirror.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda hear Salemís cry of dismay.
Hilda- Did you hear something?
Zelda- Yes. Be cool.
Sabrina comes down the stairs still in her rock video outfit.
Sabrina- Hi! Iím home!
Hilda- Oh hello Sabrina.
Zelda- What happened? Didnít you like the Pleasure-dome?
Sabrina- It was okay, but the truth is without Ďcantísí and Ďdonítsí itís hard to know where the fun is.
Zelda- Itís so nice to have you back.
Sabrina- And itís nice to be back.
She hugs her aunts.
Sabrina- Now can I go out? You know I promised Jenny Iíd go to the movies with her and I feel I should honour that responsibility.
Hilda- You can go but donít stay out past one.
Zelda- And you canít wear those boots.
Sabrina- Iím home!
She points at herself for a quick change into her tatty old jeans, sweater and coat.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Better? Gotta go and thanks for not making a big deal outa this.
Hilda- Deal of the century!
Zelda- Sheís back!
They pick up the jigsaw pieces and toss them up into the air with delight.
Hilda and Zelda- (Together) Sheís back!
Int. Mr. Poolís bathroom. Heís still struggling to overcome his twenty-four hour bug. Then he gets in a good blow with the sink plunger. The giant bug staggers backwards injured.
Mr. Pool- Yes! Yes!
But the bug pulls the plunger away and throws it to the floor. It advances on Mr. Pool again whoís taken refuge in the shower stall.
Mr. Pool- No! Alright, just let me grab these canisters.
He grabs two air-freshener spray cans from above the sink and takes the fight to the bug.
Mr. Pool- (Cont.) All right, Iím ready for you little weevil. Come closer, come a little closer! Suck pot-pouree and die!
He squirts the bug in the face as he dives for cover hitting his head on the wall in the process.
Later. Mr. Pool comes round with the aerosols still in his hands.
Mr. Pool- Oh man what a dream. Sushi and Cafka donít mix.
He sees a regular sized cockroach scurry along the skirting-board and is thrown into a panic and lets it have it with both barrels.