Sabrina and the Beanstalk

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem is sat on the counter with a sweat band round his head and slurps noisily at a cup of water. Hilda’s sat at the table trying to read the morning paper. Sabrina’s pouring her juice.

Hilda- Salem, you're drinking like a dog.

Salem- (Panting) I’ve just started a new exercise programme, I need to replenish my fluids. Then I’m going to get to the exercise part.

Zelda enters, or it could be someone from the planet Zog. The helmet she wears completely covers her head, it’s brightly decorated and has glowing eyes.

Sabrina- If that’s a new fashion statement, I’d re-think it.

Zelda removes the helmet

Zelda- Mark the date, I’ve just invented the first portable X-ray helmet, take a look.

She hands it to Hilda who puts it on. The weight of the thing drags Hilda’s head down and she cracks it on the table.

Hilda- Ow! Can it detect internal bleeding?

Zelda helps Hilda get it off.

Zelda- It’s work in progress.

Sabrina tips the Wheatios into her bowl but the box is empty.

Sabrina- Hey, who ate all the Wheatios?

Salem- Did you know that Addis Ababa is the capital of Ethiopia? Not that I’m trying to change the subject.

Zelda- Let's try a cat scan.

She helps Sabrina put on the X-ray helmet and she sees an X-ray image of Salem that shows a small toy soldier in his stomach.

Sabrina- (Muffled by the helmet) Salem! You even ate the prize!

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina’s on the settee reading, Salem’s sat behind still sporting his head band, Hilda is stood by the window wearing the X-ray helmet peeping round the curtains. Zelda enters.

Zelda- (To Hilda) What are you doing?

Hilda- Scanning the mail man. I wouldn’t have picked him for a boxer man.

Salem- Check if he’s got my muscle and fitness magazine, I wanna read the interview with Joe Piscopo

The door-bell rings.

Sabrina- That’s Harvey! Quick! Witch check.

She looks around and grabs Salem’s head band.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’ll take this.

She takes the X-ray helmet from Hilda and hands it to Zelda

Sabrina- (Cont.) You take that.

Zelda- No problem honey.

Hilda- Is there anything I can get rid of?

Sabrina- You?

Hilda- Gotcha!

The aunts leave and Sabrina answers the door.

Sabrina- Hey Harvey.

Harvey- Hey.

He comes in carrying a cardboard poster.

Harvey- I er brought our social studies project.

Sabrina- Great, did you get much done?

Harvey- Yeah, bought the poster board.

They sit on the settee with the blank board in front of them.

Sabrina- Okay, well we have all day to work on it.

Harvey- So, what would be a good transportation system for the town of Westbridge?

Sabrina- Hmm!

Time ticks by. They’re slumped back on the settee. The board is still blank.

Tick-tick-tick.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina and Harvey are having a pillow fight.

Tick-tick-tick.

Int. Spellman living room. They’re back on the settee, Sabrina is flicking through the channels with the remote. The board is still blank.

Tick-tick-tick.

Ext. Spellman back yard. Sabrina and Harvey tend the young shoots in the conservatory.

Tick-tick-tick.

Int. Spellman Living room. Sabrina sits on the floor at Harvey’s feet while he plats and arranges her hair. The board is still blank.

Tick-tick-tock.

It’s time to go, Sabrina accompanies Harvey to the door and waves him off.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda are sat at the table with coffee and cookies. Sabrina enters undoing all Harvey’s hard work with her hair.

Hilda- So, did you finish your project?

Sabrina- No.

Zelda- Did you start your project?

Sabrina- No.

Hilda- Sabrina, you’ve really gotta stop procrastinating.

Sabrina- We weren’t procrastinating. Harvey and I just got busy doing other more fun things. We’ve rotated every mattress in the house.

Zelda- Sabrina, procrastination only makes things worse. Ask Hilda about the time... Well ask Hilda about any time.

Zelda gets up with her coffee and leaves.

Hilda- I’ll think of a come-back for her tomorrow.

Sabrina- I just wish I could get motivated.

Hilda- Three words. Magical jumping beans.

Sabrina- One word. Huh?

Hilda- No, come on, they really make you hop-to.

She takes Sabrina’s hand and leads her to the dining room.

Int. Spellman Dining room. The lab-top’s open Sabrina has her safety goggles on the top off her head. Hilda stands by as Salem reads the magic book, or does he?

Salem- Beans, beans, the magical fruit...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Oh grow up! This sounds easy, (Reading) Potassium Benzoate, a shot of B-twelve and fruit extract.

She check the lab-top’s ingredients rack.

Sabrina- (Cont.) And we just happen to be out of Potassium Benzoate, a shot of B-twelve and fruit extract.

Hilda- Well then, you’ll just have to go to the Piggly Wiggly in the Other Realm, they have everything.

Hilda leaves. The phone rings.

Sabrina- (To Salem) I can’t stand that place, pigs aren’t very good at making change.

Salem- Who are they kidding with that sneeze guard over the slop-bar?

Sabrina- Well, I’m on my way.

Zelda- (OS) Sabrina, Valerie’s on the phone.

Sabrina- Just as soon as I talk to Valerie.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina’s sat at the table on the phone. Hilda is using the X-ray helmet to read the mail without opening it.

Sabrina- Val, I don’t believe in shampoo-conditioners in one, what you gain in time, you lose in body.

Zelda enters unseen by Hilda.

Hilda- Oh look at that, Zelda got invited to Amy Conn’s wedding and I didn’t!

Zelda- I forgot to put in an alarm system

She rectifies the error with a point of her finger nearly deafening her sister as the alarm goes off. Hilda quickly tries to get the helmet off.

Sabrina- (On the phone) No, there’s not a car in my kitchen.

She heads for the dining room where she can be heard over the racket.

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina enters with the phone.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Well if Libby says that to you again, you just look her in the eye and say...

She sees the lab-top and suddenly remembers.

Sabrina- (Cont.) My beans!

Int. Spellman living room. Salem is listening in on the extension. Sabrina enters from the dining room.

Sabrina- (Cont.) No! I mean I’ve gotta go to the store. I’ll call you later.

She switches off the phone.

Salem- Stores closed by now.

Sabrina- What! Why didn’t you tell me?

Salem- Well don’t blame me, I wasn’t the one procrastinating by talking on the phone. Eves dropping was at the top of my to-do list.

Sabrina- I’ve gotta work on my project, I need those magical jumping beans. I’ll just substitute the ingredients.

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina adds the final ingredient to her concoction, There’s a puff of smoke leaving behind a packet of colourful magical jumping beans.

Sabrina- Perfect! I knew corn would work as well as Phosphoric acid.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina has her project laid out on the table and holds a few beans in her hand.

Sabrina- (Reading the label) 'Hold beans in hand, shake vigorously and you will feel instantly energised'

She shakes the beans. Nothing happens.

Sabrina- Come on.

She shakes them again, very vigorously. Nothing happens.

Sabrina- Oh! These beans are lame!

She throws them into the trash can.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh and they melt in your hands.

She rubs her sticky hand on her trouser leg, puts the packet of beans on the counter, picks up the trash can and takes it out to the conservatory.

Sabrina- I should take this out to the curb. Nah! I’ll do it tomorrow.

She puts the trash can down in the middle of the yard and sees Salem sat on the wall.

Sabrina- Are you going to bed Salem?

Salem- In a minute, I’m having a staring contest with the cat across the street. A-ha! I won! In your face Fluffy! Ha-ha-ha.

Int. Spellman kitchen the next morning. Zelda’s reading the paper. Hilda’s sat at the counter. There’s a tremendous noise and the whole house shakes violently. Salem comes running down the stairs in a panic.

Salem- Earthquake!

Zelda- But we’re in Massachusetts.

Sabrina rushes in and goes to the back window to look out into the conservatory.

Hilda- Well what is it?

Sabrina- Is that a beanstalk?

Salem- Beanstalk!

Hilda- Oh-no! Now where are we going to plant our bulbs?

The beanstalk is a good six feet across and stretches up into the clouds with huge leaves hanging from it.

Zelda- Did someone throw out some magic beans?

Sabrina- I threw out some magical jumping beans, but it doesn’t say anything about beanstalks.

Zelda- Did you follow the recipe carefully?

Sabrina- Sure...! With a few substitutions.

Hilda- Well what were they? Maybe we can just reverse the spell.

Sabrina- Well, extract of something, some other gobbledegook er and tapioca. I was going to write it down but...

Zelda- (Interrupting) See Sabrina? Procrastination only makes things worse.

Hilda- Because then you and I have to listen to Zelda because she cannot resist taking the opportunity...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Can we please focus on hiding the three hundred foot beanstalk?

Zelda- (To Hilda) Fog?

Hilda nods and they both cup their hands round their mouths and do an impressive impersonation of a fog horn. When they’ve finished the whole town of Westbridge is blanketed in a pea-souper.

Sabrina- I bet you guys did stuff like this all the time when you were my age, huh?

Zelda- No, never. Next we have to figure out what to do about the giant.

They head off to the living room.

Int. Spellman living room. They enter.

Sabrina- Right, that’s what I... GIANT! You mean there’s actually a giant at the top of a beanstalk?

Zelda- Or worse.

Hilda- Beanstalks always lead to a bad neighbourhood.

Sabrina- Here’s a thought, we just don’t go up there.

Hilda- It’s not what doesn’t go up there, it’s what might come down.

Zelda- Exactly, so we need someone to go up the beanstalk and stand guard. I vote Salem.

Salem- I’m scared of heights.

Hilda- You're a cat!

Hilda points and he disappears.

Salem- (OS) Mean!

Sabrina- Does the Other Realm have tree trimmers? Or something that might help?

Zelda- Oh tree trimmers, isn’t she cute? If only it were that simple.

Hilda- This is a magical beanstalk Sabrina, it’s going to take a lot more than tree trimmers. Hey! What about that plutonium based root-killer?

Zelda- Nah! It didn’t make a dent in the Dandelions.

Salem- (OS) Hello, this is your guard. Harvey’s at the front door, and send me a sandwich.

Sabrina- Oh-no! Harvey’s here to work on our project!

Harvey lets himself in the front door.

Harvey- Hey, have you guys seen all the fog? It’s cool.

Hilda- Thank you.

Harvey spots the X-ray helmet on the cupboard and picks it up.

Harvey- Wow! Is this one of those virtual reality games?

Sabrina- Sure, that’s a good explanation.

Harvey- Well can I try it?

Zelda- No!

Sabrina- Because we need to go get something to eat before we work.

Harvey- I just had three chilli-dogs for breakfast, but sure.

He heads for the kitchen.

Sabrina- (To her aunts) Can we please not leave that thing lying around?

Hilda- You're worried about a helmet and Harvey’s about to walk into a kitchen with a beanstalk?

Sabrina- Good point.

She rushes after him.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Harvey reaches the counter as Sabrina enters. He spots the discarded packet of magical jumping beans.

Harvey- Oh boy, jelly beans!

Sabrina- Harvey don’t look out the...

She sees that he’s picked up the beans and is about to put one in his mouth.

Sabrina- (Cont.) No! Don’t eat those!

Her words of warning seem to come out of her mouth in slow motion and they're too late. The bag of beans drop from Harvey’s hand as he’s catapulted out of the back door and hurtles up the beanstalk. Sabrina picks up the packet of beans.

Sabrina- I really meant to put these away.

Ext. Spellman conservatory. Sabrina calls up the beanstalk.

Sabrina- Harvey! Salem! Salem, did you see Harvey?

Salem- No, I was too busy looking for that sandwich.

Sabrina- Oh where is he? HARVEY! HARVEY!

Ext. The clouds at the top of the beanstalk. Harvey looks around, he sees an old style water pump with a bucket.

Harvey- Sabrina!

It echoes but there’s no answer.

Harvey- (Cont.) Sabrina!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina runs in from the yard.

Sabrina- (Shouting) Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda!

They both come running.

Zelda- Honey, what’s wrong?

Sabrina- Harvey thought the jumping beans were jelly beans and ate some and he flew out the door and I think up the beanstalk, he’s going to suspect something.

Zelda- Okay, first thing first. Let's see if we can see him.

She reaches up and pulls down the periscope and drops the handles.

Sabrina- Since when do we have a periscope in the kitchen?

Hilda- You’ve lived here two years and you’ve never noticed it? Teenagers!

Sabrina- Let me look.

Zelda steps back and lets Sabrina see. There’s a ping from a sonar just like in every episode of ‘Voyage to the bottom of the sea’ as she sees.

Ext. Clouds at the top of the beanstalk. Harvey approaches a cottage with a thatched roof and knocks on the door. An attractive brunet looks out of the doorway hatch and smiles at Harvey.

Sabrina- (OS) Oh good, it’s not a giant.

Int. Spellman kitchen.

Zelda- Let me look.

She takes over the periscope from Sabrina and screams

Zelda- It’s worse! It’s the Wicked Witch!

Hilda screams and pushes her way to have a look though the periscope.

Sabrina- Wicked? But she’s so pretty!

Hilda- Oh she’s had a lot of work done.

Zelda- And worst of all, she feasts on mortal’s.

Sabrina- That’s horrible!

Hilda- Hence the wicked part of Wicked Witch.

Sabrina- I’ve gotta get up the beanstalk and save Harvey.

She dashes to the back door but Zelda stops her.

Zelda- Sabrina, wait! You're not used to the high altitude, it could knock out your powers. You’ll be no match for her.

Sabrina- But it’s almost noon, what if she’s in the mood for a Harvey melt?

Hilda- Don’t worry, we’ll have time. She always fattens them up first.

Zelda- Sabrina, here’s the new plan. You wait here and keep an eye on Harvey through the periscope, Hilda and I will go to the YMCA.

Sabrina- This is no time to go to the gym!

Hilda- No, it stands for ‘Yates Magic Crisis Agency’ They specialise in solving these sorts of problems.

Zelda- We’ll be back in a flash.

Int. YMCA offices. A number of long queue’s lead up to teller windows. Hilda and Zelda enter and join one behind an old woman with a walking frame.

Hilda- I’m sure the line will move quickly.

Zelda- (To the old lady) Excuse me ma’am, how long have you been waiting?

Old Woman- My oldest boy, Tom, is fifty-two.

Hilda- That’s nice, but how long have you been here?

Old Woman- He was born in this line!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina is watching through the periscope. She check’s her watch impatiently.

Sabrina- What’s taking them so long?

Int. Wicked Witches living room. The witch has let Harvey in.

Wicked Witch- Nice to meet you Harvey, I’m the wicked... er Woman of the house. Do you know where you are?

Harvey- Well the last thing I remember, I was eating some jelly beans and then suddenly I was swept up into the air. Oh I must have died, but I had so much to give, so much to do, I was supposed to mow the lawn!

Wicked Witch- It’s okay Harvey. It’s okay.

Harvey- Are we in Heaven?

Wicked Witch- Let's just call it a weigh station to Heaven.

She guides Harvey into the kitchen.

Int. Wicked Witch’s kitchen. There’s a scales by the door. The readings on the dial run from ‘Supermodel’ through ‘Amenerrheic’, ‘Alarmingly Svelte’, ‘Svelte’, ‘Fairly Yummy’, ‘Roseannist AKA just right’ to ‘Call Dick Gregory’

Harvey and the Wicked Witch enter.

Wicked Witch- On the scale! On the scale!

Harvey gets on

Wicked Witch- (Cont.) The big guy upstairs doesn’t trust skinny people, or the French, I don’t know why.

She reads the results horrified.

Wicked Witch- (Cont.) Alarmingly svelte! Oh this will never do. Here eat this stick of butter while I think of something.

Harvey tucks in.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina is still watching through the periscope and gasps as she sees the Wicket Witch sharpening a huge knife with a wicked glint in her eye. Sabrina slams up the periscope handles and pushes it up into the ceiling.

Sabrina- That’s it! I can’t wait any longer.

She dashes out to the conservatory and the beanstalk.

Ext. Spellman conservatory. Sabrina stands at the foot of the bean stalk and with a grim look of determination she gazes up it’s frightening height.

Int. Wicked Witches kitchen. The Wicked Witch examines the edge of her knife and bends to her diabolical task. The knife slices through the pie crust with ease and Harvey waits eagerly with his plate ready.

Harvey- Peach pie, my favourite.

Wicked Witch- How did I know? And now...

She reaches for a jar of sprinkles. the label reads ‘Fatten Up, for use on adults and children’

Wicked Witch- (Cont.) For a little sprinkle of my secret ingredient.

She sprinkles Harvey’s pie liberally.

Wicked Witch- (Cont.) Save room for dessert.

Ext. High above Westbridge. Sabrina climbs through the fog. She reaches Salem’s guard-post.

Salem- As the official watch cat, I order you to get down.

Sabrina- I’m going up, and don’t try to stop me cat!

Salem- Then you leave me with no choice but to go with you and protect you.

Sabrina- You're afraid o' heights!

Salem- Right, then you leave me no choice than to wish you well.

Sabrina shakes her head and continues her long climb.

Salem- (Thinking) Pull it together! Be a man Saberhagen! Climb! Climb! <Sob!>

He works up the courage and starts to follow after Sabrina.

Int. YMCA offices. The line hasn’t moved. A man hops past bound up from head to toe in sticky tape.

Zelda- I hope we don’t get caught up in all that red tape.

Ext. The clouds at the top of the beanstalk. Sabrina, exhausted and panting finally reaches the top and jumps onto the clouds.

Sabrina- Whoo-Hoo! I made it. Good thing that pilot knew how to swerve.

She remembers why she's there.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Harvey!

Int. YMCA offices. Hilda and Zelda are still in line. The woman at the teller window calls.

Clerk #1- Anyone with a friend or a family member up to their neck in quicksand, come to the head of the line.

A man pushes his way past Hilda, Zelda and the old woman.

Hilda- Hey! We’ve been waiting for hours, we have a boy in a beanstalk, about to be eaten by the Wicked Witch!

Clerk #1- I’ll get to that.

Ext. The clouds at the top of the beanstalk. Sabrina approaches the Wicked Witches cottage and is about to knock, but stops.

Sabrina- Wait, I need a plan. Got it!

She points at herself and changes into a smart black business suit and tie, with her hair up. A sample case appears beside her.

Sabrina- There’s nothing wrong with my magic.

She knocks on the door and picks up the case. The Wicked Witches head appears at the hatch.

Wicked Witch- Yes?

Sabrina- Hello, I’m with the Confectionery Construction Company, we specialise in gingerbread siding.

Wicked Witch- I don’t know?

Sabrina- The sugary smell really attracts the kids.

Wicked Witch- Mmmm!

She opens the door.

Wicked Witch- (Cont.) I do love children, especially with a béarnaise sauce. Come in.

Int. Wicked Witches living room. Sabrina’s Sample catalogues are spread over the settee.

Sabrina- Allow me to demonstrate.

She chooses a section of wall and points transforming it to a neatly tiled gingerbread and frosting pattern.

Wicked Witch- Oh!

Sabrina- See how nicely it blends in with your decor, which by the way is lovely.

Wicked Witch- Oh thank you, it was designed by I. M. Pie.

Sabrina- Why don’t you take a look at the sample book while I take a few measurements.

Sabrina Picks up the tape measure and heads for the kitchen.

Wicked Witch- Is this one of those deals were you give me a great price on the gingerbread and then kill me on the frosting?

Sabrina- Our price includes all extras and you could win a trip to Hawaii.

She exits into the kitchen.

Int. Wicked Witches kitchen. Sabrina enters to find Harvey tucking in at the table, he’s put on a lot of weight in his short stay.

Sabrina- Harvey!

Harvey- Sabrina! Oh-no! You ate a bad bean and died too, what are the odds of that?

Sabrina- Harvey, you're not dead, but you will be if we don’t get you out of here. Let's go.

Harvey- But I haven’t touches the stuffed pork chops.

Sabrina- Harvey listen, that woman out there is wicked.

Harvey- You wouldn’t say that if you had her pralines, she’s an awesome cook.

Sabrina- She going to cook you! See?

She points him towards the menu pinned up on the cabinet.

Harvey- (Reading) Monday, Hansel, Tuesday, Gretel, Wednesday, Harvey, Harvey! Let's get out of here!

They head for the back door.

Harvey- (Cont.) Does this sweater make me look fat?

The Wicked Witch enters.

Wicked Witch- Oh, I see you two have met, (Pinching Harvey’s cheek) he is so cute I could just eat him up with a spoon. (To Sabrina) Now, I wanted to ask you the price of the candy-cane rain gutter’s.

Sabrina points above her head.

Sabrina- Oh, well I’ve just put some on the house, why don’t you take a look before you decide.

Wicked Witch- (To Harvey) She is so efficient. (To Sabrina) I’m going to put in a good word to your supervisor. (Patting Harvey’s ample tummy) Don’t forget the eclairs.

She exits through the back door to look at the gutters, Sabrina pushes Harvey towards the front door.

Sabrina- Go! Go! Go!

Harvey- Oh my thighs are rubbing!

Int. Wicked Witches Living room. Sabrina and Harvey run in.

Harvey- I know it’s a bad time to ask but what the heck is happening?

Before Sabrina can answer The Wicked Witch makes her appearance between them.

Wicked Witch- Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum, I smell... (Smiles at Sabrina) a half mortal.

Sabrina- So, have you decided on those gutters?

The Wicked Witch points at the front door and a heavy magical pad-lock appears making escape impossible.

Wicked Witch- Make yourselves at home, we dress for dinner here. In your case that means oyster dressing.

Laughing she exits into the kitchen.

Ext. High above Westbridge. A black cat climbs.

Salem- (thinking) Don’t look down! One branch at a time! Oh, a Blue Jay!

Int. Wicked Witches living room. Sabrina and Harvey are sat on the settee. There is a pile of food in front of them. The Wicked Witch is adding generous amounts of Fatten Up to everything.

Wicked Witch- Eat up kids, I can only see one chin. Oh I forgot, I have lady fingers in the oven.

She goes into the kitchen.

Sabrina- Harvey, keep an eye on that door, I’m going to try and pick this lock.

She points at the lock but it barely wobbles.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, it must be the high altitude, my powers are knocked out. Why are my aunts always right?

She looks around and spots the new gingerbread wall.

Sabrina- Harvey! Quick, we’ve gotta eat through this gingerbread wall.

Harvey- I’m kinda full.

Sabrina- Just eat!

The Wicked Witch enters and finds them both chewing away at her wall.

Wicked Witch- What are you doing?

Sabrina and Harvey- (Mouths full) Nothing!

Wicked Witch- You pesky little entrées. If you keep trying to escape I’ll just have to move up my diner party.

Int. Wicked Witches kitchen. Sabrina and Harvey are sat in a huge bubbling pan, steam rises around them. The Wicked Witch is beside them.

Wicked Witch- Lift up your arm please.

Harvey does so and she sticks an instrument under it.

Wicked Witch- (Cont.) Meat-thermometer.

Harvey- (To Sabrina) Y’know in her defence, the peach pie was good.

Int. YMCA offices. Hilda and Zelda have finally reached the window. The clerk stamps some documents.

Zelda- (To Hilda) We’re finally getting somewhere.

Clerk #2- O-ho! You're in the line for family members encased in stone, you’ve got a beanstalk problem, that’s window ‘C’.

Hilda- No, But window ‘C’ told us to come here.

Clerk #2- Then you need window ‘E’ That’s the window for people window ‘C’ incorrectly told to go to window ‘B’ Next please!

Hilda- Where is the window for people who pull people through windows?

Int. Wicked Witches Kitchen. The Wicked Witch is checking her larder.

Wicked Witch- Oh-no! I’m out of mushrooms, you can’t make a decent gravy without mushrooms.

Harvey and Sabrina are beginning to look a little cooked.

Sabrina- Harvey and I would be happy to go to the store and pick some up for you.

Wicked Witch- Nice try, stores closed. I’ll just have to serve you dry.

Sabrina- Or you could put it off until tomorrow, by then we’ll be nice and tender.

Harvey- Under cooked Kinkle can be gristly.

Sabrina- Yeah, and think about it. What we’ll taste like smothered in a nice mushroom gravy.

Wicked Witch- Mmmm! And there’s a wonderful tart that goes great with teenager, the recipe’s in that magazine.

Sabrina- Sounds delicious. Save a piece of my leg for me.

Wicked Witch- I have been wanting to catch up on my cooking journals. What the hey, I’ll eat you tomorrow.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) As soon as I say so, we make a break for it.

The Wicked Witch pulls a stool over by the pan and sits with her magazine. She points at the pan.

Wicked Witch- Silly me, I almost forgot to keep you from getting away.

Sabrina and Harvey try to stand but the Wicked Witches spell has them both firmly stuck in the broth.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) Not yet.

Ext. High above Westbridge. Salem is still climbing.

Salem- (Thinking) I gotta stop melting cheese and drinking it as a beverage.

Int. Wicked Witches Kitchen. Later. The Wicked Witch has nodded off beside the pan. The par-broiled Sabrina and Harvey are still stuck despite all their splashing.

Harvey- I’m beginning to worry, we’re starting to smell good.

Sabrina- Shhhh!

She reaches across Harvey to gently take the Wicked Witches hand. The witch moves in her sleep, Sabrina quickly pulls her hand away and sits up in the pot. The Wicked Witch settles and Sabrina leans over again.

Sabrina- (Whispering) Harvey, move over, I need a clear shot at the door.

She gently takes the Wicked Witches hand and points her finger at the lock on the front door. She gives the finger a light tap and fires off a bolt of magic that unlocks the pad-lock. That’s all well and good but she still needs to undo the spell that’s holding Harvey and her prisoners in the pot. She sits back to think about it releasing The Wicked Witches hand. It drops back and releases another bolt of magic that does the job for her. Shifting them physically from the pan to stand beside it. It also reverses Sabrina’s sales woman’s suit spell and she’s back in her everyday clothes. She indicates that Harvey should go and quietly they slip past the still sleeping Wicked Witch.

Ext. Wicked Witches cottage. Sabrina and Harvey are free, but the front door shuts with a bang.

Int. Wicked Witches Kitchen. The bang wakes the Wicked Witch

Wicked Witch- (Startled) Soufflé!

Ext. Wicked Witches Cottage.

Sabrina- Harvey! Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to slam doors?

Harvey- Sorry!

They run for it. The Wicked Witch comes out waving her rolling pin.

Wicked Witch- I don’t like fast food.

She chases after them.

Ext. Clouds at the top of the beanstalk. Sabrina and Harvey race for the beanstalk but there’s a gap in the clouds between them and it.

Sabrina- Serpentine Harvey!

They change direction and find a way round it, Harvey’s struggling with all his extra weight. The Wicked Witch is on their heels.

Wicked Witch- (Panting) For gods sakes!

Sabrina and Harvey reach the old water pump and Harvey stops.

Harvey- I know what to do!

He takes the bucket of water from the pump and as The Wicked Witch arrives throws the contents all over her. A very wet Wicked Witch stands stunned.

Harvey- It didn’t work, she’s not melting!

Sabrina- Get real Harvey! This isn’t fantasy! Now let's get off this cloud and down that beanstalk.

They run again. When they reach the beanstalk they find the Wicked Witch has used magic to get there first.

Wicked Witch- Ha-ha-ha-haa! Now I’ve got you.

Sabrina- Na-ha!

She grabs the over weight Harvey’s arm and swings him into the Wicked Witch, knocking her flying.

Salem arrives at the top of the beanstalk

Salem- Finally! I made it all the way up.

Sabrina- Go down! Go down!

Salem- You’ve gotta be kidding!

Harvey and Sabrina start to climb down the beanstalk. The Wicked Witch has recovered and stands looking down at them.

Wicked Witch- You two are dead meat.

Salem- Back off lady! It’s the nineties, nobody eats mortals anymore.

Wicked Witch- Then I’ll have kitty for dessert.

Salem- Would you look at the time. <sob!>

Salem jumps.

Ext. High above Westbridge. Sabrina and Harvey are climbing down the beanstalk as a black flash shoots by going down.

Sabrina- (Calling down) I hope you land on your feet!

Ext. Spellman conservatory. Salem always lands on his feet.

Salem- I’m alive! Where’s that sandwich?

He goes in search of it.

Int. YMCA offices. Zelda and Hilda are back at window ‘C’

Clerk #3- A-ha! So you’ve got a code nine-three-seven, mortal on a beanstalk with Wicked Witch!

Zelda- Yes, are we in the right line?

Clerk #3- Yes indeed.

The Sister’s hug each other in relief.

Clerk #3- (Cont.) You just need to get hold of a three-two-nine-K.

Zelda- What’s that?

Clerk #3- Tree trimmer.

The two witches start to cry.

Ext. High above Westbridge. Harvey and Sabrina continue to climb down and it’s darned hard work. They're both exhausted and sweating, Harvey more so than Sabrina with all his excess weight.

Harvey- Look Sabrina, I’m sweating off all my weight.

He shakes his sweat soaked hair spattering Sabrina in the face, she wipes it off.

Sabrina- That’s great Harvey (She looks down) Hey Look, there’s Westbridge. Y’know we could really use a monorail down Main Street.

Harvey- Yeah, we should remember that for our report.

Harvey loses his grip on the beanstalk and starts to fall but Sabrina instinctively cast a spell to save him.

Sabrina- Hey, my powers back on.

Wicked Witch- (OS) Get back here you little lean cuisine’s. Why didn’t I eat you when I had the chance?

Sabrina- Because you procrastinated, take that!

She uses her newly restored magic to put a lock on the outside of the Wicked Witches cottage.

Int. Wicked Witch’s kitchen. The Wicked Witch is sat before a tossed salad. The menu now reads Monday, Vegetarian lasagne, Tuesday, Tofu burgers.

Wicked Witch- (Horrified) No! NO! She’s turned me into a vegetarian!

Ext. Spellman conservatory. Two very weary teenagers finally reach the bottom of the beanstalk.

Sabrina- We made it!

Harvey- Yeah!

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda and Hilda come down the stairs with a dark handsome stranger carrying a chain-saw.

Zelda- Coming through!

Hilda- We’ve gotta save Harvey!

They stop dead at the back door as the see Sabrina and Harvey at the foot of the beanstalk.

Hilda and Zelda- Harvey?

Zelda- Sabrina, did you go up that beanstalk?

Sabrina- Well at least I didn’t procrastinate. Hey, you brought a tree trimmer?

Zelda- He prefers to be called an arborist.

Tree Trimmer- Okay, let's get rid of this puppy.

He takes an enormous and elaborately decorated axe from his bag.

Tree Trimmer- (Cont.) Everyone stand clear.

He measures up to the beanstalk, his huge biceps bulge, he cups one hand to his mouth.

Tree Trimmer- TIMBER!

The beanstalk drops straight down into the ground.

Sabrina- Cool!

Harvey- Yeah, cool!

He abruptly faints and is caught by Zelda and Hilda.

Sabrina- What’s he going to think when he comes to?

Int. Spellman living room. The unconscious Harvey is sat on the settee with Sabrina. Hilda sits on the arm and Zelda closes the visor at the front of the X-ray helmet that’s on Harvey’s head.

Zelda- It's show time.

She points at Harvey and he comes awake. He’s instantly running on the spot while sat on the settee.

Harvey- Oh-no! The witch is gaining on us!

Sabrina- (Removing the helmet) Harvey, you're really enjoying that virtual reality game.

Harvey- It was a game? I knew that, it didn’t look that real.

Sabrina- Maybe we should work on our project.

Harvey- Actually I’d like to give this another try.

She moves the helmet out of his reach and Hilda takes it.

Sabrina- No! No more procrastinating! Procrastinating is bad, it only leads to terrible things. I will never procrastinate again.

Hilda- Good for you.

Harvey- D’you wanna bake brownies and eat the dough?

Sabrina- That could be fun.

They both jump up and dash for the kitchen.

Zelda- (Shaking her head) Another lesson well learned.

Hilda- What’s that?

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Sabrina is sat at the table with Zelda drinking her cocoa. Hilda comes down the stairs.

Hilda- Has anyone seen Salem? He hasn’t come home for dinner.

Roll credits.

Zelda- Well that’s not like him.

Sabrina gets up and opens the back door.

Sabrina- SALEM! HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY! (To her aunts) Oh yeah, he hates that.

Salem- <Sob!> I can’t move.

Zelda- Oh-no! Is he hurt?

Sabrina spots something on the yard floor and picks it up.

Sabrina- (Reading) ‘Fatten Up?' This must have fallen off the beanstalk.

The jar is empty.

Hilda- Oh Salem, you didn’t?

Salem- (Who’s has the appearance of a black furry medicine ball) I did! Don’t just stand there, somebody get me a diet soda. <sob!>