Mom Vs. Magic

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Salem is lay on the counter talking on the phone.

Salem- Okay... Fine... See ya.

He turns off the phone.

Salem- (Cont.) NO! <Sob>

Sabrina enters to see what’s up.

Sabrina- What’s the matter Salem, ringworm got you down?

Salem- My mother’s coming for a visit. I called to wish her a happy mother’s day and... Oh why didn’t I just send her the dry roasted almonds like I usually do. <Sob>

Sabrina- You should be happy your mother’s coming. I mean I haven’t seen my mother in over a year because I’m a witch and she’s a mortal and if she even looks at me she’ll turn into a ball of wax, which is the stupidest rule I’ve ever heard and...

Salem- (Interrupting) Hey! We’re talking about me.

Sabrina- Well your mom knows you're now a cat right?

Salem- <Sob, sob, sob>

Sabrina- How could you keep that a secret?

Salem- It slipped my mind? You don’t understand, my mother’s very critical. I once wore sandals to the dinner table and she sent me to military school.

Sabrina- Were they flip-flops? Because then I’m with her.

Salem- Sabrina please, don’t make me face my mother as a cat, she’ll hate me. Use your magic. Send me somewhere, anywhere! I’m begging you. <Sob>

Sabrina- Okay.

She points at Salem and he vanishes from the end of the counter... and reappears at the other end of the counter.

Salem- Oh yeah, she’ll never see me here.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Hilda and Zelda come along the landing and see Salem sat on the linen basket. They stop in there tracks before he sees them.

Hilda- (Whispering) There’s Salem.

Zelda- (Whispering) Well maybe he won’t see us.

They try to slip quietly down the stairs behind him but a cat’s sensitive ears are too much for them.

Salem- Please!

Hilda- Oh!

Zelda- Salem, we are not sending you to Palm Beach.

Salem- Okay, Tucson, Chattanooga, Moose Jaw, anywhere! <Sob>

Hilda- She’s your mother, she’ll find you.

Salem- <Sob>

Zelda strokes Salem to comfort him.

Zelda- (To Hilda) I still think we should visit our mother.

Hilda- I just don’t feel like taking a long trip right now.

Zelda- It’ll take a fiftieth of a second.

The linen closet door activates and Zelda goes to open it just as Sabrina comes through arm in arm with Dashiell Calzone. They are both surprised by the large reception committee.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda! Aunt Hilda! I didn’t expect to find you standing... right... here?

Zelda- That’s one of the problems when a linen closet is your portal to the Other Realm, every now and then you need towels.

Hilda- Hi Dashiell, how was the date? What d’ya do? Where d’ya go? Anyone get kissed?

Zelda comes out of the closet with a pile of towels and dumps them in Hilda’s arms blocking her view. She then pushes Hilda away and follows.

Zelda- We’ll leave you two alone.

Hilda- We’re her legal guardians, we’re morally obligated to snoop.

Then they’re gone.

Dashiell- I hope you had fun tonight, I know you never time travelled before.

Sabrina- I loved it! Sliding from Canada to Mexico on the glacier was amazing, except for that whole raw butt thing.

Dashiell- You're the most amazing, wonderful girl I’ve ever been out with.

Sabrina- Then you must be a mind reader because that’s exactly what I wanted to hear.

Hilda edges round the corner so she can snoop a bit better just as Dashiell takes Sabrina in his arms and bends down to kiss her. Sabrina’s about to close her eyes but catches movement just before she does. She straightens and points and conjures a wall with a door in it across the hall cutting off Hilda’s view. The door slams shut and locks.

Hilda- (OS) It’s as if you're trying to tell me something.

For Sabrina and Dashiell it’s a ‘Now where were we?' Moment. They kiss long and gently then part.

Dashiell- You know, I’ve always heard that if you enjoy a kiss then the other person probably enjoyed it too.

Sabrina- Really? I never heard that.

He looks hurt.

Sabrina- (Cont.) No, yes I did.

He looks happy and heads for the linen closet.

Dashiell- Bye.

In a crash of thunder he’s gone. Sabrina heads for her bedroom and hears a thump and a ‘Ouch!’ from beyond the new doorway. Sabrina opens the door to find Zelda looking surprised and rubbing her nose on the other side.

Sabrina- I don’t think this is practical.

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Sabrina opens her locker and finds a large red rose levitating there.

Sabrina- Oh Dash!

Harvey- Hey.

She turns quickly to see Harvey stood behind her and takes the rose from the locker. She finds that it still has thorns.

Sabrina- Aw!

Harvey- Where d’you get the rose?

Sabrina- Er, I found it. So, what’s new in your life?

Harvey- Actually I need a favour. Could you help me buy a mother’s day present?

Sabrina- For your mom?

Harvey- Last year I got her a can-opener, I really have to stop taking gift advice from my dad.

Sabrina looks down sadly.

Harvey- (Cont.) Everything okay?

Sabrina- I miss my mom. She’s still on an archaeology expedition in Peru.

Harvey- You should visit her.

Sabrina- I would but then... waiting for the ancient city of Montu-Pitus to get in RB’s. So, does your mom like wine cheese?

Harvey- She finds it binding.

Sabrina- Really? Well there’s always jewellery, or bran. Ha-ha! We’ll find something.

Harvey- You're the best.

He leans down and kisses her on the cheek, then goes off to class. Sabrina stands for a moment and puts her hand to her cheek.

Sabrina- (To herself) Oh Harvey!

As she stands there the rose floats out of her locker and taps her lightly on her shoulder. Sabrina looks at it and loses her happy smile.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I have a very big problem.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The new wall and door that Sabrina created has gone. Zelda pushes a wheeled suitcase towards the linen closet and calls back.

Zelda- Hilda!

Hilda comes from her room.

Hilda- Coming.

Zelda- Why are you so resistant to the idea of seeing our own mother?

Hilda- Because she likes you better than she likes me.

Zelda- What! That’s ridiculous, she loves us both exactly the same. Perhaps she should like me better but I don’t think she does.

Hilda- Well then how come on your eighth birthday you got an entire observatory and I got corrective shoes?

Zelda- Because I like stars and you have those funny toes.

There’s a creaking coming from the linen basket.

Zelda- (Cont.) Is Salem in the hamper again?

Salem- (OS) No.

She opens the basket and lifts him out.

Zelda- Hello Braveheart.

Salem- Don’t make me face her.

Hilda- See? No one want’s to be with their mother. That’s why there’s a billion dollar greeting card industry.

Zelda- We’re leaving. Salem, tell Sabrina to zap in something healthy for dinner, not just fluff-enough, and don’t try to escape through your cat door because I nailed it shut.

Salem- Mean.

Zelda goes into the linen closet then comes out again, grabs Hilda by the arm and pulls her in too.

Salem- Mother never loved me when I was human. One little hug and I wouldn’t have tried to take over Poland.

The aunts just look at him and close the door, The linen closet activates and they’re off to the Other Realm.

Int. Westbridge High School. History class. The school bell rings and students, including Sabrina, quickly pack up their stuff. Dashiell comes into the class and sneaks up beside her.

Dashiell- A-hem!

Sabrina looks round.

Sabrina- What are you doing here?

Dashiell- I left my clone back in my high school. Just hope I can read his history notes this time. Hey, do you wanna become invisible and go give the Queen a wedgy?

Sabrina- Sounds like fun.

Int. School hallway. Dashiell and Sabrina come out of the classroom.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I can’t. I promised Harv... a friend that er I’d go shopping.

Dashiell- Just take a rain cheque.

Dashiell snaps his fingers and a sudden and un-forecasted torrential downpour starts outside. Lightning flashes.

Sabrina- I’d love to but I can’t break a promise.

The rain stops as quick as it started.

Dashiell- Man, I like you. D’you mind if I just stared at you all day?

As Dashiell’s talking Sabrina looks down the hallway and sees Harvey talking to a letterman friend. He pats him on the arm and starts walking down toward them. Sabrina quickly points at Dashiell and he vanishes.

Sabrina- I’ll send you a picture.

Harvey- Are you ready to go shopping?

Sabrina- Sure, as soon as I get my chemistry book.

She opens her locker to find another rose floating in it. She quickly pulls it out and hands it to Harvey.

Sabrina- (Cont.) For you!

Harvey- Thanks.

They walk out of school.

Harvey- (Cont.) Did it rain?

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The linen closet activates and Mrs. Saberhagen comes out.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Salem, mother’s here!

She drops her overnight bag on the floor.

Salem- (OS) Mumsy?

Mrs. Saberhagen- Where are you?

A black cat comes out of Sabrina’s room and jumps up onto the linen basket.

Salem- Here.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Salem! What on Earth happened?

Salem- I tried to take over the world, the Witches Council sentenced me to a hundred years as a cat. I eat off the floor and sleep by the dryer. Go ahead, let me have it.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Salem Saberhagen, you always disappoint me!

Salem- <Sob>

Mrs. Saberhagen- You're selfish and irresponsible! You're a terrible person... but if you aren’t the cutest little kitty I have ever seen in my entire life.

Salem- I am?

Mrs. Saberhagen reaches out her arms.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Come to Mama.

She picks him up, holds him against her shoulder and strokes him, Salem purrs.

Salem- <snif"> Channel?

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes through the front door with Harvey

Sabrina- Well that was fun.

Harvey- Sorry I couldn’t make up my mind about a gift. There’s really nothing wrong with any of the sweaters you showed me, or the perfume.

Sabrina- Or the ear rings or the picture frames or the foot massagers.

Int. Spellman kitchen. A shimmering light resolves itself into Dashiell.

Int. Living room.

Harvey- I just really want this present for my mom to be perfect.

Sabrina- Especially since you wrecked her car last week

Harvey- And I kinda love her.

Int. Kitchen. Dashiell stands by the counter in thought, then has an idea. He points and an enormous chocolate sundae appears with two spoons.

Int. Living room.

Dashiell- (OS) Sabrina!

Harvey- Who was that?

Sabrina- The oven! Er I forgot, I’m baking bread.

She edges Harvey towards the door.

Harvey- An oven timer that calls you by name? Hey, maybe my mom’d like one.

Int. Kitchen. With the Sundae in one hand and the spoons in the other Dashiell goes in search of Sabrina. He heads into the dinning room.

Dashiell- Sabrina!

Int. Living room. Sabrina practically pushes Harvey out the door.

Sabrina- Sorry, you have to go. I-I-I forgot I have to set up a bugbomb. Um but maybe we er, we can do the shopping thing again tomorrow.

Harvey- Can I ask you one more thing?

Sabrina- Whatever it is the answers yes.

Harvey- Really! So we can go steady again?

Sabrina- Huh?!

Sabrina really got herself caught with that one and stands open mouthed as Dashiell pulls back the sliding doors of the dinning room and enters the living room.

Dashiell- Sabrina?

Harvey and Dashiell Meet.

Harvey and Dashiell- (Together) Who’s he?

Sabrina- Er, Harvey, this is Dashiell, Dashiell this is Harvey. You won’t believe this but you guys have so much in common.

Int. Living room later. The sundae is on the coffee table, Harvey and Dashiell sit at either side of the settee as far from each other as possible. Sabrina sits down between them with a spoon in each hand.

Sabrina- (To Dashiell) See, Harvey’s a really close friend or was until about five minutes ago when he asked me to go steady, ha-ha.

No one else is laughing. Sabrina hands Dashiell a spoon. She turns to Harvey and gives him the other spoon.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) And um Dashiell’s this very new person in my life who I’ve very recently been seeing. Naturally I was going to tell both of you about... well both of you.

Harvey- Well we said we weren’t going to be exclusive.

Dashiell- And we never talked about only seeing each other.

Sabrina- Great! This is good, this is very good.

Both Dashiell and Harvey lean forward and put their spoons down on the coffee table.

Dashiell and Harvey- (Together) Chose!

Ext. The Other Realm, Outside Sabrina’s grandmother’s house. Hilda and Zelda are stand outside the door. Zelda tries to see in and rings the door bell again, there’s no answer.

Zelda- That’s odd, I told mother we were coming.

She listens at the door.

Hilda- That’s the problem, you told her we were coming. If it was just you she’d be here, but since it’s me she’s probably hiding under a pile of coats.

Zelda- You're being childish. I’ll just see if she left a key.

She lifts up the matt and sure enough there’s a key, they’re into locks in a big way in the Other Realm as it’s about two foot in length.

Hilda- Oh, more proof! She told me it was under the flower pot.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina walks in from the kitchen with Dashiell and Harvey both hard on her heals.

Dashiell- How about now?

Sabrina- No!

She reaches the door and opens it.

Harvey- How about now?

Sabrina- No! Look, I’ll let you guys know what I decide, just please go.

The boys leave, Sabrina closes the door and walks away. The door bell rings.

Sabrina- NO!

Int. Upstairs landing. Salem lies on the linen basket as his mother lovingly brushes him.

Salem- Aaah! <Purr>

Mrs. Saberhagen- What a good kitty my son is, Yes.

Sabrina comes up the stairs.

Sabrina- Hi, Mrs. Saberhagen.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Oh hi. He’s just a big ball of fluff, that’s what you are. (To Sabrina) Isn’t he a big ball of fluff?

Salem- That’s what he is all right.

Sabrina smiles and goes into her room.

Mrs. Saberhagen- I’m going to make my son a nice big fish dinner.

Salem- With fish?

Mrs. Saberhagen goes down stairs.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina shouts out the window.

Sabrina- BOTH OF YOU GO HOME!

Salem enters and jumps onto the bed.

Salem- mom’s makin’ mackerel.

Sabrina- Salem, can we talk?

Salem- Isn’t my mother great? I mean all mother’s are great but isn’t my mother just plain better than anyone else’s?

Sabrina- Harvey and Dash want me to chose between them. I don’t know what to do?

Salem- Did I tell ya she brushed me for hours this afternoon? It felt so silky good.

Sabrina- Salem, you're not even listening to me!

Salem- I am too!

Mrs. Saberhagen- (OS) Salem, do you want to lick the de-boning knife?

Salem- Gotta go. Good luck with the bake sale.

He jumps down from the bed and heads off down stairs.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom, later. Sabrina’s just finished up writing a letter.

Sabrina- (To herself) Maybe I can’t see my mother without turning her into a giant candle, but I don’t see why I can’t write her a letter.

She folds the letter into a paper aeroplane

Sabrina- (Cont.) When it absolutely, positively has to be there in two seconds flat.

She throws the paper plane out of her window and it leaves a trail of sparkles

Ext. The Andes mountains, Peru. two seconds later. An archaeological dig is in progress. A woman in shorts, hiking boots and a wide brimmed hat carefully scrapes away the dirt from around an ancient artefact as a paper plane lands beside her. Sabrina’s mom picks it up and looks around for who threw it.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom at the same time. The Quizmaster flashes into being by her window and looks out. He turns to Sabrina with a horrified expression.

Quizmaster- Are you crazy?!

Sabrina- You wear those clothes and ask If I’m crazy?

Quizmaster- Your mother is mortal, you are half witch. You are not allowed to send her letters until you get your witches licence and that includes air mail.

Sabrina- You opened my paper aeroplane? I think that’s illegal.

Quizmaster- I didn’t read it, the Witches Council did and they are furious. They’ve handed down a decree.

He snaps his fingers and a scroll of parchment flashes into his hand.

Sabrina- Hey! I thing you’ve singed my eye brows.

The Quizmaster reads the parchment.

Quizmaster- Oh boy, this is worse than I ever imagined.

Sabrina- What does it say?

Quizmaster- (Reading) Because you broke the rules you have to chose between being a witch or seeing your mom ever again.

Sabrina- I have to either give up all my magic or never see my mother again? That’s crazy! It’s unjust! It’s unfair! And I'm pretty sure it's bad for the environment!

Quizmaster- It’s the Council, They’re one gaggle of bitter old witches.

Sabrina- Well no one ever said I couldn’t write to my mother.

Quizmaster- Well it’s right here in your magic book.

Sabrina reaches across and rips out the page and scruples it up.

Sabrina- Not anymore.

Quizmaster- You have to chose between your mom or your magic. You have twelve hours.

He snaps his finger and vanishes.

Sabrina- Wasn’t choosing between boyfriends enough for one day?

She stamps her foot in frustration.

Int. Sabrina’s grandmother’s living room. Zelda pick up a photo of herself from the sideboard, it’s one of many. Hilda holds a trophy, one among many in a cabinet against the wall.

Hilda- (Reading) Winner of the Other Realm science fair, Zelda Spellman.

She puts it back down and picks up a silver cup.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh (Reading) Outstanding student of the decade, Zelda Spellman.

Zelda- Oh.

Hilda sees a frames certificate on the wall.

Hilda- (Reading) Best of the best, Zelda Spellman. Oh you're right, she loves us both the same.

Zelda- Oh come on, there must be something here of yours.

She looks around the room and trips on something. She bends down to pick it up.

Zelda- (Cont.) Oh look, she kept your hat.

Hilda- She borrowed it over a hundred years ago and never returned it.

Zelda- Really? She always returns everything she borrows from me.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina’s trying to get in touch with her aunts using her crystal ball, she waves her hand above it.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda! Aunt Hilda! Can you hear me, I need help?

Recorded message on crystal ball- The Other Realm customer you are trying to contact is either not available or has travelled outside our service area. Please try again later.

Sabrina- Hey! (Tapping the crystal) I’m supposed to have unlimited roaming with this thing.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina is caught up by Harvey.

Harvey- Hi.

Sabrina- Hi.

Harvey- Listen er, the other day when I said chose, I meant chose me.

Sabrina- I wish that was the only decision I had to make.

Harvey- What?

Sabrina- Nothing. Um, did you get your mom’s present yet?

Harvey- No, I still haven’t found anything perfect enough.

Harvey flips through one of his text books and while he’s distracted Sabrina does a quick incantation.

Sabrina- (To Herself) To get Harvey’s mind off this romantic rift, send his mom the ideal gift.

She points at her locker and opens it. She takes out the small porcelain shepherdess that’s there.

Sabrina- (Cont. to the powers of magic.) You're kidding?

She turns to Harvey.

Sabrina- (Cont.) How about this?

Harvey mouth drops in surprise.

Harvey- Is that Heidi and her goat friends?

Sabrina- Could be.

Harvey- Oh, My mom’s been wanting it for years but they stopped making it.

Sabrina- Three cheers for them.

Harvey- My mom’ll pass a stone. How on earth did you ever get this?

Sabrina- Magic.

Harvey kisses her on her cheek and leaves. Sabrina walks sadly along the hallway deep in her own problems. A bunch of carrots appear in front of her attached to a Dashiell.

Sabrina- Carrots? A little standard but thanks.

Dashiell- They’re not for you, I bought you a pony named Peatie. So d’ya like me better?

Sabrina- Dash I...

Dashiell- (Interrupting) Oh come on, look there’s an unimaginative mortal boy and me. What’s your decision?

Sabrina- I’m thinking nunnery.

She walks off, but if she hoped for a little peace she is sadly let down.

Quizmaster- Tick-tock! Clocks ticking Sabrina. Your mom, or your magic?

Sabrina- Right now, magic.

She points and the Quizmaster disappears.

Quizmaster- (OS) Oh I can still do it from here. Tick-tock! Tick-tock!

Sabrina walks on batting at the invisible Quizmaster with her carrots.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Salem has a napkin tucked in his collar as his mother waits on him paw and erm paw.

Mrs. Saberhagen- How would you like your salmon today dear?

Salem- In huge portions.

Sabrina enters looking glum.

Sabrina- Anybody want carrots?

Quizmaster- (OS) Tick-tock! Tick tock!

Sabrina- Very subtle.

Mrs. Saberhagen- I’ll put some carrots in with the fish.

Salem- No, don’t taint it.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Whatever my pudding cake wants.

Salem- (To Sabrina) I can’t believe I lived all those years without contact with my mom. I tell you Sabrina, my heart is floating.

Sabrina- I gotta go think.

She gets up and heads upstairs but stops to watch as Mrs. Saberhagen brings Salem his salmon dinner.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Atchoo!

Salem- Are you catching a cold mommy?

He hands her a small handkerchief by paw.

Salem- (Cont.) Here.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Oh Thank you Salem. Oh my little boy.

She pets and strokes him as he purrs. A smile crosses Sabrina’s lips as she sees how happy her pet cat is with his mother. She carries on up stairs.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina enters and drops her bag to the floor before flopping back on her bed.

Sabrina- (To herself) What am I gonna do? I know! I know! Tick-tock!

In her mind she sees Mrs. Saberhagen with Salem. She strokes his furry cheek.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Salem.

The image changes to her mother with a young Sabrina. Her mother strokes her cheek.

Sabrina’s mom- Sabrina, Sabrina.

The images fades back to Sabrina on her bed.

Sabrina- Oh I miss my mom, but I love having magic.

Again she remembers the fun and good times she’s had as a witch accompanied by The Police’s ‘Every little thing she does’

A point and Libby gets covered in pie from her locker.

A point and Valerie gets a new sweater.

A point and Sabrina becomes a gingerbread sidings salesperson.

A thought and she levitates while doing yoga with her aunts.

A point and Libby becomes a goat.

A wish and it’s the sixties.

A point and there’s twenty percent off a dress.

A point and she’s a clown terrorising the Quizmaster.

A gift as she becomes Santa on her vacuum cleaner flying across a harvest moon.

So many recollections and so much fun. To lose it all, but then again.

Sabrina- I know what I have to do.

She sits up.

Int. Spellman Kitchen Salem sits with his mom.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Ah ahh ahhhhh!

Salem holds his paw beneath her nose stopping the building sneeze.

Salem- Maybe you put too much pepper in the peppers?

Mrs. Saberhagen- Ahtchoo!!

Salem- Bless you.

Mrs. Saberhagen- Oh I haven’t sneezed this much since two hundred years ago when your father brought home that stray...

Salem and his mom stare at one another for a long second.

Salem and Mrs. Saberhagen- (Together) Cat!

Salem- Nooooo!

Mrs. Saberhagen- Ahtchoo!

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom.

Sabrina- Quizmaster!

He appears as if summoned by magic, oh wait...!

Sabrina- I’ve made my decision.

Quizmaster- Oh good because.

He holds up his wrist and an alarm goes off. Sabrina’s not amused.

Quizmaster- (Cont.) Sorry, I was just trying to lighten things up.

Sabrina- I love being a witch.

Quizmaster- So that’s your decision?

Sabrina- But I can’t live without seeing my mother.

Quizmaster- Now you're sure you realise what this means? Your powers will be gone for ever, you won’t even be able to do card tricks.

Sabrina- This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, I’ve made up my mind.

Quizmaster- All right then.

She holds up her magic pointing finger and the Quizmaster takes a small container from his pocket. Sabrina’s body is covered in a shimmer of sparkling light as the natural power within her flows to the surface and along her arm to her finger, It flows across into the container leaving her feeling drained and weak. She starts to faint and the Quizmaster quickly lends her support.

Quizmaster- Hey are you okay? I’ve seen more colour in a plain yoghurt.

He sits her down on her bed. She looks pale and pasty, her hair hangs straight and limp instead of it's usual waves.

Sabrina- I feel nervous, and insecure, and self conscious, and extremely depressed.

Quizmaster- Then the transformation is complete, you're a normal teenager again.

Sabrina- Will you do me a favour and zap me to my mommy?

Quizmaster- Sure thing.

A snap of his fingers and Sabrina, the teenage... teenager is gone.

Ext. The Andes Mountains, Peru. Mrs. Spellman is setting up a theodolite at the dig site when Sabrina appears, unfortunately she appears a foot above the ground in the sitting position she was in when she was zapped. Without the bed to support it, her butt hits the ground hard.

Sabrina- (To the Quizmaster back in Westbridge) You could have been a little more gentle.

Sabrina’s mom- Sabrina!

Sabrina- Mom!

They run to one another and hug, smiling and laughing. Her mother steps back and looks at herself.

Sabrina’s mom- (Whispering) How come I’m not a ball of wax?

Sabrina- Because I’m not a witch anymore.

Sabrina’s mom- What happened?

Sabrina- Oh it’s a long story, is there a dung-hill were we can go sit and talk?

Her mother points to a convenient dung hill.

Int. Sabrina’s grandmothers house. Hilda’s given up the search but Zelda’s still determined.

Zelda- There must be something of yours that mother kept.

Hilda- Give it up Zelda, there’s nothing.

Then Hilda spots something on the floor.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh, wait a minute, I’ve found something.

Zelda rushes over to see.

Zelda- What?

Hilda- This stain on the carpet, I spilled ink when I was young.

Zelda- That’s right. Mother had just made friends with Rorschach.

Hilda- That’s how she remembers me, a smudge on the carpet of her life.

Zelda- Wait! What’s this?

This is an old clay horse made by a child.

Zelda- (Cont.) The first thing little Hilda ever zapped.

Hilda- My little clay horse!

Zelda- Why is it in pain?

Hilda- Because I gave it corrective shoes. But the point is she kept this stupid little thing all these years because it meant so much to her. She didn’t keep anything like this of yours, maybe she does like me best.

The phone rings, Zelda answers.

Zelda- Hello? Mother, where are you, Hilda and I have been wait... I see... U-hu... Well then... All right, goodbye mother.

She puts down the receiver.

Hilda- What? What? What?

Zelda- She’s with Vesta. They went shopping. Vesta bought her some new ears and now Vesta’s taking her to the Riviera to show them off.

Hilda- I know she’s our sister, and I love Vesta, but where does she get off living so long?

Zelda- Well, it does solve the mystery.

Hilda- Our mothers favourite daughter.

Hilda and Zelda- (Together) Vesta.

Ext. The Andes mountains, Peru. Sabrina sits at the camp fire eating supper off a tin plate. A Peruvian native offers them a second helping.

Peruvian Indian- More beetle purée?

Sabrina- No... thank you, it was wonderful except for the taste.

Sabrina’s mom- Oh, the life of an archaeologist.

Sabrina- Do you ever regret not staying an archaeology teacher and living the comfortable indoor life?

Sabrina’s mom- No. I mean no life is ever perfect Sabrina. Y’know every choice you make you have your good parts and your bad parts.

Sabrina picks something from between her teeth.

Sabrina- Beetle husk.

Sabrina’s mom- Bad part.

Sabrina- Yeah, I know what you mean. Like giving up magic was bad but then I got you. Of course I’m risking malaria but it was a lovely sunset. But I still have to chose between Harvey and Dash.

Sabrina’s mom- Hm, d’you know what I’d do? I would make a list of pro’s and con’s for each guy right, and then I would throw it away and follow my heart.

Sabrina- I missed you.

Sabrina’s mom- I missed you too honey.

They hug.

Sabrina’s mom- (Cont.) So, any other questions you have that only a mother can answer?

Sabrina- Yeah, how do I get off this mountain?

Ext. The Andes mountains, Peru. The next Morning. Mrs. Spellman waves her daughter off.

Sabrina’s mom- Bye honey, have a safe trip. See you soon!

Sabrina- Bye. See you soon. You know, you might want to call my aunts and tell them I might be a little late.

She turns her burro and give it a light tap with her heals to send it on it’s way.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Salem is lay by the phone sobbing as Zelda enters.

Zelda- Now why are you crying?

Salem- My mom went to a doctor for allergy treatment, she’s going to take the needle just for me. <Sob>

Zelda- I’m sorry you only get to see your mother for such a short time.

Salem- She’s my mother, a short times plenty.

Hilda enters through the back door.

Hilda- Look what I’ve found!

She brushes back the lank, greasy, dirty hair from it’s filthy face and shows it to Zelda.

Hilda- It's Sabrina!

Sabrina- I rode a Burro to a truck, a truck to the bus, the bus to the aeroplane. The Burro was the best part.

In a flash of negativity the Quizmaster appears propping up the counter.

Quizmaster- How was your trip to Peru? I meant to ask you to pick me up an El Paco sweater.

Sabrina- What are you doing here? I don’t need a Quizmaster anymore.

Hilda- Soap is what she needs, and a wire brush.

Quizmaster- I know you're going to get mad when you hear this, but this whole thing was a test.

He was right.

Sabrina- WHAT?!

He glances at the knife holder beside him on the counter

Quizmaster- Maybe I should have broke the news away from all these sharp objects.

Sabrina- What kind of test? What are you talking about? (To her aunts) Why is he always doing this to me?

She tries to kick him but can’t quite manage it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, my clothes are too encrusted with dirt. (To her aunts) Someone please kick him.

Hilda goes to do it but Zelda stops her.

Quizmaster- One of the most important tests you have to take before getting your witches licence. Maybe the most important, is to show that there is something in this universe that means more to you than magic.

Hilda- And you proved that by choosing your mother.

Zelda- And we couldn’t be prouder of you.

Sabrina- Let me guess, you two were involved in this?

Zelda- We had to leave you alone so you could take the test by yourself.

Hilda- Although why we couldn’t have gone to Acapulco still baffles me.

Sabrina- Wait! This couldn’t have been a test, I mean my powers are really out. Why else would I have to drive forty miles in a truck full of chickens?

Quizmaster- Your powers were taken away so you could visit your mom. Now that you're back, so is your magic.

He takes out the magic container and opens it. The force leaps forth and is absorbed by Sabrina’s body. Unfortunately it’s going to take more than magic to get this girl clean.

Sabrina- So I can really zap again?

Quizmaster- Absolutely.

Sabrina- Then what am I waiting for?

She zaps the Quizmaster.

Ext. The Andes mountains Peru. A chicken truck makes it way down the bumpy rutted dirt track that the locals use as a road. In the back is a gaudily dressed man among the crates of hens.

Quizmaster- This is a thankless job.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Sabrina comes up the stairs followed by her aunts.

Zelda- What about Harvey and Dashiell?

Hilda- Yeah, who’re you going to chose? We’re dying to know.

Sabrina- Well my mom said to follow my heart, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Hilda- That’s how I ended up sharing a studio apartment with Vlad The Impaler.

Zelda- Come on, who ya gonna chose?

Sabrina- I don’t know, but I guess I have time to decide.

Quizmaster- (OS) Tick-tock!

Sabrina- Quit it!

Sabrina goes into her bedroom.

Hilda- (Calling after) Is there an ETA on that bath?

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina paces still filthy and smelly as she tries to come to a decision regarding the guys.

Sabrina- Dash is really sweet and funny, but Harvey’s really sweet and funny, but Dash is half witch so we’ve so much in common.

Run credits.

Sabrina- (Cont.) But Harvey and I have so much history together, I mean a whole year. Dash has that great smile but Harvey has those great puppy dog eyes. Oh, I don’t know how I’m going to decide. What do you think?

Salem- I think you smell! Could we at least run a bath while you talk?

He has a clothes peg over his nose.

Sabrina- I don’t think it’s me.

She looks across to where the Burro is nibbling at her bedspread while it’s other end does it’s own thing.

Salem- Good grief man! Be civilised. Some of us use a box.