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Sabrina The Teenage Witch - View Transcript

Disneyworld

Written By - David Lesser
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Valerie - Lindsey Sloan
Libby - Jenna Liegh Green
Mr. Kraft - Martin Mull
The Quizmaster - Alimi Ballard
Tootie - Brian La Rosa
Bellboy - Paul Dillery
Cheerleader - Trish De Prume

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

 

Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Harvey and the guys are playing Keep it up with a hackeysack. Harvey kicks it up. Howard stretches but manages to get his foot beneath it and keep it going. Mr. Kraft cheats by catching it.

Mr. Kraft- What is this obsession you young people have with joy?

Harvey- I blame the media.

Mr. Kraft- Well final examinations are just around the corner young man and you cannot afford to waste one minute on this hedonistic frolicking.

He smells at the hackeysack. Then pulling a face he holds it by his finger tips as he walks off confiscating it.

Harvey- (To the guys) Maybe I should study. I didn’t understand a word he said.

Further down the hallway Sabrina is at her locker when the Quizmaster finds her.

Quizmaster- Hey! You buy a candy bar to help with the janitors hip replacement?

He holds out a fist full of them that he’s been talked into buying.

Sabrina- Aren’t you trespassing on government property?

Quizmaster- No, I’m here to inform you that you can expect a very big witch exam sometime soon.

Sabrina- It doesn’t involve changing the earth’s orbit does it because the last time I tried that a little thing called El Nino happened.

Quizmaster- Well I can’t tell you when but I can tell you where.

Mr. Kraft walks towards them writing in a clip board and muttering to himself.

Mr. Kraft- Oh boy, I don’t know why they can’t just except the misery that should be their lives.

The Quizmaster snaps his fingers and Mr. Kraft suddenly brightens up.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Class trip to Florida!

With another snap of the Quizmaster’s fingers Mr. Kraft reverts back to his miserable self and Sabrina is suddenly all happiness and light.

Sabrina- We’re going to Disneyworld!

And nobody is more surprised by her announcement than she is. The hallway erupts into cheering and she bumps hips with the Quizmaster as Mr. Kraft walks off shaking his head.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda are packing.

Hilda- I am so glad we're chaperoning this trip to Disneyworld. I love Splash Mountain more than life itself. What’s your favourite part?

Zelda- There’s a palientalogical dig at the new Animal Kingdom theme park and it just sounds fascinating!

Hilda- Only you could make the happiest place on earth sound dry and clinical.

Zelda- I like bones!

Hilda- They’re fake! Disney! Remember?

Zelda- I know that, but I also happen to know that the area was inhabited by real dinosaurs at one time.

Hilda- And if they were alive today, they’d ride the rides.

Zelda- Well we should get to the airport. (Calling up stairs) Salem! We’re leaving!

Hilda- (Calling) Don’t forget to feed the cat! (To Zelda) I love saying that.

They shoulder their bags and head for the door.

Hilda- (Cont.) Where is the cat anyway?

Zelda checks her watch.

Zelda- Well it’s nine o’clock, he’s probably upstairs watching Regis.

A small black head with yellow eyes pokes out of Hilda’s carry-all.

Salem- (Under his breath) He-he-he! He-he-he!

Ext. Disney’s Animal Kingdom. The Westbridge school trip is gathered.

Sabrina- I can’t believe we’re here!

Valerie- This is so exciting!

Harvey- We know! Do you think Mr. Kraft has a brain lesion?

They look across to where Libby and her Cheerleader chums are gathered not looking all that excited.

Sabrina- Why is it that cool people never show any emotion? I mean no matter how great the situation, they never seem like they have fun!

Valerie- I know! Why can’t I be like them?

Sabrina- Because you have blood in your veins.

Valerie- From now on I’m going to be cool. I’m going to hide how much fun I’m having.

Mr. Kraft comes over to Sabrina’s little group with room assignments.

Mr. Kraft- Er room three, forty-six, Spellman and Birkhead. You are room-mates.

Valerie- Yes! Yes! Yes!

She so excited she reaches up and kisses Mr. Kraft on the cheek.

Mr. Kraft- Don’t do that.

He walks off.

Valerie- I wish I were a cool person so I could make fun of me right now.

Int. Room 346. Sabrina’s unpacking while Valerie sits on her bed reading a leaflet.

Valerie- I told Harvey we’d meet him in front of the Tree of life.

Sabrina- Okay, and then we should go to Harombi Africa. It’s in the deepest, darkest part of the continent, right next to the gift-shop.

There’s a knock at their door.

Bellboy- (OS) Room service!

Valerie- I didn’t order anything, did you?

Sabrina- No!

Valerie answers the door and the bellboy smiles and pushes in a dinner trolley with a pot of coffee and a covered silver salver on it. The waiter is the Quizmaster.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh wait! I did order something. Um you know what? Why don’t um you go ahead and I’ll meet up with you and Harvey right after I finish my...

She lifts the lid on the salver and sees a large pile of black string-like strips.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Liquorice!

Valerie- Okay.

She leaves.

Sabrina- I only like red!

Quizmaster- Who said it’s for you? Now okay, here’s your exam. You’re on a survival mission. You have to brew a potion capable of turning yourself into an animal and another potion that will turn you back.

Sabrina- I already know how to do that!

Quizmaster- You have to do it without the use of your finger.

Sabrina- Okay, now you’re not getting a tip.

Quizmaster- It’s in case you’re lost in an unknown land, your fingers broken and you need to become an animal in order to survive.

Sabrina- And how many witches has this happened to before?

Quizmaster- One, and Slow Bob has never been the same since. Here’s your list of required ingredients.

He hands her a sheet of paper from the trolley.

Sabrina- (Reading) Mostly plants! Tropical plants, which would explain Florida.

Quizmaster- Exactly. Now you only have until the end of today to complete this critical test. You fail it and you won’t get your witches licence. That means no rides.

Sabrina- Great! Well why don’t you just take me to Paris and not let me eat the food!

Ext. The Tree of life.

Valerie- This is so amazing! This tree has three hundred and twenty-five animals carved into it.

Harvey- One of them looks like Ed Aznor!

Valerie- Y’know, I don’t know where Sabrina is. How much room service liquorice did she order?

Harvey looks at her oddly.

Valerie- (Cont.) Never mind.

Sabrina may not be there but Libby is.

Libby- Hey Harvey! Sure look nice today.

Harvey- Thanks!

Sabrina arrives at last.

Libby- Especially by comparison.

Sabrina- Libby, the Jungle Cruise wants it’s shrunken head back. Oh I’m sorry! That’s your actual head!

Libby- How does it feel being unpopular in a tropical setting?

Libby heads back to her cool chums.

Valerie- So! Ready to explore?

Sabrina- Actually there’s been a little change on that front. See, I suddenly realised that I forgot to do a report on plants for science.

Valerie- But I’m in that class, you don’t have a report.

Sabrina- Did I say plants for science? I meant government! Well I’ll just do a little foraging and catch up with you later. See ya!

And like a flash she’s away.

Valerie- (Calling after) I’m in that class too!

Int. Hilda and Zelda’s room. The sisters are getting ready to go out and enjoy the delights of Disneyworld.

Hilda- Okay! So we’ll spend fifteen minutes digging for bones at the dinosaur place and then the rest of the day on the rides right?

Zelda- That’s not the plan and you know it.

Hilda- Well it should be!

They head for the door when there third room-mate speaks up.

Salem- Der excuse me but aren’t you two forgetting something?

Zelda- Salem, we’re still mad at you for stowing away. You are not going anywhere.

Hilda- Besides cats aren’t even allowed in the park.

Salem- Er-dib-du-what?!

Zelda- Oh we’ll try to bring you a souvenir.

Hilda- Yeah, I think it’s time you started collecting spoons.

They leave closing the door to keep Salem from getting out.

Salem- (To himself) I should have known Disney wouldn’t be cat friendly. Why else would the star attraction be a giant mouse?

There’s a knock at the door.

Maid- (OS) Housekeeping!

The door opens and the maid sticks her head in to check that the room isn’t occupied then she turns to get her trolley. Salem takes his chance at freedom.

Salem- (Thinking) Fried park food, here I come!

And he’s out through the open door and off.

Ext. The tropical gardens. While the rest of Westbridge’s youth enjoy the white knuckle rides Sabrina roots around the rare and exotic flora in search of her ingredients. She plucks a leaf as Mr. Kraft walks past.

Mr. Kraft- Miss Spellman! D’you mind telling me what you are doing trespassing on park property?

Sabrina- Ah looking for the ice-machine!

Mr. Kraft pulls out his ever present note pad and makes a note.

Ext.- Dinoland USA In a simulated palientalogical dig Zelda is on her knees brushing dirt away from something she has found while Hilda stands around bored.

Hilda- Do you realise that instead of standing out here in the hot sun, we could actually be flying through the air on Space Mountain? Barfing our guts out?

Zelda- Oh my gosh! Look what I just found!

Hilda- Styrofoam from the late eighties?

Zelda- No! It’s a real bone from some sort of beast.

She holds up her treasure with excitement gleaming in her eyes.

Zelda- (Cont.) I’ve just discovered the femur of a creature that lived millions of years ago.

Hilda- Wow! You can’t top that! So let’s stop trying!

Ext. The tropical gardens. Sabrina’s plant search continues and the suspicious Mr. Kraft wanders by again.

Mr. Kraft- Sabrina! Still looking for the ice-machine?

Sabrina- Er nope!

And with a little flick of her finger an ice bucket appears hidden amongst the undergrowth.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Found it!

She lifts the lid and takes an ice-cube before coming down onto the path. She sucks at it.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Delicious!

She hurries off.

Mr. Kraft- (To Himself) Far be it for me to question the Walt Disney Corporation, but that does not seem convenient.

He makes a note.

Ext. Dinoland USA Zelda studies her find with a magnifying glass

Zelda- This kind of discovery could put me in the history books.

Hilda’s had enough and starts to leave.

Zelda- (Cont.) Are you going to alert the media?

Hilda- No. I’m going to get bug-spray. Although mosquito bite is starting to sound exciting.

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Harvey and Valerie walk past Libby and her cheerleader friend.

Libby- Have you noticed that Sabrina is nowhere to be seen and Harvey’s all alone? Well except for that girl.

Cheerleader- Valerie.

Libby- Whatever!

She turns to the rest of the cool gang.

Libby- (Cont.) Girls, I think it’s time I made my move on him. I’ll just hang around awkward little Valerie and work my magic on Harvey.

Cool Gang- Go for it!

Libby chases after Harvey and Valerie and doesn’t see that Hilda is stood near by having overheard her dastardly scheme. Libby catches up with Harvey and Valerie a little way along the path.

Libby- Hey guys!

Hilda- (To herself) Not if I work my magic first. You can’t make a move on him if you can’t find him.

She points and Harvey vanishes. Libby and Valerie looks around wondering where he’s shot off to.

Libby- Where did Harvey go?

Valerie- Where did he go!

Ext. The Harombi Wild Life Reserve.. Kids and their parents sit on the tour bus as a guide dressed as Jungle Jim talks them through the many wonders to be seen. It’s Harvey.

Harvey- Good morning! I’m Harvey and I’ll be your guide as we tour the Harombi Wild Life Reserve. Please keep your arms inside the vehicle and enjoy the ride. And if anyone has a pace-maker or smells like fresh meat, let me know.

Ext. Animal Kingdom.

Libby- Are you sure you don’t know where Harvey is?

Valerie- Trust me, I’d rather be wherever he is than standing here uncomfortable waiting for him. Hey! Maybe he went to the riverboat ride, that’s what we planned to do next.

Libby- Well great! I’ll come with you.

Valerie- But I’ll be there!

Libby- That’s okay. We can all share a seat.

Valerie- Really?

Libby strides off towards the ride and Valerie stands looking after her in disbelief.

Valerie- (Cont.)(Under her breath) Try to remain calm! Whatever! (Calling after) Hey! Wait up!

Ext. The murky depths of the everglades, about a yard from the path Sabrina bends down to pick another plant for her potions.

Sabrina- There you are you little Star Aster!

She then climbs back onto the path to be confronted by Mr. Kraft and his note book.

Mr. Kraft- Sabrina! I have had just about enough of these shenanigans. Now...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) You’d think they’d have more bathrooms around here!

She calmly walks away leaving Mr. Kraft confused.

Ext. Dinoland USA Hilda arrives back laden down with shopping bags and wearing a safari hat with Mickey Mouse ears on it..

Hilda- Hey! Do you wanna see the personalised souvenir mug I got you? They didn’t have Zelda so I got Pam.

But her sister isn’t interested in mugs when she has a bone to play with.

Zelda- I’ve got to find out more about this bone!

She kneels before it and gestures.

Zelda- (Cont.) Of this bone there is much in doubt, so of yourself tell me all about.

Hilda- That poem is so bad you could get a grant.

The bone starts to quiver on the ground.

Bone- D'ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Hilda- Hey! It talks!

Zelda- Oh my ape talks a little rusty, Can you make out what it’s saying?

Hilda- I think it means ‘Bone, cold!’ Well now we know the phrase ‘D'ah!’ dates back to prehistoric times.

Ext. The riverboat ride. Valerie and Libby get off. They’re both excited.

Valerie- That was so scary!

Libby- I know, I was sure we were going to crash and die at the dry rocks!

Valerie- Really? You covered it so well with your screaming.

Libby remembers that she’s not supposed to be having fun with Valerie.

Libby- Where’s Harvey!

Valerie- That’s amazing! I was just wondering the same thing!

Ext. Harombi Wild Life Reserve. The bus trundles on through the svelte.

Harvey- We are now approaching Hippo River. The hippopotamus’ are among the most aggressive animals in the jungle. Fortunately our Harombi therapists are working with the hippo’s to channel that anger.

In another part of the reserve another wild life drama unfolds.

Salem- (Thinking) I hope this is the way to the frozen banana stand.

Something blocks his path.

Salem- (Cont.) What’s that! Big, pink bird! Don’t panic! Remain calm!

The Flamingo ambles over towards Salem

Salem- (Cont.) Everything’s under control! Nothing to be afraid of! Argh!

The Flamingo is right on top of him now.

Salem- (Cont.) Run away!!

And he does just that.

Ext.- Animal Kingdom. Valerie and Libby shelter from a short, sharp tropical downpour.

Valerie- Hey, after it stops raining let’s go to the African Village. I think we can get our picture taken with a real life poacher.

Libby- Great!

Sabrina arrives.

Sabrina- Hey Valerie... and Libby. Where’s Harvey?

Libby- Don’t you know where he is? I thought he was your good friend?

Sabrina- Oh yeah! Of course I know where he is. I mean he’s obviously... staying away from you.

She pushes Valerie a little way out of Libby’s earshot.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Why are you hanging out with her?

Valerie- She wanted to hang out with me.

Sabrina- No seriously, Why?

Valerie- Because she wanted to.

Sabrina- Wow! You are serious.

Valerie- Yeah, wanna come?

Sabrina- No, I haven’t finished my report yet. Some jerk with a leaf-blower came by and I lost half my work.

She leaves and Libby gives her a little sarcastic wave.

Ext. Dinoland USA Zelda’s still not getting much information out of her bone.

Zelda- Hmm! Maybe I should give him more consciousness.

She zaps the bone with her finger and the Mr. Cro-Magnon grows from it. Long black hair, straggly beard, flee infested animal skins, bandy legs and knuckles that skim the ground. He’d fit right in, in Seattle. It’s a grunge thing.

Hilda- Zelda! Do the words ‘Going overboard’ mean anything to you?

The caveman grunts and growls waving his arms about.

Zelda- Oh quickly Hilda! What’s he saying?

Hilda- Ah, his name is Tootie and he want’s to know if you stole his Nemwahma. Which is either shoes or wife.

Tootie’s prancing around is attracting attention. People think he’s part of the Dinoland experience and gather round to watch the show.

Zelda- Oh! O-ho we’re beginning to attract attention. We’d better take him back to the hotel room so we can study him further.

Hilda- All right but you’re asking the management for the roll-away bed.

Int. Room 346. Sabrina is checking her supply of plants against the list of ingredients and ticking them off.

Sabrina- Witch-hazel. Shaved coconut. I hope it doesn’t matter I got it from the ice-cream stand. Palm fronds.

There’s a thump at the door followed by a grunt.

Salem- (OS) Help! Let me in! <Sob!>

Sabrina gets up and opens the door and Salem bolts into the room like a cat.

Sabrina- Salem, what’s wrong?

Salem- I just narrowly escaped death by winged beast!

Sabrina- No you didn’t.

Salem- I’m tellin’ ya, I was savagely attacked by a pterodactyl! Is that decafe?

Sabrina looks across at what has distracted Salem from his mortal terror and sees a coffee jug on the side.

Sabrina- No, it’s the first potion for my quiz. I still need more plants for the second potion but I thought I’d brew up this batch first.

Valerie enters.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hi!

Valerie doesn’t reply. She’s put out that Sabrina has pretty much ignored her all day.

Sabrina- (Cont.) So where’s Libby?

Valerie- In the lobby.

Sabrina- D’you two think you’re going to be hanging out the rest of the day?

Valerie- Probably.

She gets her sun-cream and starts rubbing it on.

Valerie- (Cont.) Is that so strange?

Sabrina- A little. I think she’s up to something.

Valerie- Oh and I guess she couldn’t be hanging out with me on the off chance that she likes me. I mean, no way I could ever be popular!

Sabrina- So now you’re seeing my point! I’m just trying to look out for you.

Valerie- By insulting me? Look, you just can’t admit that I have the ability to be cool! And I do! I’m being cool right now.

Sabrina- Well I’m just saying that I wouldn’t trust Libby but if you want to, fine! I have more foraging to do.

She grabs her shoulder bag and leaves. Valerie sighs and spots Salem sat on the table.

Valerie- (To Herself) She brought her cat? Hi kitty. Ooo!

She spots the coffee jug on the table and sniffs at it.

Valerie- (Cont.) Fresh brewed tea. I bet Libby would love some iced-tea.

She takes Sabrina’s plastic water bottle from the table and fills it from the jug.

Salem- (Thinking) Not a good idea.

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Students are sat drinking soda and having fun until Mr. Kraft arrives.

Mr. Kraft- A-hem! Ladies and gentlemen this is a school funded field trip, not an excuse to have fun.

He Makes a note as Valerie and Libby walk past.

Valerie- Oh I almost forgot. I got us some iced-tea, I think it’s herbal.

Libby- Valerie, where is Harvey?

Valerie- I don’t know.

Libby- You keep saying that.

Valerie- It’s ‘cause I keep not knowing.

Ext. Harombi Wild Life Reserve. The tour is a long one.

Harvey- No Ma’am, the impalas that we’re going to see are antelopes with red coats, not American made sedans with front wheel drive. Yes, the same situation as with the falcons.

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Libby and Valerie have wandered a little off the beaten track.

Valerie- Hey, let’s visit the Gorilla Falls trail. Iced-tea?

She pops the top of the ice-tea bottle as she turns to Libby and it splashes out over them both.

Libby- Ew!

Valerie- Sorry!

Libby- The only reason I’m even standing close to you is...

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence because it’s quite difficult to make coherent words through large, grass grinding teeth and double-jointed lips. She turns to the other zebra beside her and they both amble off to find some sweet grass. Mr. Kraft ambles up to where they had been.

Mr. Kraft- Zebras’ aren’t supposed to... Oh get a hold of yourself Willard. O-ho!

He bends down and picks up the discarded water bottle from the floor. It’s contents have completely spilled. He reads the sticker on it.

Mr. Kraft- (Reading) ‘Property of Sabrina Spellman.’ I knew it! This weird trip, that ice-machine and those zebras’ I... I have a sick headache.

Int. Room 346. Salem has decided to forego the risks involved in going out for food and has found an alternate way of filling his tummy.

Salem- Mmm! Macadamia nuts from the min-bar. Especially tasty when they’re your third jar and someone else is paying for 'em.

Sabrina enters.

Salem- (Cont.) <Sob!> Some squirrels broke in! I’m just tidying up. Back so soon?

Sabrina- Yeah, I-I still need one more plant for my second potion but I thought I’d come back and see if Valerie was still here so that I could apologise.

She spots the empty coffee jug on the table.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What happened to my potion!

Salem- Oh Valerie took it.

Sabrina- And you didn’t stop her!

Salem- Yeah, like I’m going to put down an over priced chocolate bar just to yell at Valerie. Get real!

Sabrina- Salem, this potion turns people into animals!

Salem- People into animals? Why am I finding it hard to summon sympathy?

Sabrina- I have to get it back!

She hurries out in search of Valerie and almost collides with a waiter with a trolley.

Bellboy- Room service. Someone order carp, carp and more carp?

Salem- Yello!

The bellboy enters looking for whoever ordered it while Sabrina dashes off.

Int. Hilda and Zelda’s room. Their guest is proving that rock stars really are not far removed from Neanderthals. He’s trashing the hotel room in fine style. Zelda takes notes.

Zelda- Oh this is the opportunity of a lifetime! A chance to study a prehistoric creature close up.

Hilda- Yeah, I have to admit, I am enjoying it.

Zelda- Really?

Hilda- Now I’m done. I wanna plummet down the Tower of Terror and I wanna plummet now!

Tootie starts grunting and growling again.

Zelda- What’s he saying?

Hilda- Log flume! Log flume!

Zelda- No he is not!

Hilda- Oh he’s hungry, and I would like to point out that he wouldn’t be hungry if you would turn him back into a bone.

Zelda- I’ll zap in some food. I’m thinking anything tartar. Wait a minute! I don’t wanna make him sick. Maybe I’d better go back to the place where we found him and analyse the soil so we can get his diet just right.

Hilda- I say give him a nut from the honour-bar and see if he can keep it down.

Zelda gets her bag and heads for the door.

Zelda- Keep an eye on him.

Hilda- Are you kidding? A looker like that?

Zelda leaves and Tootie leaps off the table onto the bed gesticulating and grunting wildly. Hilda tries to calm him.

Hilda- (Cont.) Take it easy! Take it easy! I’m upset that the hotel doesn’t provide robes too but you don’t see me tearing the room apart.

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Sabrina runs through the park looking for her friend.

Sabrina- (Calling) Valerie! Valerie!

She is ambushed by bespectacled man in a wide brimmed straw hat who leaps out of the bushes and waves a plastic water bottle at her.

Mr. Kraft- Lose something?

Sabrina- My brew! I mean my sports bottle! Where’d you find it?

Mr. Kraft- Oddly enough next to two wondering zebras’

Sabrina- Oh-no! You didn’t happen to notice which way those zebra’s went did you?

Mr. Kraft- No, why?

Sabrina- Oh because er I’m looking for Valerie and I happen to know she’s a real zebra fanatic. It’s a real problem, there are no support groups. Gotta go!

She snatches the bottle from him and runs off.

Mr. Kraft- (To himself) That girl is lying! There are support groups for everything.

He makes a note.

Int. Hilda and Zelda’s room. Tootie has calmed down and sits beside Hilda on the bed watching TV.

Hilda- Well I guess this disproves one theory. Music doesn’t soothe the savage beast, Petticoat Junction does.

Tootie leans over to Hilda and grunts a few times.

Hilda- Yeah! Uncle Joe is moving kinda slow.

Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, I need help! Libby and Valerie accidentally spilt my first potion and now they’ve become zebras’

Hilda- You think that’s bad? I once accidentally turned the entire USC marching band into garter snakes.

Sabrina- I need a clam-shell orchid for the turn-back potion.

Hilda- All right, don’t panic. This is not a problem. Clam-shell orchid? What’s it shaped like?

Tootie leaps up grunting and gesticulating.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh of course! Tootie used to live around here, he can help us.

Sabrina- And he is...?

Hilda- A two million year old fossil that Zelda found, brought to life and evolved so he can speak.

Sabrina- Okay, I can’t remember what it feels like to be astonished.

Hilda- All right, let’s go. Okay. (To Tootie) And remember, no grooming the passer’s by.

She opens the door and lets Sabrina and Tootie out before putting her safari hat on and following.

Hilda- (Cont.) Age before beauty.

Ext. Harombi Wild Life Reserve. Will this tour never end?

Harvey- The black rhino you see on your left is named Tiffany. Tiffany’s turn-on’s include volley-ball and Judith Kranze novels, her turn-off’s are war and people who smoke. No sir, she’s not waving at you.

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Tootie has been fixed up with some nineties clothes. A yellow sweatshirt, blue jeans and trainers. He walks bandy legged with Hilda and Sabrina and starts to grunt and point.

Hilda- Oh! He says there’s probably a clam-shell orchid over there.

Sabrina runs to the spot but finds a flower of a different smell.

Mr. Kraft- Well! Well! Well! Miss Spellman! Are we looking for a Mickey Mouse topiary to pull apart?

Sabrina quickly hides the jar with her second potion behind her back.

Sabrina- No but thanks for asking.

Mr. Kraft- You have something behind your back.

Sabrina- Probably not.

Hilda and her escort catch up.

Mr. Kraft- Oh hello Hilda, hello... Oh my, who is this?

Sabrina- Oh aunt Hilda’s new boyfriend Tootie... Goldberg.

Tootie grunts.

Hilda- He’s Swedish.

Sabrina- Yeah and he’s dying to see The Lion King show so we’d better go get seats.

Hilda- See ya!

They both rush off. Tootie growls and gesticulates at Mr. Kraft a few times before following.

Mr. Kraft- (To Himself) Boy, Swedes do not do well in warm weather.

Ext. The edge of the Harombi Wild life reserve. Sabrina, Hilda and Tootie have finally found the two zebras’

Sabrina- Okay, the clam-shell orchid's in.

She moves carefully closer to the grassing animals so as not to spook her friend and her enemy.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I hope this works ‘cause I don’t think being a zebra is going to help Valerie’s self-esteem.

She sprinkles some potion onto both zebras and stands back. The two girls are confused and look at each other before grimacing and rubbing at their tongues.

Libby and Valerie- Euck!

Int. Room 346. Salem is lay on the bed which is quite a feet since there is no room for him what with all the empty plates, dishes and trays.

Salem- (To himself) Okay! What have we learned? We’ve learned that fourteen shrimp cocktails should not be accompanied by an entire shepherds pie. <Sob!>

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Mr. Kraft has caught up with his two wayward students.

Valerie- I swear Mr. Kraft, I have no idea how I got there or why my mouth tastes like grass.

Libby- Me neither!

Mr. Kraft- Well I have an idea or two. I think it might have something to do with a certain obsessive compulsive disorder that one of you has with zebras.

Valerie- Huh?

Libby- I want you to know, I was just tying to save her from herself.

Valerie- What!

Mr. Kraft- I never doubted that for a minute Libby.

Libby- Before she went crazy the last thing I remember was me saying I thought it would be educational if we rode the safari ride. But we never got there.

Mr. Kraft- I’m on my way there right now, would you care to join me?

Libby- I’d love to Mr. Kraft.

They walk off leaving Valerie in their wake floundering.

Valerie- (To herself) Obsession with zebras?

Sabrina comes over.

Sabrina- Valerie are you okay?

Valerie- I think.

Hilda- Oh good. Okay, let’s go and find Zelda.

She and Tootie leave.

Sabrina- Are we okay?

Valerie- Yeah. Look I-I’m sorry I got sucked into Libby’s sphere and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. You were right, Libby doesn’t like me.

Sabrina- What tipped you off?

Valerie- I don’t know, I just have this strong feeling she fought me over a salt-lick. I don’t know why.

Sabrina- And I have to admit, I was a little jealous because you were being so friendly with Libby.

Valerie- You were? Wow! I’ve never made anyone jealous before! Okay, I’m done savouring the moment.

Sabrina- Then let’s go ride something.

Valerie- Great!

They head for the rides.

Valerie- (Cont.) Hey, who was that smelly man with your aunt?

Meanwhile Hilda and Tootie have found Zelda and are headed for the rides also.

Zelda- ...And prehistoric creatures ate a bean very similar to our lima.

Hilda- Somehow you find that interesting.

The two groups meet

Zelda- Hello girls. Where’s Harvey?

Sabrina- (To Valerie) Where is Harvey?

Valerie- I thought you knew?

Hilda- (Under her breath) O-oh!

Hilda knows but she’s not saying, she just waves her finger instead.

Ext. Harombi Wild Life Reserve. The tour bus finally reaches it’s stop.

Harvey- That concludes our trip through the Harombi Reserve. Please make sure you take all your belongings with you and to that couple who taunted the mandrills, that stuff will come out with a little club soda.

Libby and Mr. Kraft are at the stop waiting to take the next tour and see Harvey. Hilda's spell hits Harvey and he’s suddenly wondering what he’s doing there and why he’s dressed like that.

Mr. Kraft- Harvey Kinkle! Do you know where you are?

There’s a little residual left from the spell.

Harvey- Mr. Kraft! Yes, I’m near a termite mound that antelopes use as a look-out post. Help me!

Ext. Animal Kingdom. Cafe. Valerie and Sabrina are sat having snacks when Harvey arrives.

Valerie- Harvey! Where’ve you been?

Harvey- I don’t know. I’m kind of tired, my throats sore and I’m suddenly very disdainful of the way America dresses.

Valerie- Speaking of which, weren’t we forbidden to do any missionary work on this trip?

Harvey- I’ve gotta stop letting my mom pack for me. I’m thirsty.

Valerie- Yeah. (To Sabrina) Hey, you got any more of that iced-tea?

Sabrina- Nope! Gone! Gone! Gone! Gone!

She goes to the counter and asks the gaudily dressed attendant.

Sabrina- Three lemonades please.

Quizmaster- Right away.

Sabrina- Hey! You should work here, you can wear your own clothes.

Quizmaster- If I wasn’t working for the mouse I’d slap you.

Sabrina- So, how’d I do?

Quizmaster- Well you passed the survival test, now all you have to do is spend a night alone in Antarctica.

Sabrina- You’re kidding!

Quizmaster- As a matter of fact I am. It’s a week. Yeah! Yeow man! I crack myself up.

Ext. Animal Kingdom, later. Sabrina walks with her aunts.

Sabrina- So, what happened to Tootie? Did you turn him back into a bone?

Zelda- Oh we couldn’t do that to him.

Hilda- So we cleaned him up, taught him some English and found a place for him.

Meanwhile Mr. Kraft is feeling a little thirsty and goes up to a drinks stand.

Mr. Kraft- Hi, a large, fruit-punch please.

Tootie- Ice?

Mr. Kraft- Yeah, sure.

Tootie- No ice.

Mr. Kraft- Do I know you?

Tootie has to think about that one but decides not to bother.

Tootie- Ice?

Later Tootie’s a good listener and Mr. Kraft has found a rapport with him.

Mr. Kraft- I don’t know how long you’ve known Hilda but er does she seem at all strange to you? Like with weird things she can’t...

Tootie- (Interrupting) Ah! Ka-ga ha!

Run credits.

Mr. Kraft- Well yeah, Y’know I mean above and beyond certainly being a woman?

Later

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) So Sweden huh? Wow! You must be pretty proud of the way you guys did down in Nagano.

Later

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) I-I have a good dentist er we could maybe send you to. Yeah well there would be some gum surgery, no question of that.

Later

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) I’ve always liked the paintings of Edward Maulk who’s er Swedish.



Pic of the Week