Prelude To A Kiss

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. It looks like Salem is being bullied by Fluffy again. Marshal arts are the way to go. His sits on Sabrina's desk and with an...

Salem- Hi-ya!

He kicks her jewellery box onto the floor just as Sabrina enters. She takes in his headband and cut off top.

Sabrina- Let me guess, they're doing a chorus line and you're Catsy?

Salem- I, Salem, have taken up Tae-Bo. Instead of conquering the world I'm just gonna kick butt.

Sabrina- You can't learn Tae-Bo. You have no body weight or leg extension, not to mention will or courage.

Salem- Perfect, I will use that as my daily affirmation.

Sabrina- I think you're gonna need some help.

She points and Billy Blanks, an expert in the art appears in the room.

Salem- Billy Blanks!! I am your clay, mold me.

Billy makes four rapid punches, a knee chop, a high side kick, a forearm block and rests.

Sabrina- Well that doesn’t look so hard.

She stands and makes four rapid punches, a knee chop, a high side kick... sending Salem flying across the room and into the door with a loud drawn out wail.

Sabrina- Salem! Are you okay?

The dazed cat drags himself up to look back at Sabrina and Billy through the cat shaped hole in Sabrina’s bedroom door. Spits out a few wood splinters.

Salem- I love this sport!

Run opening credits

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Josh is serving at the counter as Sabrina and Dreama arrive. They stand outside the door looking in at him.

Dreama- Hey, do you still have a crush on Josh?

Sabrina- Oh please, when’s the last time I brought that up?

Dreama- Yesterday.

Sabrina- What, are you wearing a wire for the Feds?

They enter the shop and Sabrina takes her apron from the stand by the door.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, so I had a teensy crush on him but I’m over it. Harvey’s the only guy for me, plus that Josh isn’t even that nice.

Josh- Hi guys. Sabrina, here’s your cappuccino, just the way you like it and don’t worry about the dishes, I already did them.

He goes about his work with Sabrina smiling after him until she notices Dreama’s raised eyebrows.

Sabrina- See? What a creep.

Int. Spellman living room. Someone’s there but it’s hard to see who for all the dust that’s clouding the room. A figure materialises out of the gloom with a feather duster.

Zelda- Y’know, we have been so busy at the clock shop that we are really behind on our chores. Oh Styles Maiden B. Smith would be horrified.

Hilda- I can top that, I’m horrified.

Sabrina and Dreama enter through the front door.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda. Aunt Zelda, take a look at this. (To Dreama) Okay, turn the bowl into an apple.

Dreama tugs at her ear and concentrates on the bowl on the sideboard behind the settee. It expands before shrinking into a rosy, red apple. Perfect.

Hilda- Okay, the bowl was a priceless heirloom but... nice magic Dreama.

She pats the girl on her arm and picks up the apple to take a bite.

Sabrina- Wait, give it a minute.

Just before it reaches Hilda’s mouth it reverts back to being a priceless and inedible heirloom.

Sabrina- (Cont.) This keeps happening. I think it’s because she’s nervous. Remember when I used to get nervous and all I could zap in were pineapples?

Salem- (Waking from his doze) But never the ham.

Zelda- I think Dreama’s suffering from a lack of magic glue, that’s why her spells don’t stick. Hold the pull an extra beat.

Dreama tries again. This time neatly stacking the jumble of old magazines on the coffee table. They stay stacked.

Sabrina- Oh okay! Let’s hurry, Harvey’s football game starts in fifteen minutes and the sooner I get there, the sooner I can be numb from the cold.

The girls rush out and as the door closes the coffee table reverts to it’s previous littered condition.

Hilda- Oh you know she’s really not that much of a help.

Ext. Westbridge Football Stadium. The Westbridge Scallions are in action and Sabrina sits shivering in the stands watching Harvey shivering on the bench. When the match is over he goes up to see her. She rubs her hands against the cold.

Sabrina- Hey, did you see me waving at you. Y’know in this temperature it’s hard to get any lateral movement but I got a few good up and down motions going.

Harvey- I’m sorry, I get so into the game that I don’t notice anything around me. Imagine if I was actually playing.

Sabrina- Well do you wanna go and get some coffee and warm up?

Harvey- Oh I already told Brad and the others I’d meet them at The Slicery, but since you sat through this whole game for me, I’m gonna do something I don’t wanna do for you. Let’s go get coffee.

Sabrina- You romantic you.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina and Harvey enter to the sound of strumming and singing from the small stage in the corner. Josh passes them by the door.

Josh- Hey Sabrina, that folk singer I’m always talking about is playing here tonight.

Sabrina- Bob Dylan?

She looks excitedly to the minstrel in the corner.

Josh- Let me rephrase that. That folk singer I talk about that no-ones ever heard of is playing here tonight.

Sabrina- Oh, well maybe he’ll play that song no-ones ever heard of.

Another group of customers enters.

Josh- Why do people keep coming in here? Oh yeah... the ‘open’ sign.

While Josh and Sabrina talk Harvey has got the coffee in and she joins him on the settee. They sip their coffee and listen to...

Folk Singer- (Singing) And the writing on the tune can says ‘Packed in water.
This dolphins dead.’

Harvey- And to think I almost missed this by playing foozball with my friends.

Sabrina- You could go to The Slicery if you’re not having any fun. Y’know, we don’t have to be together on every date. Ha.

Harvey- Thanks.

He puts his coffee down and gets up.

Harvey- (Cont.) Man, we have a great relationship.

And he’s gone. Not the response Sabrina was hoping for there, but she’s not alone long before Josh joins her. They listen to the folk singer finish his song.

Sabrina- I really hope he doesn’t sell-out and go electric.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem watches Zelda writing at the table. He’s still kited out in his Tae-Bo outfit complete with bandanna tied round his head.

Salem- If that’s a grocery-list, I need my blue power drink.

Zelda- Sorry, obviously we’re behind in our chores.

She makes a sweeping gesture at the dirty and littered kitchen.

Zelda- (Cont.) Just have some juice.

Salem- But my punches and kicks are powerless without that expensive blue liquid.

Hilda enters with a loaded laundry basket.

Hilda- Look what I found in the laundry.

She holds up a faded pink T-shirt with the legend ‘I ‘heart’ President Johnson’ printed on it.

Salem- That’s been in there since Linden Johnson was president?

Hilda- Andrew Johnson.

Zelda- We are behind.

Salem- You could just zap me some of that synthetically engineered beverage.

Zelda- You know what happens to witches who zap chores in the mortal realm.

Salem- They live happily ever after?

Zelda- They end up taking everything for granted and appreciating nothing.

Hilda- But don’t worry, we’re going to buckle down and handle this the way any mortal would. We’re hiring someone to do our housework for us.

Zelda- In fact I am going to send the application right now.

She takes the sheet of paper she has been writing on, folds it and pops it into the toaster... Or at least tries. The darned thing just wont go in.

Zelda- (Cont.) After we remove two years of ‘Hot-Pocket’ crumbs from the toaster!

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Things are a little quiet. Josh leans against the cash till catching up on some essential reading while Sabrina finishes up cleaning some tables. As she comes past she glances over his shoulder.

Sabrina- Ah, ‘Oliver Twist’ They don’t write them like that anymore huh?

Josh- You know ‘Oliver Twist’?

She nods.

Josh- (Cont.) That’s great! My study group just fell apart. I have this big exam, d’you think you could ask me some questions?

Sabrina- Sure... Be right back.

She goes over to her book-bag and gives it a little point before reaching inside to pull out...

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Oh, stupid pineapple! Don’t be nervous.

She tries the quell her nervousness and tries again. This time she gets a copy of Charles Dickens’ ‘Oliver Twist’

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Make me read fast and good, as if my name was Evelyn Wood.

She flicks the pages with her thumb taking in every word in a couple of seconds and whipping up a small dust storm.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay.

She wafts away the dust with a little cough and goes back to join Josh.

Sabrina- All right, name the boys who were part of Fagin’s band of rag-a-muffins?

Josh- Oh that’s easy um...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) And which one was the most Christ like figure and why?

Josh- So much for lobbing me a soft-ball to get started. Um...

Sabrina- Yeah, you know we might be here all night. Maybe we should send out for some coffee? Ha-ha.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Hilda and Zelda come up stairs picking up discarded clothing from the banister rail as they go.

Zelda- I can’t wait for our new house-keeper to get here.

Hilda- I know, I’m exhausted watching you clean so much.

The linen closet activates with a crash of thunder and the door burst open allowing three scurvy pirates to charge in with blood curdling battle cries and wielding lethal feather dusters.

Zelda- I want a word with that agency!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda have got the pirates calmed down and sat at the table. Zelda stands over them with her arms determinedly crossed.

Zelda- Let’s start with the key facts. One, we don’t want you here.

A general ohh-ahhing and muttering comes from the pirates.

Zelda- And two! The last time you were here you tried to kill us.

Nemo- But failed.

Hook- We’re on probation, we need this job to stay out of prison.

They look up at the sisters with pleading eyes and butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-their-mouths expressions.

Zelda- (To Hilda) Well they don’t smell of drink.

Hilda- Any weapons?

Nemo- (Holding up an Aysol dispenser) Only ones that kill germs on contact.

Hilda- (To Zelda) We did accidentally keep them locked up without any food or water for several decades.

Zelda- True. (To the pirates) Okay boys, you guilted us into it.

The pirates leap up with joy punching the air. But the jubilation is nipped in the bud by Hilda’s raised finger.

Hilda- But! If I am pierced by just one cutlass... You’re out of here.

The pirates continue their celebrating.

Int. Westbridge High School. Homeroom. The school bell rings and everyone packs away their books.

Sabrina- Well it’s Thursday, ready to go wonder aimlessly round the mall like we always do?

Harvey- I can’t, some of the guys are going to kidnap Eastbridge’s mascot. They need me along.

Sabrina- Why? How many people does it take to steal a turtle?

Harvey- A heavily guarded turtle.

Harvey heads off and Sabrina joins Dreama looking upset.

Dreama- Are you okay?

Sabrina- Oh totally! Y’know that’s just the kind of relationship Harvey and I have. He does what he wants to do, I do what I wanna do and we both so mature that we don’t even care that we’re not seeing each other.

She walks off looking even more upset.

Ext. Spellman front porch. Zelda and Hilda return home.

Zelda- I hope the pirates are having a good day.

Hilda- Or at least a bloodless one.

Zelda reaches for the door but it’s opened by Hook.

Int. Spellman living room. The place is looking a lot tidier.

Hook- Welcome to your home.

The sisters inspect the house.

Zelda- Everything looks okay. The clutters gone, the rugs vacuumed, nice job boys.

Hilda takes a look in the closet and half a dozed tied up people tumble out.

Hilda- With one tiny exception.

A Mailman, newspaper-boy, Avon lady, a flower delivery man and... Ed McMahon with a large cheque for ten thousand dollars made out to the Spellman’s

Zelda- Who are these people?

Blackbeard- Scurvy naves what come to pillage.

Nemo- Anyone who rang the doorbell.

Ed McMahon- Hi, I’m Ed McMahon. Could somebody untie me?

Hilda- Oh. Oh of course, here.

She unties him.

Ed McMahon- Already a winner. Yeah right!

He tears the cardboard cheque in two and leaves followed by the rest of the captives.

Blackbeard- Bye-bye.

Hook- Thank you for coming.

Nemo- Don’t forget to write.

Hook- Watch the step there please.

Zelda- I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

She closes the front door and turns on the pirates.

Hook- Good first day hey?

Zelda- How should I put this... Ney!

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina arrives and puts her apron on. Josh shuffles up to her on his knees.

Josh- Oh thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sabrina- For not pointing out that you’ve shrunk?

He gets to his feet.

Josh- Thanks to your exquisite quizzing I aced the ‘Oliver Twist’ exam.

Sabrina- Well i-it was fresh on my mind.

Josh- Have you read ‘Great Expectations’?

Sabrina- Okay. I mean sure, er yeah, I can give you some exquisite quizzing on that.

He drops to his knees once more.

Josh- Thank you!

Int. Spellman kitchen. The procession enters from the living room with Blackbeard leading the way pleading.

Blackbeard- Lady! Lady! Please don’t fire us!

Hook- They’ll chain us in a dungeon for a hundred years!

Nemo- Look, my allergy’s'll go crazy!

Hilda- Perhaps you don’t understand, you did a very poor job!

Zelda- (To Hilda) What were we thinking? They’re wild maniacs, no-one can train them to keep house.

Hilda- We need someone with an iron fist. We need... Norman Schwartscopf. Oh, we need George Paton. Huh, we need...

Int. Spellman living room. Later. The pirates sit around the settee with their dried-flower arrangements.

Blackbeard- Excuse me, but B. Smith...

B. Smith- (Interrupting) We can’t talk... and make centre-pieces at the same time. Later I’ll show you how to rejuvenate the edges on your daggers.

General ‘ooo arr’s’ of approval from the pirates at that suggestion.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Dreama enters with the results of her latest magic.

Dreama- Hey Sabrina. I...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Nice banana.

Dreama- I can turn it into a watch... for about ten seconds.

Sabrina- Oh, so your magic glue still isn’t sticking? Well on the plus side... no pineapples.

Josh comes over.

Josh- Oh, er I checked my schedule, I’m not working Friday. Do you think you could help me study then?

Sabrina- Oh well you’ll have to ask my slave-driving boss if he can give me the night off.

Josh- I’ll have a word with him.

Sabrina- Okay... but be careful because, y’know, he gets kinda violent when he’s been drinking.

Josh walks off to the counter laughing.

Dreama- You can’t study with him Friday night, aren’t you going to Harvey’s game?

Sabrina- I forgot! Harvey wont care, I mean he hardly even notices when I’m there. He wont mind if I miss just one.

With exquisite timing Harvey enters looking excited and carrying a cardboard box. He makes a bee line to Sabrina.

Harvey- Sabrina, say hello to Harry.

He pulls a large tortoise out of the box.

Harvey- (Cont.) We’ve fixed him up with a heat-rock in my garage and you should see this guy eat peas.

Sabrina- You do know you have to give him back after the game, right?

Harvey- I know. Here, look what I got ya.

He hands her a green T-shirt. She holds it up to her chest showing off the yellow lettering saying ‘Beat Eastbridge’

Sabrina- Oh this’ll go perfectly with my ‘Beat Eastbridge’ skirt.

Harvey- This is gonna be the best game ever. Come on Harry, it’s time for your walk.

He leaves with his new friend.

Sabrina- (To Dreama) So maybe this game does mean something to Harvey. I’ll just talk with Josh.

Josh- Wow Sabrina! I just checked my syllabus, this test counts for half my grade. You’re my life saver. I’ll see you Friday.

Sabrina- (To Dreama) ...Do things ever work out well for you?

Int. Spellman living room. Salem is practising his Tae-Bo. With a ‘Hii-ya!’ he slashes the petals off a house-plant with just a single swipe of his tail. This cat is lethal. Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Help!

Salem- Perhaps I can be of assistance. Perhaps I can guide you through the philosophy of Tae-Bo.

Sabrina- I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Harvey’s expecting me to be at his game but I already told Josh I’d help him study.

Salem- I see, and in this scenario, who do you need to kick-box?

Sabrina- Forget it. What am I gonna do? I mean my whole world is crashing down around me and I can’t think of anything else but... <sniff!> Do I smell fudge?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina sits at the table with three aproned pirates and eats fudge with her fingers.

Sabrina- ...So I don’t wanna disappoint Josh but I don’t wanna disappoint Harvey either.

Hook- What do you want to do?

Blackbeard- Oh yes, very good, yeah.

Sabrina- Well, I’ve been to every game Westbridge has ever had but... I’ve never been inside a college library.

Blackbeard- Then help Josh.

Hook- A-ha.

Nemo- But... which boy needs you more?

Sabrina- Well, Josh could study without me...

Blackbeard- Harvey!

Hook- Harvey it is.

Sabrina- But Harvey definitely could play without me.

Nemo- Josh.

Hook- Josh yes.

Sabrina- But if I go to the game Josh would just be inconvenienced, Harvey might be hurt.

A tricky one. The pirates give it a lot of thought.

Hook- Harvey.

Blackbeard- Harvey.

Nemo- Josh.

Sabrina- Okay, it’s decided. I’ll tell Josh tomorrow, I can’t study.

Hook- Look, as long as we’re sharing. I was wondering if everyone could help me with a personal problem I’ve been struggling with?

Sabrina places her hand tenderly on his.

Sabrina- Sure, what is it?

Hook- I’ve got full-blown scurvy.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina puts her apron on to start work and confront Josh. She practices what she’s going to say.

Sabrina- (To herself) I’m really sorry Josh but... No, too high school. Juer sue te du sole monsure Josh... No, to French.

Josh- Hey Sabrina, I reserved a special carol at the library tonight. I promise there will be all the water-cooler water you can drink and... I plan to bring gum.

Sabrina- Listen Josh...

Josh- (Interrupting) No, okay, okay serious time here. I’m here on a scholarship and if I don’t keep my grades up, it’s gone, so I guess what I’m trying to say is.. Are you sure you don’t mind?

Sabrina- Please, like I have anywhere else to be.

How could she have refused him? He goes off about his work with a smile as Harvey practically bounces into the shop and over to Sabrina.

Harvey- Sabrina! Guess what? Strep-throat is running wild through the football team.

Sabrina- Oh boy!

Harvey- So many of the guys are sick, there’s a very real possibility that I might get to play.

Sabrina- Tonight!? Listen Harvey...

Harvey- (Interrupting) How lucky is that!? I might actually get into a game before I graduate and my best girl’ll get to see it.

Sabrina- Yeah, how lucky is that?

Harvey- I’ve gotta go see how many of the cultures came back positive.

He runs off excited leaving Sabrina in a miserable quandary and a stiff, helpless smile on her lips as Josh passes.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Help!

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Dreama sits listening closely to Sabrina.

Sabrina- Okay, so we have a plan. If Harvey gets in the game, you’ll witch-page me and I’ll zap back from studying with Josh. Any questions?

Dreama- Yes, what’s a witch-pager?

Sabrina takes a small device from her pocket and shows it to Dreama.

Sabrina- This. All you have to do is think Sabrina, pull on your ear and it will let me know you want me.

She shoves it back into the pocket of her jeans.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Try it.

Dreama concentrates and gives her earlobe a tug. Sabrina wriggles and burst into a fit of giggles.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Good, but don’t use it frivolously because I’m very ticklish and it’s on vibrate. Any other questions?

Dreama- Yes, what’s football?

Ext. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina and Josh approach the front door. They are both bundled up against the cold night air.

Josh- I can’t believe the library’s closed for painting. I’m sorry, certain places should always be open, like hospitals... and Denny’s.

He unlocks the shop door.

Sabrina- Well at least we can study in here. It’s warm and... it’s warm.

She pushes past to get in the warm as soon as the door opens pulling him in behind her.

Int. Spellman living room. Hook opens the door to allow Zelda and Hilda inside. The other pirates stand ready to be of service. Subdued violin music plays in the background.

Zelda- Ooo it smells wonderful in here.

Hook takes her coat.

Hilda- Yes, like steak or prime rib or... we aren’t missing a mail-man are we?

The pirates laugh.

Nemo- We’ve been slaving over a hot oven all day.

Hook- We assumed you’d want your meat cooked.

He escorts Zelda towards the dinning room while Blackbeard sprinkles petals before their feet. Nemo takes Hilda’s arm in the small procession.

Zelda- You assumed correctly.

Hook- (Aside to Nemo) Told you.

Nemo- Yes.

Int. Spellman dinning room. Blackbeard slides the doors wide and waves the mistresses of the house through to see the beautifully displayed culinary delights that await them.

Zelda- Oh my!

Nemo holds the chair for Hilda while Blackbeard does the honours for Zelda.

Hook- For tonight dinner we will start off with a hard-tack salad with barrel ale dressing, followed by braised seagull, with the head. After that...

Hilda- (Interrupting) I’m sorry, I don’t know the politically correct words to say this but um... do you have anything that’s a little less... pirate-y?

Hook- For dessert we’ve a lovely cream-brulle?

Zelda- That sounds wonderful, is it home-made?

Nemo- I don’t know, I’ll go untie your neighbour and ask.

Hilda- (To Zelda) Remember, baby-steps.

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. The big game is underway against Eastbridge. Dreama sits in the bleachers watching Harvey on the bench who is totally engrossed in the game. She taps the boy beside her on the shoulder.

Dreama- Excuse me, if a persons sitting on the bench down there, he’s not in the game right?

The boy looks at her and slides away along the seat. She turns to the guy on her other side.

Dreama- (Cont.) Excuse me.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. The study-buddies sit together with books littering the table between them.

Sabrina- I’d say we’re done here.

Josh- Oh yes, now is there anything else I should know about ‘Great Expectations’?

Sabrina- Only that I have them and am consequently always disappointed.

Josh laughs as they hear a taping at the window. A group of Josh’s college friends wave.

Josh- Oh, hey look who’s here. Come on in. Come on.

He gets up to let the half dozen people in to the nice warm shop.

Josh- Hey, er everyone, this is Sabrina. Sabrina this is... everyone.

Sabrina- Good, I’ve always wanted to meet everyone.

Josh- So where are you guys headed?

Theresa- We’re going back to the apartment for Chinese food but... we could stop and share.

Josh- (To Sabrina) Well I know it’s kinda late but would you like...?

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Food!

They settle themselves in the settees and start dishing out cartons of noodles.

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Dreama keeps herself warm by leaping about with her arms raised victoriously and shouting for joy. This would have been better if anyone else in the stands was doing the same. They just sit and look at the weird girl.

Dreama- I’m sorry, I thought we did something good.

She sits back down and the space around her grows another few feet.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. A Chinese dinner party is underway with cartons and coffee cups covering the table. Sabrina sits on the arm of the settee wrestling noodles from a box with a plastic fork.

Sabrina- This is so fun. At home we have to eat Chinese food off of dishes.

Josh- If you like this, you’d love my door-mack and cheese. I pour water into the box, shake and eat.

Theresa- Or plateless tuna salad. A bite of tuna, lick of mayonnaise, bite of bread.

Josh- Or grilled cheese made with an iron.

Sabrina- Or er pancakes grilled on a heating pad. Ha-ha.

They look at her oddly.

Sabrina- (Cont.) No I’ve never tried it either, I was just wondering if you had.

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Dreama sits huddles alone in the crowd watching Harvey watching the game. Suddenly she stands excited.

Dreama- (To herself) Alright! He’s in.

She tugs on her ear.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house.

Theresa- We have to wait to find out if he’ll ever come out of the coma.

Sabrina leaps up giggling helplessly and reaches into her pocket. She realises that her laughter is totally inappropriate and tries to disguise it as crying.

Sabrina- (Sob!) Excuse me.

She nips into the back of the shop and out the back door.

Sabrina- Go Harvey!

She points at herself and vanishes just before a concerned Josh comes out of the back door,.

Josh- Sabrina, she was talking about a soap opera.

He looks around the deserted back alley with its trash cans and skips but no Sabrina.

Josh- (Cont.) Sabrina?

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Sabrina appears un-noticed beside Dreama in the stands.

Dreama- Good, you’re here. Harvey just stood up and any minute he’ll be...

Sabrina- Done with his water?

Dreama- Sorry, I’ll be more careful.

Sabrina- That’s okay, at least no-ones had time to miss me.

She points at herself again and vanishes.

Ext. Alley behind the coffee house. Sabrina materialises in a swirl of sparkles and sees Josh looking around for her. She quickly duck behind a couple of trash cans but the noise she makes causes Josh to turn.

Josh- Sabrina? Lose something?

Sabrina- No but I found something.

A discrete point and she rises holding...

Josh- A pineapple?

Sabrina- A perfectly good pineapple. Y’know people throw away the darndest things. (Under her breath) Stupid nerves.

Int. Spellman dining room.

Zelda- Mmmm, that was delicious. I don’t know how to thank you.

Nemo- You can start by taking your elbows off the table.

Blackbeard- (Aside to Nemo) Quite rude.

Hilda- (raising a wide stemmed glass) I’ll drink to that.

Blackbeard- NO!

Hook- That’s your finger bowl.

Zelda- I could have told you that Hilda.

Hook- And could you please not speak with your mouth full?

Zelda swallows and Hilda hands over the finger bowl.

Hilda- This’ll wash it down.

Nemo- (Aside to his colleagues) Baby-steps.

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Dreama rubs her hands against the cold watching Harvey’s every move.

Dreama- (To herself) Getting up... walking... Ha, on the field!

She tugs at her ear.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. The college girl fires questions at Josh.

Theresa- When did Dickens die?

Josh- In eighteen seventy of a stroke.

Sabrina leaps up from her seat beside him laughing and wriggling as though being tickled. She thrusts her hand into her pocket and turns off the devilish pager. Then notices that everyone is looking at her.

Sabrina- I think Dickens would have us laugh in the face of death, anyone with me?

She gets no response other than questioning looks.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Bathroom.

She hurries off.

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Sabrina appears beside Dreama.

Dreama- All right, this is it. He’s on the field.

Sabrina- He’s chasing his gum wrapper. He got it. Bye.

She zaps herself out of there.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina returns from the bathroom with something behind her back.

Sabrina- Phew! I would o’ been here sooner but this was clogging up the sink.

Josh- Another pineapple?

Sabrina- Yeah, maybe they’re on sale someplace.

She hands the fruit to Josh and sits down... or would have if the pager hadn’t set her off into another fit of helpless giggles again. She quickly turns it off.

Sabrina- (Laughing) On sale, that’s a good one. I’ll be right back, anyone need anything from the bathroom?

She leaves and everyone looks at Josh with raised eyebrows and bemused smiles.

Josh- (Defensively) I like her!

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Sabrina arrives.

Dreama- I’m sorry! I thought for sure that he was...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) That’s it, I’m turning this thing off. There’s only two minutes left in the game, Harvey wont be playing... and if I leave for the bathroom one more time, I go from being ‘quirky’ to ‘sad’

Zap. She’s gone.

Announcer- And half-back, Jonathan Shapiro, is out of the game. Taking his place will be Harvey Kinkle.

Dreama- Yeeees!

She leaps up elated but then realises that she can’t call Sabrina anymore.

Dreama- (Cont.) Booooo!

On the bench number eight-three, Harvey Kinkle, gets up a looks up into the bleachers trying to spot Sabrina. He can’t.

Harvey- Sabrina?

He pulls on his helmet and runs onto the field.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina comes out of the bathroom just as Josh’s friends are leaving. Josh is waiting for her with his jacket on.

Josh- No fruit?

Sabrina- I was in the bathroom, why would I have fruit?

Josh- You’ve obviously had too much mugu. Come on, I’m walking you home.

He hands her her coat and they leave.

Ext. Westbridge High School football stadium. Dreama sits alone watching the final moments of the Westbridge, Eastbridge clash.

Announcer- There’s the long pass and... Kinkle catches!

The crowd leap up cheering.

Announcer- (Cont.) Kinkle’s streaking for the end-zone and Harvey Kinkle saves the day! Oh, he has turned this from a humiliating loss to a... slightly less humiliating loss.

On the field Harvey receives slaps on his back from his team-mates and again looks up trying to Spot Sabrina. Dreama thinks for a moment then gives her ear a tug. She transforms herself from a well wrapped-up coloured girl into a well wrapped-up petite, blonde girl and waves down at Harvey.

Harvey- (To his team-mates) I’ve gotta get to my girl!

Dreama- (Under her breath) Please let this work.

Harvey climbs over the barrier and starts up towards Dreama/Sabrina when someone calls his name from the ground.

Team-mate- Hey Harvey!

He turns and fails to see Dreama turn back into Dreama as her magical glue fails once more to stick.

Dreama- U-oh! No glue!

Harvey- Where did Sabrina go?

Dreama- She had to go home! She’s... sick! Yeah.

Harvey- It must have come on fast.

Dreama- Yes.

Harvey- I’d better go see if she’s okay.

He turns and dashes off.

Dreama- N...

She tugs frantically, but futilely at her ear.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda, Hilda and Salem enjoy an after dinner beverage from pewter ale tankards.

Zelda- This coffee is wonderful.

Salem- A-men!

Hilda- Oh and the decorative doily enhances it so.

Hook- Presentation. Presentation. Presentation.

Zelda- Gentlemen, we have good news. You’re permanently hired.

The pirates look at one another but don’t seem overjoyed.

Hilda- So that means no prison! Yo-ho-ho!

Nemo- (Removing his eye patch) Listen, we’ve talked it over and we’ve decided that with all of our skills we need to work for people who have taste and breeding.

Blackbeard- Someone... classy.

Hilda and Zelda’s mouths drop open in shock.

Nemo- Yeah, so thanks, but no thanks.

The three cut-throats head for the stairs and the closet.

Hook- No please, don’t get up. Not that you would. We’ll show ourselves out.

They leave.

Zelda- Well I don’t think I’ve ever been fired by an employee before.

Hilda- I’ll never trust a man wearing a bandanna again.

Salem- But it is good coffee!

He dips his little black snout back into the tankard.

Ext. Spellman front porch. Sabrina and Josh arrive.

Josh- A goat?

Sabrina- Yeah, if everyone would just buy a goat we can eliminate leaf-blowers and help stop global warming.

They arrive at Sabrina’s front door.

Josh- Yeah, thanks for helping me study.

Sabrina- You’re welcome, and maybe someday you can admit I’m right about the goat thing.

Josh laughs, leans forward and gives Sabrina a kiss on her cheek. He moves away slightly and Sabrina turns her head a fraction. There breath meets only a moment before their lips do. Sabrina closes her eyes savouring the sensation of the moment.

Harvey- You don’t look sick to me.

They break the kiss and turn to see Harvey standing there looking heart-sick. He turns and runs off.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Harvey wait!

He doesn’t.

Int. A fine stately home. The three pirates stand in the plush apartments.

Run credits

Hook- I’m sorry but we have never seen such a poorly managed household.

Nemo- Lord knows we’ve tried but I don’t think there’s any help for you people.

Blackbeard- No. No.

Hook- Never have we encountered a family with such a stunning lack of decorum. Dogs runnin’ wild, your children, quite unruly.

Nemo- Then I wont even touch the subject of your teeth.

Hook- No.

Blackbeard- We quit. (To his colleagues) Gentlemen.

A flick of his head and they troop out of Buckingham Palace past the motionless guardsmen.

The Queen- I don’t believe I’ve ever been fired by an employee before.