Salem's Daughter

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The linen closet door bell rings. Sabrina comes from her bedroom to answer it. It’s the Other Realm newspaper boy... or paper-man. He’s a rotund twenty-five year old wearing a back-to-front baseball cap and a push-bike. He hands Sabrina the paper.

Newspaper Boy- There’s your Other Realm Gazette and I need to collect.

He holds out his hand.

Sabrina- You’re the newspaper boy?

Newspaper Boy- My mother took a lot of phallic acid when I was in uteri

Sabrina- My aunts aren’t home and I don’t have any money, so...

Newspaper Boy- Good old Mikey gets stiffed!

Sabrina- Can you come back tomorrow?

Newspaper Boy- Oh sure, come back tomorrow. Oh I don’t get paid till Friday! Everybody’s got an excuse! Y’know I give excellent service but...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Excellent service? Last Tuesday’s paper was from nineteen forty-eight and Monday’s paper was wrapped around a fish!

Newspaper Boy- I’ve been sick.

Sabrina- Well when we get our replacement papers, you’ll get paid.

Newspaper Boy- Fine!

He backs his bike into the closet. Sabrina closes the door pleased with herself. The closet activates and the door bell rings again. Sabrina opens it to be enveloped in a bright beam of light followed by an avalanche of rolled up newspapers. She’s completely buried up to her neck in old news.

Sabrina- (Looking at the top-most paper) Huh well, it looks like it’s gonna be sunny tomorrow.

Run opening credits

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina comes down with the paper. Her aunts have apperantly returned because they’re sat at the table. Either that or she was telling fibs.

Sabrina- Hey, listen to this wedding announcement. (Reading) ‘Laird Prescott to marry Annabelle Saberhagen’ Is she any relation to you?

Salem- Me? Why no! Of course not but... (Sob! Sob! Sob!) She’s my daughter. (Sob!)

Sabrina- Daughter?! You have a daughter?

Salem- (Sob! Sob! Sob!)

He jumps down from the counter and runs up the stairs.

Sabrina- (To her aunts) Salem has a daughter?!

Hilda- He’s five hundred years old, he didn’t spend all that time watching television.

Zelda- Annabelle hasn’t been in touch with him for decades. It’s caused him many sleepless nights, which is why he sleeps all day.

Hilda- It’s their family, their rift, we leave it alone, and that’s coming from me! A real busy-body.

Sabrina- Salem has a daughter?!

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She’s working at her desk and Salem is on her chair being unusually quite. But she can’t get the thought out of her head.

Sabrina- I know it’s personal and I don’t wanna pry so I won’t ask any questions.

Salem- Thank you... Annabelle blames me for being away so much when she was growing up!

Sabrina- Is that because you were away so much when she was growing up?

Salem- Yeah, but collapsing governments isn’t something you can do from home.

Sabrina- Y’know, I’m finding it hard to be impartial here but... there’s so little you’ve done right. Why didn’t you ever call?

Salem- I felt too guilty to call, and then when I was found guilty, I really felt too guilty to call, but I still love my little pumpkin (Sob! Sob! Sob!)

Sabrina- Is there anything I can do to help?

Salem- Just spit-balling, but...

Int. Annabelle’s living room. The Other Realm. Sabrina sits with Annabelle on the settee. Annabelle has a mass of blonde curls, is ever so slightly overweight but fortunately has her mothers looks.

Annabelle- So let me get this straight. My father is your house-pet?

Sabrina- A very contrite house-pet and-and he loves you very much and he desperately wants to share your wedding with you.

Annabelle- (Sob! Sob! Sob! Sob!) (Sob! Sob! Sob! Sob!)

Sabrina- You’ve certainly got your fathers cry.

Annabelle- I always wanted him to be in my wedding, I just wanted him to ask.

Sabrina- Well I’m asking for him.

Annabelle- Close enough. (Sob! Sob! Sob!) Oh I’m sorry, I’m just so overwhelmed. There’s so much to planning a wedding.

Sabrina- I could help. I-I could fold napkins or handle the guest book, park cars?

Annabelle- Would you be my maid of honour?

Sabrina- Oh! As if we know each other?

Annabelle- Who better to share my special day other than the person responsible for mending the rift between my daddy and me?

Sabrina- Other than a sister or a college room mate or a life-long friend, I can’t think of anyone.

Annabelle- Oh (Sob! Sob! Sob!) Thank you.

She hugs Sabrina tight.

Annabelle- (Cont.) (Sob! Sob!)

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock. Workroom Zelda enters to find Hilda with a basket full of French rolls.

Zelda- Hey.

Hilda- Guess what this is?

Zelda- You have a shop full of unhappy customers.

Hilda- No, it’s bread. It’s from that bakery we both loved so much back in the seventeenth century. Have a bite.

Zelda takes a bite

Zelda- (Chewing) Mmm. Mmmm! Where did you get this? I thought we cleaned out the freezer?

Hilda- I found the instruction manual to the 'Lost In Time’ clock, and I was so bored, I actually read it. Check out all the great things this clock can do.

Zelda- Been able to make it tell time yet?

Hilda- Not yet but It can answer questions about history. Which I don’t care about but you will, and it can bring back anything you want from any year you want and it’s a salad spinner. Go ahead, play with the clock.

She hands the instruction manual to Zelda and points her at the clock.

Zelda- Well shouldn’t we be out there helping the customers?

Hilda- Oh they’ll go away, they always do. Try it!

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem’s very excited and Sabrina’s checking through her wardrobe.

Salem- I can’t believe my little girl has finally forgiven me. From here on in, whatever pumpkin wants, pumpkin gets.

Sabrina- And she wants you to perform the duties of father of the bride.

Salem- Are you nuts?! I just wanted to go and watch it from the back like Stella Dallas. I can’t do father of the bride stuff, I’m the cat!

Sabrina- You can write a cheque and walk her down the aisle.

Salem- What’ll I do on the father, daughter dance? Ride on her shoe? And I can’t... (A sudden thought) Hey, would you be my second and perform and perform any duties I’m too furry to do?

Sabrina- Maid of honour, back-up father of the bride. Fine, but I draw the line at catering.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem gives the aunts the great news.

Zelda- I’m so glad you two patched everything up.

Hilda- Me too. (To Zelda) We need dates!

Zelda- Oh good heavens yes! We can’t go unescorted to a wedding. They’ll try to fix us up with every loser in the place.

Salem- You can hook up with my uncle Morty.

Zelda- You mean uncle ‘Inappropriate behaviour’? Oh I wish I could take Willard.

Hilda- But fortunately it’s in the Other Realm, so you can’t. This looks like a job for ‘Mystery Date’

Zelda- What?

Hilda- Another feature of our little clock.

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock workroom. Zelda and Hilda stand by the clock thumbing through the instruction manual.

Hilda- All we have to do is state which qualities we want in our mystery date and then spin the hands of the clock.

Zelda- I’d like someone who is independent, adventurous and likes long walks on the beach.

She spins the hands. The clock strikes and the door opens. A large, bearded blonde man steps out. He has to duck slightly to get the horns on his helm through the clock. He looks around the clock shop bemused.

Zelda- Leif Ericson?

Hilda- You forgot to say ‘But who isn’t a Viking’

Int. Westbridge High School hallways. Sabrina struggles to shove yet another book into her already packed locker. Dreama watches her struggle.

Dreama- I don’t wanna pick but maybe it’s time for you to clean out your locker?

Sabrina carefully wedges books in and removes the text-book she’s looking for. She holds the rest in place as she closes the door.

Sabrina- They’re bridal magazines. Somehow I got roped into helping plan a wedding.

Dreama- I was talking about the old sandwiches.

They leave as Harvey and Brad come down the hallway. Harvey stops at the same locker. Brad looks at him enquiringly.

Harvey- Sabrina and I share lockers, it’s kinda like living together.

Brad- I’m all gooey inside.

Harvey opens the locker and the carefully crammed in mags tumble out onto the floor. The boys bend down and pick them up.

Brad- (Cont.) It looks like Sabrina’s planning a wedding.

Harvey- I wonder whose?

Brad knocks on Harvey’s head.

Brad- The tux fits buddy.

Harvey- That doesn’t sound like Sabrina? Going to college, I’m driving the Indie five hundred, no way she’s thinking about marriage.

He puts the magazines back and closes the locker.

Brad- That’s what my brother thought. Now he’s got three kids.

Harvey looks at the locker worried.

Int. Hickory Dickory Clock workroom. As beards go, it’s impressive. Add it to his puff sleeved velvet tunic and felt hat and he looks very studious in a restoration sort of way. Zelda leaves him with his book and goes back over to a fed-up Hilda and the clock.

Zelda- Copernicus may have realised that the earth isn’t the center of the universe but he hasn’t realised that he isn’t. I’m going to spin again.

Hilda- No! It’s my turn, you’ve already sent back sixteen guys. Go through your maybe pile again.

Her maybe pile consists of Leif Ericson and Captain Ahab.

Zelda- Well Leif is smelling better now he’s dry.

She goes over to chat him up. Hilda turns to the clock.

Hilda- I want someone who’ll take out the garbage. In other words, the outdoorsy type.

She spins the hands, The clock strikes and out steps a handsome man in a buckskin jacket and racoon hat.

Hilda- (Cont.) Davey Crocket?

Daniel- I’m Daniel Boone.

Hilda- Excuse me.

She goes over to Zelda.

Hilda- (Cont.) You’d think the real Davey Crocket would be a little less touchy.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Josh can’t help watching Sabrina as she fills a jar with chocolate fudge cakes. He’s been finding it harder and harder to concentrate on work when Sabrina’s around. Although Sabrina may not have noticed, other have.

Marnie- Josh, if you’re gonna drool over Sabrina, do it over the spill-tray.

Josh- Ha! I do not like Sabrina.

He gets back to work as Harvey and Brad enter. Sabrina spots him and waves from behind the counter.

Sabrina- (To Josh) Hey Harvey’s here. Can I take my break now?

Josh- Just finish wiping the counter. I think your love can wait that long.

Harvey clutches one of the bridal mags and looks worriedly at Brad.

Harvey- I’m just gonna go up to her and ask her about the magazines.

Brad- That’s a good idea. I think it’s about time you two had the talk.

Harvey- The talk?

Brad nods smiling. Harvey looks round to see Sabrina smiling and holding up two cups of coffee for them. Harvey smiles back.

Brad- Yeah, bring this up with Sabrina and you’re gonna have to talk to her about whether or not you wanna marry her, which you don’t!

Marnie happens to be stood behind the boys and overhears. Her mouth drops open with the beautiful wonder of gossip in the making. Sabrina brings over the coffee and Harvey hides the magazine behind his back. Once she’s headed back to the counter.

Brad- (Cont.) That’s gonna upset her. She’s gonna break up with you and then you can go to motorcross with me on Saturday night.

Harvey looks across at Sabrina who smiles back at him.

Harvey- I’ve gotta go think.

He leaves. Sabrina watches him go dejectedly.

Sabrina- (To Josh) How about I take two breaks later?

Brad who’s enjoying all this immensely saunters over to Marnie.

Brad- D’you know what’s wrong with women?

Marnie- I’m dying to know.

Brad- They keep yanking that leash until the poor dog turns round and bites

Marnie- I’ll embroider that on a pillow.

Brad wanders off while Marnie makes a bee-line for Josh.

Marnie- Do you wanna hear what I just heard?

Josh- No Marnie, you’re nothing but a gossip monger.

Marnie- It’s about Sabrina and Harvey?

Josh- I don’t care if it’s about Sabrina and... Tell me later.

They get back to work.

Int. Spellman kitchen. A very contented Salem trots down stairs for some quality time with the person he loves the most.

Salem- La-ta-ta-tee. La-ta-ta-too. Deu-to-to-deu.

He hops straight into the litter box. A paw reaches out a snags the paper, dragging it in with him.

Salem- Let’s check the fifth at Aqueduct.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The linen closet activates and out steps Annabelle.

Annabelle- (Calling) Daddy? Your daughters here!

Int. Spellman kitchen.

Salem- Oh-no! I’ve waited fifty years to see her and she picks now! Oh why did I chose today to sample the new Mexican science diet?

Int. Spellman living room. Annabelle comes down the front stairs.

Annabelle- Daddy? Where are you?

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem finishes his business quickly. kicking cat litter all over the kitchen floor in his haste.

Salem- Be... right... there!

He jumps out of the litter box and up onto the counter.

Salem- (Cont.) La-ta-ta-to-to-ta-to-too.

Annabelle enters and spots daddy straight away.

Annabelle- Oh daddy!

Salem- Pumpkin!

He jumps into her arms and wraps his paws around her neck.

Salem- (Cont.) Oh ho-ho! I missed you my precious little girl.

He licks her face in greeting.

Annabelle- Me too. Oh is that sand on your paws?

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina comes up to Josh.

Sabrina- Hey, I thought Harvey was coming back, but since he hasn’t, can I take my two breaks from today plus one from tomorrow and leave now?

Josh- Oh man! I hate word problems.

Sabrina- Here’s a hint, the answers yes.

Josh- (Laughing) Go.

She doesn’t need telling twice. She dashes for the door taking her apron off, grabs her coat and leaves. Josh heads straight over to Marnie.

Josh- Now, what exactly did you hear about Harvey and Sabrina?

Marnie- It sounded like they might be breaking up. Apparently Harvey wont be standing in the way of destiny any more.

Josh- Okay, good, because I am not letting Sabrina get away again. The next time I see her, I’m asking her out.

Sabrina arrives.

Sabrina- Oh, I forgot my back-pack!

She grabs it and is gone again.

Josh- (To Marnie) Well that didn’t count.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Some serious wedding planning is underway. Annabelle, Salem and Sabrina have their heads together. Sabrina shows them a picture in one of her magazines.

Sabrina- What do you think about this for my bouquet?

Annabelle- Bouquet?

Salem- At a wedding?

Sabrina- What am I missing here?

Salem- At an Other Realm wedding the maid of honour carries a sapling.

Sabrina- You mean a tree?

Annabelle- Just a small one and-and it’s planted in a sacred grove and every year the couple visits it on their anniversary.

Sabrina- Oh, that’s kinda sweet.

Salem- Not surprisingly, a popular wedding gift is manure.

Sabrina- Okay, but it doesn’t get any weirder than that right?

Int. The Other Realm Wedding Chapel. Sabrina is in a traditional maid of honour dress. Lime green, frilly, gold epaulets with brown cowboy boots poking out from beneath. Her headress was designed in Paris. During the revolution for Napoleon and just so no-one will mistake her for a gate-crasher, she has a purple sash with ‘Maid of Honor’ printed on it. She stands beside the father of the bride who sports a smart grey morning suit. All the other guests who file by are in the Sunday best, goin' to meeting clothes.

Sabrina- Are you sure I’m supposed to be wearing this?

Salem- I might have dyed the boots to match the dress. Yep! That’s the traditional maid of honour outfit.

Sabrina- Don’t you guys ever question these traditions?

Salem- It’s been traditional not to.

Hilda and Zelda arrive looking beautiful on the arms of their escorts. Daniel Boone and Leif Ericson, who maintain their own traditional gear.

Sabrina- Hey, it’s Davey Crocket!

Daniel- Daniel Boone!

Sabrina- Sorry.

Zelda- Good lord Sabrina! You’re the maid of honour?

Sabrina- So? Other than looking like a before picture, it doesn’t seem that hard.

Hilda- Oh that’s right, you’ve never been to an Other Realm wedding before. Well... good luck!

She pats Sabrina on the shoulder.

Usher- This way.

He leads Leif, Zelda, Daniel and Hilda into the chapel doing the rather strange conga line, The bunny hop.

Sabrina- Are they bunny hopping?

Salem- Of course, it symbolises the importance of whimsy in a lasting relationship.

Sabrina- And what do the sheep symbolise?

Salem- Nothing. Apperantly this place is close to a ranch.

The bride arrives looking beautiful in her traditional white dress, complete with bouquet and veil.

Annabelle- I’m ready.

Salem- Wow! I want to say something wise and wonderful right now... but I can’t think of anything. Except I love you (Sob!) And I hope the band know some Ohio Players. (Sob!)

Annabelle- Oh look, there’s my beloved Laird waiting for me.

He’s down at the front of the chapel. His armour creaks as he gives her a little wave.

Annabelle- (Cont.) Isn’t it amazing how all men look great in a suit of armour?

The orchestra strike the bridal march. ‘The ride of the Valkaries’

Sabrina- This is the type of music that Brian Boyd-Tanno wears the dark skates for.

Salem- It’s the Other Realm wedding march.

Annabelle- Time to start down the aisle.

She picks up Salem.

Sabrina- So where’s this sapling I’m supposed to carry?

Annabelle- Behind you.

Sabrina looks round at the tree she’s been leaning against for the last half hour. It’s twice her height and in full bloom. The pot alone weighs as much as she does.

Annabelle- (Cont.) The bigger the tree, the greater the love.

Sabrina wraps her arms around the trunk and pulls. It moves all of two inches.

Sabrina- Couldn’t you have married for money?

They commence the stately and very, very slow bridal procession.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Harvey sits at a window seat with Dreama sipping coffee.

Harvey- Thanks for letting me practice what I’m gonna say to Sabrina on you.

Dreama- No problem.

Harvey- You don’t really think she’ll start weeping and shouting ‘Dear heavens, this is gonna change everything forever’... like you did, do you?

Int. The Other Realm Wedding Chapel. The Valkaries are still riding and Sabrina is still hauling that tree down the aisle, Sweat stains her green dress and beads her forehead. She gasps for breath between every pull.

Salem- Put some shoulder in it Sabrina, you’re holding up the whole wedding.

A guest leans over and taps Daniel Boone on the shoulder.

Guest- Hey Jim. Did you bring your bowie knife?

Hilda- It’s Daniel!

At last the tree is in place. Sabrina turns round as the pastor starts the service gasping and wheezing to try and get air back into her lungs.

Pastor- The wedding ceremony is important for all of us because it includes ancient traditions...

He stops and looks down at Sabrina whose panting wheezes are drowning out his speech. She makes and effort to stop them.

Pastor- (Cont.) Ancient traditions that remind us of the sacred sanctity of marriage. Let’s blow up the balloon.

He pulls a large red balloon from his cassock and hands it to Sabrina.

Sabrina- <Gasp! pant!> You’ve gotta be kidding me? <Wheeze!>

Annabelle- (Aside to Sabrina) The maid of honour always blows up the balloon!

With a resigned sigh she lifts it to her lips and blows... the most pathetic blow there ever was. It wouldn’t knock a feather over.

Pastor- The inflated balloon symbolises...

Sabrina keeps trying but the balloon is barely expanded.

Pastor- (Cont.) Erm. The inflated balloon symbolises that a couple need...

Balloon- Thrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!

Pastor- Oh!

Zelda- (Whispering) Sabrina! You can use magic!

With eyes to the heavens she points, The balloon inflates fully.

Zelda- (Cont.) You could have used magic to bring the tree in to but I guess it’s too late to tell you that.

The Pastor takes the balloon from Sabrina.

Pastor- The inflated balloon symbolises that a couple needs to love each other with every breath.

Sabrina- <Gasp> Please tell me that’s all I have to do?

Annabelle- Pretty much.

Sabrina leans back against the tree with relief.

Pastor- And now for the most sacred moment of the wedding ceremony, the ring.

Sabrina- I don’t have it! I didn’t bring the ring!

The curtain behind the Pastor goes up to reveal a ring. A wrestling ring.

Annabelle- That’s the ring.

Pastor- The father of the bride will now wrestle the father of the groom for the right of his daughter to marry his son.

Sabrina- Okay, now the weddings just getting weird.

Salem- Don’t worry, you can take him.

Sabrina- Me?!

Salem- You’re my second and I’m protected by the humane society.

Annabelle- Oh Sabrina, please fight for me. If you don’t win, I can’t marry Laird and I just can’t imagine life without Laird. (Sob! Sob! Sob! Sob!)

Laird’s father stands up... and up and up. He’s a giant of a man with muscles on his muscles. He grasps the front of his morning suit and rips it of in one mighty swing of his arm. He flexes his biceps and slaps his six-pack stomach.

Sabrina- But you can imagine life without me?!

Int. Bean there, brewed that coffee house. Harvey's hanging around the place when Brad arrives.

Brad- What’s up Kinkle?

Harvey- As soon as Sabrina gets in, I’m going to have... the talk with her.

Brad- (Happy) Really? (Feigning sympathy) I mean, Well, good luck man.

He goes to a table grinning from ear to ear. On his way he passes Marnie.

Brad- There goes another dog who’s about to shed it’s leash.

Marnie heads straight over to Josh.

Marnie- According to my sources, the break-up is imminent... if I understand my dog analogies.

Josh- Thanks for the info. Now why don’t you get back to work?

Marnie just stands there looking at him.

Josh- (Cont.) That’s code for ‘Why don’t you get back to work?’

She finally takes the hint.

Int. The Other Realm Wedding Chapel. It’s time for the final bout of the night. The pastor is the referee and has the microphone.

Pastor- Ladies and Gentlemen! In this corner, weighing two hundred a sixty-seven pounds. The father of the groom, Xsavior ‘The Avenger’ Prescot!

He raises his muscled arms aloft as the grooms side cheer. He looks mean.

Hilda- (To Zelda) This is where wedding always get me (Sob!)

Pastor- (Cont.) And in this corner, at one-ten, Sabrina ‘Hasn’t got a nickname’ Spellman!

The brides side give her a rousing cheer that does nothing to stop her from shaking with terror. She takes off the silly hat and bends down to Salem at ringside.

Sabrina- What do I do?!

Salem- Go for his weak point.

Sabrina- Which is where?

The bell rings and The Avenger charges across the ring. Sabrina has only one advantage over him. She’s short and there isn’t as much of her for him to get hold of. She ducks beneath his outstretched arm but is hampered by having to hold her full skirt up. He comes at her again, and again she manages to duck out of his way, ending up on all fours. By the time she’s got up again he’s on her. He hoists her up onto his shoulder and body-slams her onto the canvas. Annabelle, Zelda and Hilda wince in sympathy as The Avenger climbs up onto the ropes. Sabrina looks up in horror as he prepares to launch himself.

Salem- Don’t let him pin ya or the match is over!

Sabrina thinks quick and a little molecular displacement gets her out from under him. The Avenger lands hard and shakes his head as he rises. Sabrina dives in quickly and gets a two handed nose hold on him.

Zelda- Go Sabrina! Kick him! Gouge his eyes!

Hilda- Zellie! This is a wedding!

Sabrina leads him around the ring by the nose and flips him over onto his back. She showboats to the crowd walking over her downed opponent with her arms aloft, milking the applause. This, foolishly, gives the Avenger time to recover. He picks her up and holds her high above his head, Gives her the old helicopter before tossing her clean out of the ring. Daniel catches her.

Hilda- (To Daniel) Who ever catches the wrestler gets married next.

Sabrina- That’s it! Next wedding, I’m just sending a gift.

Zelda- Sabrina, your slip is showing.

She rearranges Sabrina’s skirt before Daniel helps her back into the ring. The Avenger is waiting. He spins her round and onto the matt, straddles her back and gets her in a head-lock. Sabrina’s in big trouble.

Salem- (Under his breath) This isn’t right! I can’t just sit here and watch while poor Annabelle loses her love, not to mention Sabrina getting filleted. (To his daughter) Annabelle! I’m going in the ring!

Sabrina- I’m so glad I spent three hours doing my hair!

Something small and black leaps onto the Avengers head. He releases the head-lock on Sabrina. He grabs the little black thing and tosses it out of the ring. Once again Daniel proves he has a safe pair of hands.

Salem- Saved by Daniel Boone!

Daniel- It’s Daniel Boone!... Sorry.

He tosses Salem back in the ring. Once again Salem has a hair-hold on The Avenger. Sabrina pushes the giant into the ropes and drops down behind him. When he bounces off the ropes he trips over her landing on his back. Sabrina quickly lifts his legs up and throws all her inconsiderable weight onto them, pining him to the canvas.

Pastor- One! Two! Three!

The bell rings and Sabrina raises her arms in triumph.

Salem- (To The Avenger) Please stay down.

The Avenger- I’m glad you won. With my other son, I got beat up and I’ve got gypsies as relatives.

Later. A very exhausted, sweaty but victorious maid of honour stands beside the bride for the final part of the ceremony.

Pastor- And now for the exchanging of the ring fingers.

The bride and groom both tear off their ring fingers and stick them on the others hand. Sabrina watches in dismay.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Oh gross-gross-gross-gross-gross-gross-gross!

Pastor- You are now part of each other forever. I declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Sabrina- Finally, a tradition I’ve heard of.

Annabelle puckers up and leans expectantly towards Sabrina.

Annabelle- Aren’t ya gonna kiss me?

Sabrina hesitates before giving Annabelle a quick peck on the cheek. The guests applaud the newlyweds. There’s hardly a dry eye in the house.

Daniel- It’s beautiful (Sob!) Just beautiful (Sob! Sob! Sob!)

Hilda offers him a shoulder to cry on.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda comes in slightly breathless.

Zelda- <Sigh!> Well I’ve dropped Sabrina off at work and sent Leif back to Greenland. You did send Daniel back didn’t you?

Hilda- Hay! It’s a rule.

Zelda- What is that vile odour?

Hilda- It’s possum pie.

She shows Zelda her baking.

Hilda- (Cont.) The real stuff, not with Ritz crackers.

Zelda- Ugh, I think you might have gotten some glands in there.

She leaves.

Ext. Spellman back porch. Hilda comes out with her pie to join Daniel who’s enjoying the night air.

Daniel- Here’s my pie.

Hilda- So, we already have nicknames?

Daniel- Thank you darlin’

He gives her a kiss as she puts the pie down on the tray for him.

Hilda- Well, I have to send you back, so I’ve finally picked a date.

Daniel looks heart-broken.

Hilda- (Cont.) How about the twelfth of never?

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina, Josh and Marnie are all busy. Brad just sits with his coffee glaring across at Sabrina from under hooded eyes. Marnie goes over to him.

Marnie- What are you doing here?

Brad- After Harvey talks to Sabrina, he’s gonna need some-one around to pick up the pieces.

Marnie heads straight over to Josh.

Marnie- After Harvey talks to Sabrina, you might wanna pick up the pieces.

Josh- Check, and if all goes well, you and I will have nothing more to talk about.

Harvey arrives. He heads straight over towards Sabrina but is intercepted by Brad.

Brad- Kinkle! Good luck man.

He gives his friend a hug then sits back down with his coffee.

Harvey- Thanks.

He continues on to Sabrina.

Harvey- Hey.

Sabrina- Hey, so what’s tickin’ chickin’?... I’ll never say that again.

Harvey- Sabrina, I love you.

Sabrina- Really? Even after ‘What’s tickin’ chickin’’? Ha-ha-ha!

Harvey reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small box.

Harvey- I bought you this.

She takes it and opens it to find a beautiful ring with a small gem set in it.

Sabrina- A ring? Harvey, does this mean what I think it means?

Harvey- Probably not. You see, I don’t wanna get married. I’m not ready.

Sabrina- Good, neither am I.

She sits down on the settee in relief finally letting out the breath she’s been holding. Harvey joins her.

Harvey- You’re not?

Sabrina- Of course not. I’m still in high school, I have my whole life ahead of me, I’m not ready to have someone carry a tree down an aisle for me.

Harvey- A tree?

Sabrina- Yeah, my dad’s kinda wooden. Wait, but I’m confused. Why would you give me a ring if you don’t wanna marry me?

Harvey- It’s a promise ring. It’s to let you know that someday, a long time from now, if we haven’t grown apart or joined some strange religious cult and only if you want to of course, I hope that maybe we will get married.

Sabrina- That’s so sweet, and Harvey Kinkle, I accept your proposal to not get married.

They both lean forward and kiss, unaware that the three remaining people in the coffee house are hanging on their every move.

Josh- (To Marnie) What happened?

Marnie- (To Brad) What happened?

Brad- Who knows?

Sabrina and Harvey test how well the ring fits. They finally look up and Sabrina wants to show off her new ring.

Sabrina- Hey guys! Look what Harv...

She’s talking to an empty coffee house. Brad and Marnie have left and Josh has gone into the back of the shop.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I swear that no-one in this place even knows I’m alive.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Later. Things are busier. The shop is full and gets fuller when Hilda and Daniel enter.

Run Credits

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! I thought Dan was going back to Kentucky... of yester-year?

Hilda- Don’t tell your aunt Zelda but he’s gonna stay a while. Apparently, he wants to court me. I’m game.

Sabrina- Let me guess, you brought him down here to embarrass me?

Hilda- And the house smells like possum.

College Kid #1- Are you supposed to be Davey Crocket?

Daniel- Fine! I’m Davey Freakin’ Crocket. That’s right, all us guys in buckskin jackets look the same.

Hilda- Honey, I think it might be the ‘coon skin hat.

Daniel- They do have a point. (Calling) Remember the Alamo!

Sabrina shakes her head with embarrassment.