The Melissa Zone news :: pictures :: forums :: and more :: the ultimate Melissa Joan Hart fan site ::
Sabrina The Teenage Witch - View Transcript

Dreama, The Mouse

Written By - Charlie Tercek
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Mr. Kraft - Martin Mull
Dreama -China Shavers
Brad - Jon Huartas
Homework Elf - Steve Hofvendahl

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

 

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina help’s Dreama fine tune her spell craft.

Dreama- I’m still having trouble turning myself into other things... Sabrina?!

Sabrina’s miles away. She’s stood gazing out of the window looking at and smelling the fresh blossom on the trees. Her mind on anything but Dreama and magic. She snaps out of it.

Sabrina- Oh sorry, I was thinking about senior skip-day again. <Sigh!> A snow-day with no snow, a summer-day in the middle of spring. Oh forget the metaphors, it’s another day we don’t have to go to school!

Dreama- Well try to focus, I have to pass the test for my witches licence.

Sabrina- Right! Focus! Well um, try something simple. Turn yourself into a pomegranate. Hey maybe we should go to the mountains for senior skip-day?

She’s gone again. Her mind envisions a sunny afternoon in her room. She and Dreama, decked out in filmy, flowing gowns and flowers. Dreama pushes the swing...

Dreama- Sabrina? Sabrina!

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) What? Sorry. Gotta concentrate.

She looks across at Dreama on the bed. Long, brown hair, pointy ears and snout, four legs and a waggy tail.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Dreama?!

Dreama- Yeah?

Sabrina- I said pomegranate, not Pomeranian.

Dreama- Woof! Grrr!

Sabrina- Don’t make me get the rolled up newspaper.

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda is at the table half obscured by a piles of heavy looking books. Hilda comes in with a red sweater in her hands.

Hilda- Zellie.

Zelda- There! I’ve just finished reading everything there is to know about Other Realm medicine.

Hilda- And yet you can’t name me three of the five Marx brothers.

Zelda- I was getting bored with the other sciences. I want to heal.

Hilda- Well you can start by healing my wardrobe. Lend me your red sweater.

Zelda- No, you spill. Even with all this knowledge, I’m still gonna have to have some practical, hands on experience.

Hilda- Pleeeeease?! Do it for the sweater? I look really cute in it.

Zelda looks at Hilda and slowly a smile crosses her lips as she taps her chin with her finger.

Int. Spellman dining room. Hilda enters looking really cute in Zelda’s red sweater.

Hilda- <Gasp!> Okay, your fifteen minutes is up. Give me back my lung.

Zelda looks up from her microscope.

Zelda- Two more minutes?

Hilda- No! I need to go up some stairs.

Zelda- Fine, but you’re not being very supportive.

She points at the lung under the microscope and it’s returned to its proper place inside Hilda.

Hilda- Oh, thank you.

She breaths in and with a cough, brings up a glass slide.

Hilda- (Cont.) Uph! I take it this is your slide?

Int. Westbridge High School history class. The teacher writes about the Boer War on the chalk-board. Sabrina turns round to Harvey.

Sabrina- Okay, as intriguing as the, aptly named, Boer war is, I can’t stop thinking about senior skip-day.

Harvey- Yeah, I know. It’s gonna be great. What d’you wanna do?

Sabrina- I don’t know, maybe er go to a park. <Gasp!> Canoes, picnics....

Her mind wonders again conjuring up images of Harvey and her sat on a picnic blanket with a shady hat, lace parasol and Victorian dress while Harvey plays her banjo tunes wearing a blazer and straw boater in a history class.

Dreama- Sabrina!

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) What?!

She sees that the history teacher is standing over her waiting for an answer.

Sabrina- Er ‘What’ is the answer to whatever the question is that you asked me. Am I right?

Saved by the bell. The kids get up and start putting away their books.

Dreama- I’m really starting to worried about you.

Sabrina- I was having one of those super-vivid daydreams...

Brad- (To Harvey) It was the weirdest daydream I’ve ever had. You and Sabrina were having a picnic in the middle of class and you were wearing seersucker.

Harvey- Weird!

Sabrina- (To Dreama) Okay, brad is a witch-hunter who can turn me into a mouse and now he can see my daydreams. I’m sure it’s nothing to be concerned about... Gotta go!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda tries to get into Hilda’s head... literally, and she’s succeeding. Her hand is deep within, groping around while she studies one of her medical books.

Hilda- Aw! Aw!! And need I say it again? Aw!

Zelda- Hold still! Do you wanna borrow my necklace or don’t you?

Hilda- You obviously skipped the chapter on bedside manner.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes in from school. The familiar cry goes up.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Problem!

Later. Zelda feels Sabrina’s brow as they sit on the settee.

Zelda- You definitely feel a little warm. Let’s see, a temperature, vivid daydreams visible to a witch-hunter...

Hilda- Are you having any trouble concentrating?

Sabrina- Not really. Aren’t puppies great?

Zelda- I’ve got an idea.

She points at her brand new doctors bag before she opens it and pulls out a heavy, four feet long mallet. Sabrina watches with trepidation.

Sabrina- Oh don’t make me call child services.

Zelda just smiles and hands the mallet to Sabrina.

Zelda- Hold on.

She then points to a space beside the piano and conjures a carnival ‘Test your strength’ pole with a bell at the top.

Zelda- (Cont.) Okay, just hit the lever.

Not easy when Sabrina can barely lift the mallet. She manages to swing it over sending the weight flying up the pole to strike the bell. With a ding, the sign at the top lights up reading ‘Spring Fever’

Zelda- (Cont.) I knew it! You’ve got spring fever.

Hilda- I always wanted to work at a carnival but I’ve got too many teeth.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda consults her medical journals while Sabrina sits on a stool staring off into space.

Zelda- (Reading) ‘Spring fever occurs when a young witch is looking particularly forward to something’

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) Senior skip-day. It’s tomorrow and it’s all I can think about.

Zelda- Oh phooey!

Sabrina- What’s the matter? I’m not going to spontaneously combust am I?

Zelda- (Disappointed) No, I don’t need to treat you. (Reading) ‘Spring fever will disappear once the patient has experienced what she’s focused on’ So after you have your senior skip-day, you’ll be cured.

Hilda- But why is Brad seeing her daydreams?

Zelda- Well he’s obviously hyper-sensitive. (To Sabrina) Do not do any magic around him.

Sabrina- No problem, I’ll just go take a nap.

Hilda- Nap at school.

Hilda leads Sabrina off to the living room.

Zelda- (Calling after) Be careful Hilda! Do not let her hand touch your finger. Spring fever can be very contagious among witches.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Sabrina come through from the kitchen.

Sabrina- When exactly did aunt Zelda become a doctor?

Hilda- This morning.

Int. Westbridge High School cafeteria. Harvey and Sabrina do lunch.

Harvey- ...And that’s when I told coach, ‘I know they make your muscles bigger but don’t steroids also kill you?’

Sabrina- What does that man think... Oh! Ice-cream!

She snatches Harvey’s pudding from his hands.

Harvey- Are you okay?

Sabrina- (Tucking into Harvey’s ice-cream) I am now.

Mr. Kraft walks in.

Mr. Kraft- Attention seniors! In the past there has been a tradition called senior skip-day, where teachers look the other way while students become truants. Well not on my watch! Senior skip-day is hereby cancelled.

The cafeteria groans collectively and Sabrina slumps in her seat in dismay.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) Music to my ears.

Chuckling to himself, he leaves.

Sabrina- Oh wait-wait! Did he just say no senior skip-day?

Harvey nods sadly.

Sabrina- (Cont.) But I need senior skip-day to cure me!

She jumps up and runs out into the hallway.

Harvey- (To himself) And I need it to clean out my carburettor.

Int. School hallway. Sabrina catches up with the principle.

Sabrina- Mr. Kraft! You can’t cancel senior skip-day!

Mr. Kraft- Why? Because you and your annoyingly perky friends will be sad? That’s my intent.

Sabrina- No, because... Because...

He mind drifts away to another school hallway. Where the seventh cavalry stand at attention while Sergeant Kraft faces Captain Spellman. She tears off his sergeants stripes.

Captain Spellman- Never in my life have I seen such deplorable behaviour, or smelled such cheap cologne.

Ex-Sergeant Kraft- But...

The captain and troopers of the seventh smartly about face, showing their backs to the disgraced sergeant and Captain Spellman points for him to go.

Ex-Sergeant Kraft- No! Not the walk of shame!

The drummer beats a slow tattoo as he walks down the hallway branded. Sabrina snaps back to reality

Sabrina- I-I know I was making a point.

Mr. Kraft- Yeah and I’m sure the aliens in your dental work understood it perfectly.

He leaves mouthing ‘Wow!’

Sabrina- (To herself) I’ve gotta get skip-day back!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem is sunning himself on the table when Zelda follows Hilda down stairs.

Hilda- No! You don’t lend me your sun-glasses, I don’t lend you my small intestine.

Zelda- Oh fine! Spoil my attempts to come up with a spring fever vaccine!

Salem- Spring fever?! Horrible stuff. I had it once during an invasion and for the first time in history, the French won a war!

Zelda- Poor Sabrina has it now.

Salem- Oh-no! That means it’s in the house!

Hilda raises her finger and points at the cat. When the smoke clears he’s looking at them from the inside of a plastic bubble.

Salem- (Cont.) G’he?!

Hilda- There. You’re alone, you’re germ free and the plastic lining muffles the sound of your complaints.

Salem- I don’t care for the echo.

Int. Westbridge High School. Sabrina is trying to drum up support for the BBSSD (Bring Back Senior Skip-Day) campaign, with little success.

Sabrina- Come on seniors! If we all stick together we can help get senior skip-day back! (Her mind drifts) Back? (Singing) Bring back my Bonnie to me. To me.
Bring back. Br...

Harvey- (Interrupting) Sabrina?

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) Yeah?

Harvey- I’ve got good news. I was just talking to Joey Slotnik.

Sabrina gives him a ‘Who?’ look.

Harvey- (Cont.) The big kid who was a senior last year too.

Sabrina- The one who still enjoys ?*mabar*?

Harvey- He says that principles always come against senior skip-day, it’s for the record. Their lips say no but their arms and legs... Dar, I forget how it goes, but they really do want us to skip.

Sabrina- Thank you! This means I can be cured. (Drifting) Hey, look at the ceiling tiles. Don’t they make neat patterns?

She wonders off gazing up at the ceiling.

Harvey- (Watching her go) She does enjoy her life.

Int. The plastic bubble on the kitchen table.

Salem- (Writing) ‘Dear diary, as I complete hour one of my new life in a bubble, I realise it’s the little things I miss most. Dandelions, sunsets, the smell of bacon in the morning’ Hmm, speaking of bacon, I wonder if I could get one of George Foreman’s mean lean grilling machines in here.

Int. Westbridge High School cafeteria, which is being used as a study hall. Dreama comes running in to find Sabrina.

Dreama- Have you finished your part of our history project? We need to put them together.

Sabrina- I’m trying but I’m having trouble concentrating.

Her mind drifts away as she talks. A man with Mr. Spock ears, yellow mitre-board hat and bright orange tunic to go with his yellow hose comes up to her.

Homework Elf- Greetings and salutations Sabrina, I’m the homework elf. You can play to your hearts content and when you come back, I’ll have done your project for you, and I’ll have cobbled you some new shoes.

Sabrina- Italian leather?

Dreama- Sabrina? Sabrina!

She snaps out of it.

Dreama- (Cont.) You’re getting worse. Our project is due this afternoon.

Sabrina- You could use a little spring fever.

She reaches across and touches Dreama’s ear lobe.

Dreama- What was I saying?

Sabrina- That you’ll be quiet, just until senior skip-day.

Mr. Kraft enters.

Mr. Kraft- All right, attention seniors! Just in case any of you thought I was bluffing, I will make sure that any senior missing from school on senior skip-day will spend the next four years celebrating college skip-day.

He leaves and Sabrina slumps down in her seat once more.

Sabrina- Oh-no! No senior skip-day and I just gave Dreama spring fever!

Dreama- I’m turning Mr. Kraft into a toad.

She reaches for her ear but Sabrina grabs her arm to stop her.

Sabrina- No, you can’t do magic here!

Dreama- Why not? We’re in the Other Realm right?

Sabrina- Okay, you’ve passed daydreams and gone directly to delusional. Oh and now there’s no senior skip-day to save you. Okay listen, stay here, don’t do magic. I gotta go call my aunt.

She leaves checking as she goes that Dreama is still where she left her.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda answers the phone.

Hilda- Hello? Hello? Er you’re going to have to speak up.

Zelda enters with something in a dish.

Hilda- Zelda, is that my ear?

Zelda- I’m almost done with it, I’ll bring it right back.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina’s on the pay-phone as Mr. Kraft approaches.

Sabrina- CAN YOU HEAR ME KNOW?

Mr. Kraft- Miss Spellman! The strange, mole like creatures who live in the centre of the earth can hear you!

He walks on.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda has taken over on the phone while Hilda refits her ear.

Hilda- The next time you take someone’s appendage, ask!

Sabrina- (Over the phone) HELLO? AUNT ZELDA!

Zelda takes the phone quickly from her ear deafened.

Sabrina- (Cont.) CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Zelda- Oh! Don’t scream dear... I’ll be right there.

She puts the phone down. Hilda still fiddles with her ear.

Hilda- Oh cool, you pierced it.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina hangs up the phone.

Sabrina- Finally, I can relax.

She leans back against the wall and spots Dreama wondering away.

Sabrina- (Cont.)<Gasp!> Dreama?!

She dashes after her.

Later. Zelda’s arrived and she sits the two spring fever sufferers on the bench seat by the school entrance.

Zelda- (To Sabrina) You stay here and keep an eye on Dreama, I’ll go get skip-day back.

She stalks off to find Mr. Kraft.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Thanks aunt Zelda! (To Dreama) Okay, now I’m gonna keep my eye on you.

As she points at the dreaming Dreama she notices her finger and is distracted.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey look how weird my knuckles are.

Int. Principle Kraft’s office.

Brad- But Mr. Kraft!

Mr. Kraft- You know the more people try to persuade me to be lenient about senior skip-day, the madder I get!

Brad- But...

Mr. Kraft- (Interrupting) I am very passionate about this issue and I will not relent!

By the time he’s finished the sentence, Brad has fled the office. Zelda enters.

Zelda- Willard, let the kids have their skip-day.

Mr. Kraft- Okay.

Int. School hallway.

Sabrina’s mind is having a skip-day all of it’s own. It skips merrily from one wonderful thing to another.

Sabrina- And why do these walls feel so cool?

Mr. Kraft- (Over PA) Attention seniors. Skip-day is back on.

Sabrina- (Looking across at Dreama) Aunt Zelda did it!

Only Dreama isn’t there.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Wasn’t there someone sitting here a second ago? Dreama!

She leaps up to look for her. Meanwhile dreams is wondering the hallways in a dream.

Dreama- (To herself) I’m thirsty.

She can’t be bothered going to the nearest water fountain so with a tug on her ear brings the nearest water fountain to her as Brad comes round the corner.

Brad- Was that water fountain always there?

Dreama just looks at him dreamily.

Brad- (Cont.) You’re a freak girl. I swear Dreama, sometimes I think you’re a witch.

He walks off as Sabrina hurries up having overheard the last part of Brad’s comments.

Sabrina- Oh-no! A witch-hunter said the words ‘You’re a witch’?

She looks at Dreama who still stands dreaming by the water fountain.

Sabrina- (Cont.) And you haven’t turned into a mouse! Finally, things are going well.

Dreama promptly shrinks into a tiny brown and white mouse. Sabrina stamps her foot.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Yep! Straight to well in a handbag!

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina dashes in with Dreama, the mouse, in her hands.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! (To Dreama) Hope I’m not bending any whiskers am I?

Zelda- What dear?

Sabrina- Brad turned Dreama into a mouse and it’s all my fault.

Hilda- (To Zelda) And I thought you making me allergic to oxygen was bad.

Zelda- Oh let it go! I made you an antihistamine.

Sabrina- Will you two focus! Hey, maybe we should paint this room pink?

Zelda- You know, I think I might be able to help.

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) Really? And by help, you don’t mean buy her a cage do you?

Zelda- No, you see I’ve been forming a theory about witch-hunting genes based on my medical books. If we can remove Brad’s gene, we can brake the spell and turn Dreama back.

Hilda- Bare in mind, Zelda’s been practising medicine for an entire day.

Zelda- But there’s a catch. You see the gene can only be extracted during the hour right after a witch-hunter has turned someone into a mouse. So we don’t have much time.

She points, creating a giant oven timer showing fifty minutes remaining.

Zelda- (Cont.) See?

Hilda- Either that or our cookies are almost done.

Zelda- I suggest you get Brad over here... Now!

Sabrina- Oh good, I get all the easy stuff.

She puts the little mouse down on the coffee table and leaves.

Zelda- Don’t worry Dreama, we’re going to help you.

Hilda- I’m filled with compassion for her situation... but let’s get this filthy vermin out of here!

She points at Dreama, who promptly vanishes.

Int. Spellman kitchen. The cat in the bubble is dozing when a puff of smoke startles him awake. He sees another person in a plastic container beside him on the table.

Salem- Zzzzzzzz! Huh! What’s this? A mouse? Let’s see? I can leave the bubble, risk contamination and have a mouse to play with, or I can stay in the bubble, be healthy and... Too complicated! Zzzzzzzzz!

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Sabrina comes in breathless and finds Brad chatting up a college girl. She taps him on the shoulder.

Sabrina- Hi Brad, wanna come over to my house?

Brad- Why?

Sabrina- Why? Why not? (Something captures her attention) <Gasp!> Aren’t mushrooms gross?

Brad- You’re weird.

He makes his way towards the door but Sabrina snaps out of her musings about mushrooms and grabs his arm.

Sabrina- Yeah! You’re right, I am weird and er you should come and see my weird house.

Brad- Leave me alone woman!

He snatches his arm away and leaves passing Harvey on his way.

Sabrina- Harvey! I need your help.

Harvey- Sure, what is it?

Sabrina- I need-I... You are really cute.

Harvey- What? You need to compliment me?

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) No! I need you to help me get Brad over to my house. Please don’t ask any questions. If you love me you’ll get him there and-and then I’ll explain it all later.

Harvey- Okay.

Sabrina- Thanks Harvey Kinkle, you’re a lifesaver... literally. Ooo! A lifesaver, that’d be really good right now.

She runs from the coffee house. Harvey watches her go.

Harvey- (Under his breath) Women?

Int. Spellman dining room. Sabrina paces as the oven clock ticks down. Fourteen minutes to go. Zelda double checks her medical books. Hilda yawns.

Zelda- Okay, I’ve checked everything over and even though my plan is extremely complicated and difficult, I really think it’ll work! Hilda, have you boiled the water?

Hilda- <Yawn!> I’m so tired. Do you have an antidote for your antihistamine?

Zelda runs to the kitchen to check on the water, Sabrina worries, Hilda yawns.

Sabrina- Where are Harvey and Brad? Oh, what’s the difference between coolots and goucho’s?

The front door bell rings, snapping Sabrina back to the urgent stuff.

Sabrina- (Cont.) They’re here!

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina opens the front door to Harvey and Brad.

Harvey- Hey Sabrina, um Brad’s here to see your big-screen TV with the sports only channels.

Brad- Where is this baby?

Sabrina- It’s right this way.

She ushers Brad into the living room.

Sabrina- (To Harvey) I’ll explain later. Love ya, bye!

She shuts the door in Harvey’s face.

Ext. Spellman front porch.

Harvey- I wonder if I should be suspicious?

He shrugs and walks off.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda converge on Brad.

Zelda- Nice to see you Brad, gum?

She sticks a stick of gum under his nose.

Brad- No thanks. Kinkle said there was a big-screen...

Hilda- (Interrupting) Yes! Ah but first gum...

She shoves the gum straight into Brad’s mouth. He instinctively chews.

Hilda- (Cont.) ...And then TV.

Zelda- (Aside to Sabrina) Don’t worry, it’s magical gum so he can’t say we’re witches.

Brad topples over backwards

Hilda- It’s also a quick acting anaesthetic.

Zelda- Perfect! Now for the operation.

Sabrina- Operation? I love that game.

Int. Spellman dining room. Brad is strapped to the operating table and strong electrical currents crackle up the capacitors while Zelda, Hilda and Sabrina stand ready in surgeons gowns and masks. Hilda yawns.

Zelda- This is a very delicate procedure and I will need your full co-operation.

Sabrina- How about a song?

She snaps out of it. Hilda yawns.

Zelda- We need a lot of electricity.

She points upwards.

Zelda- (Cont.) There, I’m brewing a storm. It should be here just in time.

Sabrina picks up Dreama in her little plastic mouse box from the sideboard.

Sabrina- It won’t be long now Dreama.

Hilda- Could you hold my eyelids open while I make some black coffee?

Zelda- Quiet! This must be done precisely.

She takes two electrodes and prepares to place them on Brad. Closer and closer they go as the tension noticeably rises.

Zelda- (Cont.) Mop!

Hilda- I am not a scullery maid!

Zelda- My brow!

Sabrina mops the sweat from her brow. Zelda’s almost there. She checks and re-checks their placement as Sabrina watches on wide eyed with tension. Hilda yawns. The front door-bell rings.

Mr. Kraft- (OS) Zoo-Zoo!

Sabrina- It’s Mr. Kraft!

Zelda- I’ll get rid of him.

She glances at the oven timer. It tells her she has nine minutes left.

Zelda- (Cont.) Quickly!

She dashes to the door.

Sabrina- (To Hilda) Y’know what we don’t have a lot? Fritters.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda opens the door to Mr. Kraft. He walks straight in cleaning his glasses.

Mr. Kraft- Zelda, we need to talk.

He puts on his glasses and sees that she’s wearing a surgeons gown and cap.

Mr. Kraft- (Cont.) We need... what are you wearing?

Zelda- Oh you mean this? We are big fans of ER around here and we’re playing the home version. So maybe we should talk later.

Mr. Kraft- No-no-no-no, we need to talk now.

Sabrina and Hilda stand at the dining room door watching. Sabrina holds up Dreama for Zelda to see and say ‘Get rid of him now!’

Zelda- What-wh-wh-what is the problem?

Mr. Kraft- Senior skip-day. Now you made an excellent argument for reinstating it and I was swayed by it and your persistent begging. (Sob!) But I don’t want them to have one! (Sob!)

Zelda- But it’s a life or death situation. Sabrina has got to have her senior... I mean all the kids would really enjoy a break.

Mr. Kraft- Cancelling it was gonna be my mark on Westbridge. I mean Principle Brown was there for integration, I was gonna be there for this.

Hilda clears her throat pointedly and loudly. Time is running out. The timer says six minutes.

Zelda- Ah would you excuse me for just a second?

Int. Spellman dinning room. Zelda joins her sister and Sabrina.

Sabrina- Let him cancel senior skip-day.

Zelda- But then you’ll never get rid of spring fever.

Hilda- You’ll just keep daydreaming.

Sabrina- I know but Dreama’s more important than whether or not I ever function again. Plus, I don’t want to spend the next hundred years changing cedar chips.

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda rejoins Mr. Kraft.

Zelda- You’re right, the kids don’t need a skip-day. In fact I think you should work on getting rid of weekends.

Mr. Kraft- Okay. Okay. I er just hope we can feel close again.

The thunder storm that Zelda is brewing arrives. Lightning flashes followed by a deafening crash of thunder. Mr. Kraft jumps into Zelda’s arms with a cry as she opens the door for him.

Zelda- Poor dear.

Sabrina- (Through gritted teeth) Got to go!

Zelda- There’s your car, run!

Mr. Kraft- (Looking nervously up at the sky) Well I picked a heck of a time to wear my steel toed shoes.

He runs for it.

Sabrina- At last and we’ve still got some time left.

Four minutes as Zelda waves him off. Mr. Kraft doesn’t get struck by lightning but Zelda does.

Int. Spellman kitchen. The cat in the bubble is trying to get his message across.

Salem- Hungry! Hello? Guess I’m going to have to search my gums for food particles again. What can they be doing that’s so important they forgot to feed the cat in the bubble?

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda lies sparked out on the living room floor. Hilda and Sabrina crouch beside her.

Hilda- Zellie?

Sabrina- Speak to me!

Zelda- I’m okay. My fillings are a little hot but I’m fine.

Fine means blackened from head to foot with her hair standing on end.

Sabrina- This may sound a little callous, what with you still smouldering and all, but... You have a witch-hunter in pre-op.

Zelda- Oh I can’t touch Brad, I’ll electrocute the mortal.

Hilda- <Yawn!> Touch me, maybe it’ll perk me up.

Zelda- I’m so sorry Sabrina, I should be fine in an hour or so.

Hilda- Maybe if we get Dreama one of those little hamster wheels, she’ll start to adjust to life as a mouse? <Yawn!>

Sabrina- No... I have an idea.

Int. Spellman dining room. Zelda is strapped into the electric chair, Hilda plugs in the last lead but the whole thing works in reverse.

Zelda- Brilliant Sabrina! With all this electricity, I’ll make an excellent transformer.

Sabrina- I’ve always had a yen to groom a poodle.

Zelda- Hilda, with Sabrina unable to focus, you’re going to have to perform the operation.

Hilda- Normally I’d find a way to weasel out but... there’s too much at stake. I’ll do it.

Zelda- Great! Let’s get going.

Hilda gets going... straight to the land of nod. She keels over fast asleep.

Zelda- (Cont.) Before your medication kicks in.

Sabrina- Keep it down, I’ve got a really good stare going.

Zelda- Focus honey! Focus! You’re our only hope!

Sabrina snaps out of it.

Zelda- (Cont.) You’ve got to operate on Brad.

Sabrina- Right.

She picks up the electrodes.

Zelda- Now, you’ve got to place the electrodes in the precise spots in a precise order.

Sabrina nods and starts to giggle.

Sabrina- (Snapping out of it) Sorry!

Zelda- Place the first one just above his left eye.

She does.

Sabrina- Piece of cake.

Zelda- Now the second one goes between his index finger and his thumb, without touching his palm.

Sabrina- I’m all over it.

Zelda- Slowly. Slowly.

Sabrina starts to drift.

Zelda- (Cont.) Not that slowly. Sabrina?

Sabrina’s back on her swing, swinging above the patient.

Dream Sabrina- Weeeeeeee! If you tilt your head back it’s a real rush. (Looking down at Sabrina) Hey, it’s the girl whose friend got turned into a mouse. Shouldn’t you be working?

Zelda- Oh dear, we’ve lost her. (Looking down at Hilda) Actually we’ve lost everyone. I’m talking to myself aren’t I?

Sabrina snaps out of her daze.

Sabrina- I’ve gotta stay focused for Dreama. I’ve got a job to do.

She looks at the electrode in her hand.

Sabrina- (Cont.) What’s this?

Zelda- Just put it in Brad’s hand!

She does.

Zelda- Good! Good! Now the last one goes on Brad’s tongue.

Sabrina- Gross!

Zelda- Do it!

She opens his jaw sticks it in and pushes it shut again.

Sabrina- Bing bang boom. Give me another task quick before I’m as unfocused as a camera pointed at Sybil Shepherd.

Zelda- Last step, pull the switch!

She pulls the switch. Zelda lights up as power flows from her and into Brad just as the timer ticks down the last seconds, but nothing seems to happen.

Sabrina- It didn’t work!

Zelda- You got it, look.

She walks over to Brad and sure enough there are his witch-hunter genes... or rather jeans. Sabrina gets some tweezers and picks them off his face.

Sabrina- The witch-hunter gene is a tiny pair of blue jeans?

Zelda- Quick, drop them in the acid wash.

She does and with a fizz they dissolve into nothing, instantly relieving Dreama of her mouse shape and size. It might have helped if they’d taken her out of her little plastic box first but hey...

Dreama- You did it! I’m back.

And washing behind her ears as the oven timer pings and wakes sleeping beauty.

Hilda- Okay, hand me the scalpel.

She goes down for another nap.

Int. Spellman living room. The Spellman’s wave Dreama off.

Zelda- Get some rest Dreama.

Sabrina- And don’t eat too much cheese!

Hilda- Or your young!

Zelda closes the door.

Hilda- (Cont.) Things turned out okay except for these floorboard creases and the fact that you still have spring fever.

Sabrina- I’m just glad I did the right thing and, for what it’s worth, I haven’t had any daydreams in a while.

Zelda- Sabrina, you’re cured. I had a hunch that if you focused on the operation and snapped yourself out of your daydream, you would cure yourself. Now you don’t need senior skip-day and I have a new item for my medical paper.

She kisses Sabrina and leaves to start working on said paper.

Hilda- Well if that speech didn’t zone you out, you’re definitely cured.

Sabrina- Now all we have to do is figure out whether we can send Brad home.

Hilda- Do you think he’s ready?

Int. Spellman back porch. Brad sits in his recliner armchair stuffing his face with pop-corn and firing off the remote at the big-screen TV.

Brad- He shoots! He scores. (Flick) Oh hat-trick Ha-ha-ha-ha! (Flick) Ace! (Flick) Knock out! (Flick) General Hospital? (Flick. Flick. Flick)

Hilda- (Watching through the window.) Oh yeah, he’s ready.

Sabrina- Let him have some fun. I mean since we almost killed him.

Int. Bean there, Brewed that coffee house. Harvey sits on the arm of the settee next to Sabrina and Dreama.

Harvey- You know, you gotta give me points for getting Brad over to your house.

Sabrina- Major points.

Harvey- For trusting you, for not asking any questions.

Sabrina- Big, huge, pendulous points.

Harvey- Thanks.

Sabrina- No, thank you.

Harvey- So what’s going on?

Sabrina- I just needed some time alone with Brad to discuss why he dislikes me. It wasn’t easy but um I’ve a feeling thing’s’ll be getting better.

Harvey- Really? That’s great ‘cause Brad’s really my best friend.

He kisses her and leaves. Sabrina turns to Dreama.

Sabrina- And now that he doesn’t have a witch-hunter gene, I get to start over with Brad. I bet he even likes me.

Talk of the devil.

Brad- Hey Spellman, Caroline Quinlan called. She wants her personality back.

He leaves laughing.

Sabrina- I forgot to factor in just one thing.

Dreama- What’s that?

Sabrina- Brad’s just a jerk! But at least now I get to do magic on him.

She points over her shoulder.

Brad- (OS) My pants?!

Int. Spellman living room. Zelda and Hilda come down the stairs.

Zelda- Hasn’t it been pleasant around here lately?

Run credits

Zelda- (Cont.) Sort of extra peaceful?

Hilda- I know! What’s different?

Zelda & Hilda- (Together) Salem!

Hilda- We forgot all about him.

Zelda- Oh-no! It’s the grasshopper in the jar all over again.

Hilda- What?! You said Mitzy joined the circus!

They both run for the kitchen.

Int. Spellman kitchen.

Zelda- Salem? Are you okay? Talk to us!

Inside the bubble Salem is blind and deaf... because he’s wearing shades and headphones. A tortoise wonders by with a plate of cat treats on his back and a miniature TV graces one corner.

Salem- Please don’t bother me, I’m trying to set the world record for groovin’



Pic of the Week