Every Witch Way But Loose
Written By - Bruce Ferber & Marley Sims
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina/Blender - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda/Kettle - Caroline Rhea
Zelda/Waffle Iron - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Josh - David Lascher
Miles - Trevor Lissauer
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Dr. B. Witchfield - Dan Gilvezan
Sheila - Cathy Herd
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. The office of Dr. B. Witchfield, Other Realm Therapist. He presides over a support group.
Dr. B. Witchfield- Itís quit common for mortals to react in a negative way when they discover their beloved is a witch. Er Sheila, why donít you er share your experience with the group?
Sheila- Dave was madly in love with me until her found out I was two faced.
Sheilaís attractive blonde head starts to twist round in a very exorcistic kind of way to reveal her attractive brunet face. The attractive blonde girl beside her finds it slightly disturbing.
Dr. B. Witchfield- And how about you Sabrina? You spent all Summer trying to get over your break-up with Harvey. How are you feeling?
Sabrina- I just feel so confused. Itís like thereís a game of emotional Ping-Pong going on in my head.
Int. Sabrinaís head. On one side of the Ping-Pong table is Sabrina. She serves.
Sabrina- I canít believe Harvey dumped me because he found out I was a witch. He was a selfish, manipulative, ego-maniac.
And at the other end of the table is Sabrina who returns service.
Sabrina- No he wasnít! He was a sweet puppy-dog who would have followed you anywhere, and he didnít shed.
Sabrina puts some spin on it.
Sabrina- Youíre right. Maybe I should call him.
But Sabrina counters with a smart back-hand.
Sabrina- Donít bother. Itís over, youíre dead to him.
Sabrina goes in for the kill with a forearm smash. It whistles past Sabrinaís ear and bounces around her head.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Nice shot.
Int. The office of Dr. B. Witchfield.
Dr. B. Witchfield- Youíre bound to be conflicted. Wounds of the heart take time to heal.
Salem- (Sob! Sob! Sob!) Tell me about it. (Sob!) Harvey was my best friend, my soul mate.
Dr. B. Witchfield- Yet to him you were nothing but a cat.
He whips out a hanky and helps Salem blow his nose.
Sabrina- Dr. Witchfield, how am I supposed to start college and get on with my life if I canít stop thinking about Harvey?
Dr. B. Witchfield- The truth is, youíve made a lot of progress over the Summer.
Sabrina- (Thinking about it) Yeah, I guess I have. Maybe all I need now is some closure.
Salem- Words. Empty words.
Sabrina- All you need now is some shock therapy!
Dr. B. Witchfield- If youíre ready for closure, all thatís left for you to do is go through... the final screening.
With a point he brings up a cinema screen. As it counts down he gestures for Sabrina to stand in front of it.
Dr. B. Witchfield- (Cont.) See if you can watch Harvey without having your heart ache for one last chance to be in his arms.
She doesnít look at all confident as the show begins. It shows Harvey dressed in a floral print dress and bonnet with an apron, The sounds of cows and chickens in the background.
Sabrina- Feeling fine, nothings aching although suddenly Iím in the mood for a barn raising.
The doctor glances at the screen.
Dr. B. Witchfield- Oh Iím sorry, thatís the er wrong video. Er here, try this one.
The picture changes to the front seat of Harveyís car all those years ago when he kissed her for the very first time... After the frog thing.
Sabrina- Ow! Not as easy. He was a good kisser, but you know what? Iím okay.
Dr. B. Witchfield- Congratulations Sabrina, youíve passed the test.
Sabrina- What a relief! I made it! Iím finally really ready to let him go!
Salem- Donít leave me Harvey!
He leaps from his seat at the cinema screen and hangs on with his claws. Slowly he starts to slide down it, tearing long slashes in the screen.
Salem- (Cont.) Slippery! Someone catch me!
He falls to the floor.
Run Opening credits.
Int. Sabrinaís bedroom. Zeldaís measuring up with a tape measure.
Zelda- Eight and a half feet by...
Zelda hadnít seen her sister enter and jumps with a gasp. The tape measure quickly retracting. She turns hiding the Tape behind her back.
Hilda- (Cont.) What are you doing?
Hilda- You jumped.
Zelda- For joy... when I saw you.
She tries to get out of the room but as she goes past Hilda, Hilda spots the tape measure.
Hilda- A-ha! You were measuring behind my back. You were going to redecorate Sabrinaís room without me.
Zelda- I didnít think youíd mind.
Hilda- Why not?
Zelda- Because... youíre a kind and giving person... and you have no taste.
Hilda- I have impeccable taste!
Zelda- As witnessed by the way you decorated your bedroom. South-western mixed with faux Chinese.
Hilda- I call if Cassidy feng shui.
Zelda- Hilda, Sabrinaís going to college now. She needs a room thatís conducive to serious study.
Hilda- And what, pray tell, did you have in mind?
Zelda smiles and points. If only redecorating was that easy. Mahogany book shelves line every wall packed with, of all things, books. A large leather topped desk is prominent with a leather high backed chair. decorative wrought iron candle stands flank the upholstered bed. Itís a kind of stately home study motif.
Hilda- Oh I see, you'd like Sabrina to spend her college years living in a mortuary.
Zelda- Iím not done yet. Iím getting her a beautiful ink-well.
Hilda- Ink-well? Oow how O-pera. I personally think Sabrina would be more comfortable living in a room more like the one I had during my academic year.
Zelda- You went to clown college.
Hilda- (Defensive) University!
She points. The decor changes again. This time splashed with bright coloured bunting, balloons and fairground attractions.
Hilda- I graduated magna cum seltzer.
A clown pops out of the large purple box in the middle of the room with a soda-siphon and squirts it all over.
Zelda- Back in the box chuckles.
She pushes him back into the box and closes the lid.
Zelda- (Cont.) Itís no use arguing. Itís Sabrinaís room, we should let her decide how she wants it decorated.
They walk out. Hilda does the finger honours turning it back to itís original teenage girlie state.
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The aunts come out of Sabrinaís bedroom.
Zelda- Iím confident that Sabrinaís mature enough to make the right choice.
As Hilda pulls the door closed, Zelda points over her shoulder. Thereís the zing of magic.
Hilda- I heard that.
She too points at the closed bedroom door as the linen closet activates, announcing Sabrina and Salemís return from the Other Realm. Salem arrives first. He flyís through the door, bounces off two walls before landing on the linen basket. As he bounces off the walls he yells.
Salem- Youíre all a bunch of whinny ponchos!
When the blur comes to a stop we can see that heís strapped into a straitjacket.
Salem- Phew, I couldnít take those nutcases any more.
Sabrina comes out of the closet more sedately.
Hilda- (To Sabrina) They kicked him out?
Sabrina- Yep. They thought his obsession with Harvey was bordering on the psychotic, and they caught him stealing Ďsweet-n-lowí
Salem- Youíll thank me at breakfast.
Zelda- (To Sabrina) More importantly, how are you doing?
Sabrina- Okay. I think Iím finally over Harvey.
Hilda- Really, after all he meant to you? You two were so close for so many...
She gets a nudge from Zelda.
Hilda- (Cont.) Too many years.
Sabrina- Iím exhausted, I just wanna go lie down and take a nice nap in my nice, cosy room.
Int. Sabrinaís bedroom. Sabrina enters to find the clown out of his box with his horn and the popcorn concession by the bookshelf containing the eighteenth century philosophy treatises by the leather inlayed desk with the new inkwell.
Sabrina- Okay, hereís where I could use a plan ĎBí
Zelda- We each wanted to redecorate your room, so just tell us which half you like best?
Hilda- Dark, dank and dreary or the greatest room on earth?
Zelda- Oh honey, I know you loved your old room but now that youíre starting college, maybe itís time for a change.
Sabrina- I agree, and Iíve been thinking about it a lot and... I wanna move out.
Zelda- Out where?
Sabrina- I wanna live at college like a normal freshman.
Salem- Our own crib on campus? Keg party!
Zelda- Sabrina this is very sudden. You never mentioned moving out before.
Sabrina- Well I didnít know how to tell you and I knew youíd be upset and beg me not go. So go ahead, letís get it over with.
Hilda- Sabrina, Iím only gonna say this once. A young girl needs her freedom and I need a room for kick-boxing. How soon does school start?
Hilda- Oh come on, you remember when we were Sabrinaís age?
Sabrina- Yeah, you must have been young once.
Salem- Was that before or after they invented fire?
Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem has swapped his straitjacket for a John Adams sweater while Zelda and Hilda play checkers. Zelda dejectedly makes a move.
Zelda- I hope youíre happy?
Hilda jumps four of Zeldaís pieces.
Hilda- Of course Iím happy, Iíve won the last three games. King me.
Zelda- Iím talking about Sabrina living on her own in the Mortal Realm. Do you remember how painful that transition was?
Salem- Iíll give ya painful. Having to listen to you two yentaís bellyache all day. Do you think this sweaters too snug?
Hilda- It could be a little tighter around your neck. Look, Sabrinaís going to college across town. She can come and visit whenever she wants. (Suddenly thoughtful) What if she doesnít want to? Well Iím sure sheíll call whenever she has time. She wont have any time because sheíll be in college all the way across town! Zelda, what have you done?!
Zelda- Me?! Oh Hilda, we just have to hope that Sabrina will come to her senses and realise that sheíll miss us as much as weíll miss her.
Salem- Aint gonna happen sister. Sheís growiní up, moviní out and Iím riding shotgun on her coat-tails.
He raises his tail that has a John Adams pennant fastened to it.
Salem- (Cont.) Yeah baby!
Int. Bean there, brewed that coffee house. Josh is behind the counter with Marnie.
Josh- Oh I donít know, it depends how Sabrinaís feeling. If she seems receptive, Iíll ask her out.
He checks his refection in the polished coffee urn and preens his hair.
Josh- (Cont.)(Under his breath) You rock, Coffee-boy.
Marnie watches him amused as Sabrina arrives for work.
Josh- (Cont.) Hey Sabrina.
Sabrina- Hey Josh.
Josh- How ya doiní?
Sabrina- Oh, never better. Iíve decided to make a life change. Iím going to make a clean break and start fresh.
Josh- Thatís fantastic, exactly what I was hoping for. So you got any plans for the weekend?
Sabrina- Yes I do. Iím going to pack up my stuff and move into my new dorm.
Josh- Oh sweet, which one did you get into?
Sabrina- I donít know, I havenít signed up yet.
Josh- Sabrina, your school starts next Tuesday. These dorms fill up months in advance.
Sabrina- (Stopped in her tracks) Really? I wondered what all those packets from the housing office were about.
Josh- Youíll probably have to get on a waiting list to get on the waiting list.
Sabrina- Or maybe theyíll just let the really cool people in... I guess that doesnít help me either. Well you never know, a room could open up. I mean some incoming freshman could be hit by a bus. (On his look) He wouldnít be dead or anything, heíd just start school next year.
Josh- Sabrina, I donít mean to sound negative but your chances of getting a room are slim to none. Less than zero. No way, no how.
Sabrina- Yeah, thank you very much Joshua. You know, I came in here totally jazzed and now Iím spiralling into a black-hole.
Josh- Oh no-no-no-no, donít go there. If youíre in a black-hole, then you wont be in the mood to go out on a date.
Sabrina- What are you talking about? Iím barely over Harvey. What kind of loser would want to date a woman on the rebound?
Josh- No one I know.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Thereís a grunt and a heave and a toaster falling into a suitcase case. Hilda enters.
Hilda- Where do ya think youíre going with that?
Salem- A college guy needs his toast.
Hilda- And how do you suggest we get our mail from the Other Realm?
Salem- Can you say ĎNot my problemí?
Hilda- No, but I can say ĎNot your toasterí
She takes it out of the suitcase. Zelda enters with a packed duffel-bag.
Hilda- (To Zelda) Guess whoís been trying to steal our appliances and take them off to college?
Zelda- No doubt the same slug who packed my hair rollers in his duffel-bag.
Salem- I like to bat them around the floor... for exercise. (On their look) Thatís my story and Iím sticking to it.
Sabrina comes in from work looking fed-up.
Zelda- Sabrina, whatís wrong?
Sabrina- There was no room at the dorm, so all student housing can do is put my name on the waiting list.
Her aunts can barely mask their elation.
Hilda- Sabrina, thatís fan...terrible.
Zelda- Oh honey, I know you must be terribly disappointed.
Salem- Her? I got a mover cominí tomorrow to pick up the ottoman.
Zelda- (To Sabrina) But the good news is, you still have a place to stay.
Hilda- And if a room becomes available, you can move into the dorm next year.
Zelda- Or the year after that, or the year after that.
Salem- By then youíll be sucked into their tangled web, your precious freedom, a distant dream.
Hilda- I have a dream and in it, youíre a zip-out lining.
Sabrina- Salemís right. If I want to live on my own, itís up to me to make it happen. Iíll just have to go out and find an apartment.
Zelda- But what if the only apartments available are in dangerous neighbourhoods?
Sabrina- The only way to find out is to get out there and look. Scour every classified, knock on every door.
Zelda- Well lucky for you, youíre looking at a couple of great knockers.
Hilda looks at her sister with a frown.
Ext. A Boston street near Adams College. Large, well maintained Georgian terraces line the street. Expensive Mercs and BMWs are parked outside them. Sabrina walks down it with a newspaper in her hands checking addresses. Hilda and Zelda are a pace behind her.
Sabrina- Thereís a small studio apartment in that building over there.
She points across the street.
Sabrina- (Cont.) It looks like a nice neighbourhood.
Zelda- But thereís trash all over the street.
Sabrina looks around the swept clean street and spots.
Sabrina- Thereís one gum-wrapper.
She bends to pick up the litter and while sheís distracted, Zelda points down the street.
Hilda- Well it starts with a gum wrapper but look where it ends.
A few paces down the street, things are very different. Old car seats sprayed with graffiti and overturned trash-cans litter the street. Down and outs try to sleep in cardboard boxes while the police sirens and homeboys with getto-blasters try to keep them awake. A dodgy looking man in a raincoat confronts them and pulls it open to reveal knock-off watches at bargain prices.
Sabrina- Er, they say itís very bad luck to take the first place you see. (To the watch man) Oh who'll give you twenty bucks for that... (Takes a closer look) Schmolex?
Int. A potential apartment. The landlady shows the Spellmanís in.
Sabrina- Youíre right, that last place we looked at wasnít exactly in the best location. Itís nice and light in here.
She walks over to the window and raises the blind and looks across the two foot of alley into the window on the other side. The red, flashing neon sign sayís ĎBail Bondsí and the leather clad, tattooed thug inside smiles across at her and waves.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Light doesnít really work for me because Iím nocturnal.
She pulls down the blind and leaves.
Ext. The steps of another potential apartment. Sabrina likes this one and runs excitedly up the brownstones steps. Hilda gives Zelda a nudge and Zelda points at the building before following.
Int. The same apartment. They look up at the featured skylight.
Sabrina- What it doesnít have is a roof around the skylight.
A pigeon flies in and lands on Hildaís head.
Int. Another apartment. Sabrina enters followed by her aunts who look at one another with smug smiles.
Sabrina- Hey, this is cute and look, thereís a tub in the kitchen.
Sheís not wrong. Itís the old cast-iron type. As Sabrina approaches it Hilda points again adding a few desirable extras to it.
Sabrina- Ow! And itís full of cockroaches! Wait a minute, I think the roaches are spelling out the word ĎHií Urk!
Ext. Spellman back porch. Evening. The footsore trio come in.
Sabrina- I canít believe itís this hard to find an apartment, I mean each one was worse than the next. Itís like someoneís plotting against me.
Hilda- Who would do that? Why would you think that? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Sabrina finally twigs.
Sabrina- (Angry) Aunt Hilda?!
Hilda- It was her idea!
Sabrina- (Furious) Aunt Zelda?!!
Zelda- We have the right to remain silent!
Sabrina turns and walks into the kitchen, slamming the door in her aunts faces.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Salemís on the phone. Sabrina storms in slamming the door.
Salem- Hey! Trying to order some school supplies here. (On the phone) Iíll take a case of number two pencils (whispering) and a bottle of peppermint foot cream.
The aunts work up the courage to come inside.
Zelda- Honey, I know youíre angry, but we acted out of love.
Sabrina- You were sneaky and dishonest.
Hilda- in a loving, nurturing way.
Zelda- Sabrina, we just hated the thought of you leaving.
Thereís a beep.
Salem- (On phone) Hold on, got another call coming in. (He hits the button and listens) Student housing office? Sheíll have to get back to you.
Sabrina- Gimme that!
She snatches the phone from him.
Sabrina- (On phone) Hello, this is Sabrina Spellman... Really?... Something opened up near campus? Does it have four walls and a ceiling?... Nobody got hit by a bus did they?... Great! Iíll take it!
Her delight as she switches off the phone is only equalled by her aunts misery. She tries to ease their worries.
Sabrina- Look, the house is owned by the school, itís two blocks from campus, you canít possibly object. You can drop me off and help me with my stuff but I donít want a point or a ping out of either of you.
Salem- Face it aunties, itís time to let us live our own lives.
Sabrina- Salem, along those lines. Most people donít go to college with a talking cat.
Salem- Giving you the clear advantage.
Sabrina- Iím sorry, you canít come with me.
She turns and heads upstairs.
Salem- Oh please! Please! Please! Donít leave me with these wretched... (On the two threatening, narrow eyed glowers) ...goddesses.
Ext. College house front porch. Sabrina comes up carrying bags with her aunts and rings the door-bell. She turns to Zelda and Hilda.
Sabrina- Okay, well thanks for your help. Iíll call once I get settled.
Zelda- Youíre sure you donít want us to come in and take a look around?
They start to move forward but Sabrina whips her finger up and theyíre blocked by a magical force field.
Zelda- (Cont.) Iíll take that as a no.
The door is opened by a bright and bubbly red head.
Morgan- Hi! You must be the new girl, Sabrina, and you must be her aunts, Hilda and Zelda.
Hilda- And you must be clairvoyant.
Morgan- No, I am Morgan Cavanaugh, the RA. Itís my job to know the backgrounds of the students that I look after. Come on in.
Zelda- (To Sabrina) She invited us.
In they go. It must be like with vampires. Sabrina follows with a sigh.
Int. College house. It comprises one large room with living area, kitchen and dinning area. A set of stairs leads off to the right.
Sabrina- This is so cool!
Morgan- I live upstairs and Sabrina will be sharing a room down here with a wonderful girl named Roxie.
Sabrina- Okay, sounds great. (To her aunts) Okay, bye guys.
She tries to push them out but Zeldaís neat bodyswerve foils her.
Zelda- (To Morgan) Um Morgan, this is our nieces first time living on her own.
Morgan- You have nothing to worry about, I put in a full twenty-four hours. I look after these students as if they were my own family
Sabrina- See? No worries. Sheíll be just as suffocating as you are.
Morgan- I make sure they get plenty of rest, they eat right and study-study-study.
Zelda- (Joking) Can I live here?
Hilda- (Serious) Can she?
Sabrina- (Taking them by the arm) Okay, bye aunt Zelda, bye aunt Hilda.
Morgan- Donít you worry, Iíll take good care of her.
They leave. Morgan closes the door and turns to Sabrina.
Morgan- Gotta role, have a date.
Sabrina- But itís ten-thirty in the morning?
Morgan- I know, Iím an half-hour late thanks to your yackety-yak aunts.
She grabs her jacket and her bag with Sabrina on her heals.
Sabrina- Wait, before you go, I have a quick question.
Morgan- Oh I donít have time for questions.
Sabrina- Wait, but I thought you said you were here for me twenty-four hours?
Morgan- Not in the same day!
Sheís gone. With a sigh Sabrina looks around and realises. She smiles.
Sabrina- (To herself) My place. My chair.
She flops down into an arm-chair and looks at the shelves beside her.
Sabrina- (Cont.) My... All right, itís not my CD player but itís in my living room.
She turns it on and starts dancing round the room to Jon Bon Joviís ĎItís my lifeí. She takes off her jacket and twirls it around her head. She dances for the joy of being out on her own and for some reason feels that hopping on one foot while holding her other ankle expresses her feelings best. Sheís completely unaware that she is no longer alone in the house. A girl with long, straight, dark hair has entered. Sabrina finally notices her watching and puts her foot back down embarrassed.
Roxie- Stay right there, Iíll call nine-one-one.
Sabrina- Er Iím sorry. This must look really strange.
Roxie- No, I was gonna go with psycho, but itís your call.
Sabrina- You must be Roxie. Iím Sabrina, your new room mate.
She holds out her hand to shake. Roxie ignores it.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Er Iím sorry if that was your CD player. I was just so excited, I couldnít stand still.
She goes over to turn the CD off.
Sabrina- (Cont.) This place is so cool, Iíve never lived on my own before and I just know college is gonna be the best experience of my life...
Sheís interrupted by the sound of a bedroom door closing. Roxie has gone.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, maybe the second best.
She goes to Roxie and hers bedroom door and knocks politely.
Roxie opens the door.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Was it something I said?
Roxie- Look, you seem very nice.
Roxie- I have no room in my life for people like that.
Sabrina- Youíre kidding right?
Roxie- I never kid, I never giggle and I never dance like a bow-legged chicken.
Sabrina- Come on, you must have done it once... (On Roxieís look) or not. Oh I get it, youíre one of those deceptively acerbic types. You talk tough but deep down youíve got a heart of gold?
Roxie- Iím taking the bedroom, you get the couch and Iíd appreciate it if youíd lose that... perky thing.
She closes the door in Sabrinaís face as a young guy enters the front door with a box of electrical do-dabs. He dumps it down on the coffee table. Sabrina comes over.
Sabrina- Hey cool! Weíre getting cable?
Miles- Iím not the cable guy, Iím Miles. I live in the bedroom across the hall. Never go in there.
Sabrina- Okay. Iím Sabrina, I just moved in. So whatís all the equipment for?
Miles- Erm... I work part time for the electric company.
Sabrina- Doing what?
Miles- Er... Electric stuff. Unhooking things, plugging things in, love plugs... Okay, Iím monitoring the alpha quadrant for signs of intelligent life.
Sabrina- The alpha quadrant? Those water breathers are light-years behind us.
Miles- Go ahead, make fun. I know youíll never believe this but our universe is inhabited by other forces and other beings.
Sabrina- Oh you mean like... witches?
Miles- Witches? Come on, theyíre about as real as the Easter bunny or the lone gunman theory.
He grabs up is box of electronic gizmos and heads for his room.
Sabrina- Wait-wait-wait! Um Morgan said I have to share a room with Roxie but Roxie said I have to sleep on the couch. Isnít that ridiculous?
Miles- (At his door) Watch out for the loose spring on the left cushion, itís an eye opener.
He closes the door leaving Sabrina to sort out her own problems.
Int. Sabrinaís bedroom. Salem has the bed to himself and Zelda wonders round picking up little nick-nacks of Sabrinaís with a melancholy smile. Hilda walks in.
Zelda jumps out of her skin.
Hilda- (Cont.) I caught you again. What were you doing this time?
Zelda- Wallowing in the misery of life without Sabrina.
Hilda- Wallowing? Without me? I never fail to be amazed at the depths of your selfishness.
They both sit at the bottom of Sabrinaís bed.
Zelda- I apologise.
She picks up Sabrinaís old fluffy teddy from the bed that Salem had been using as a pillow. He wakes as she gives it to Hilda.
Zelda- Here, you fall apart first.
Hilda- Thank you (Sob!)
Int. College house. Evening. Sabrinaís decided to cook everyone supper. She lifts the lid off her pan and sticks her wooden spoon in. When she pulls it out again the congealed contents of the pan come with it and resist her efforts to shake them off.
Salem- Wow! So they did save Hitlerís brain.
Sabrina turns to see Salem sat on the open windowsill. She returns the contents back to the pan with the spoon still embedded.
Sabrina- What are you doing here?
Salem- I came to party, but I see no signs of bubbly, vivacious co-eds. No offence.
Sabrina- (Getting out the peanut-butter and bread) Youíve no clue what college life is like today.
Salem- I come to learn. Teach me the ways of your animal house.
Sabrina- Well for one thing, they donít let you stay in your own bedroom. My room-mate hates me and expects me to sleep on the couch. I tried to talk to her but she wont even open the door.
Salem- Hmm, letís see? What to do? If only you were a witch.
Sabrina- Forget it, if Iím going to go to school in the mortal realm, I canít use magic to solve every little problem.
Salem- Well no wonder youíre miserable, youíre letting these mortals walk all over ya.
Sabrina- Are you saying that because you care or because you wanna party?
Salem- Er six of one... The point is, youíve got the gift of magic. Use it or lose it.
Sabrina- Well I guess if something is really annoying me...
She points. With a scream Salem flies out the window. Sabrina takes a bite of her peanut-butter sandwich supper.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda are eating their own supper when Salem lands on the table still screaming.
Salem- (Looking at their supper) Oow, squat kebabs.
Int. College house. Sabrina tosses. She turns. She punches the couch cushion thatís her pillow. She struggles to untangle her blanket from her legs. She tosses some more but sleep is a long way off. She suddenly sits up with her hair disarrayed and her finger poised as she looks at her bedroom door.
Sabrina- No, I wont stoop to Salemís level... yet.
She gets up, walks up the steps to Morganís room and knocks. Morgan answers.
Morgan- Hi. Whatís up?
Sabrina- I have a little problem.
Morgan- So do I. Iím on my way to this party and I canít decide what shoes to wear.
She holds up a pair of red sandals in one hand and black strapy heals in the other.
Sabrina- I like the red sandals.
Morgan- Me too. Thanks a lot.
Sabrina- Now about me...
Sheís talking to a closed door.
Sabrina- (Cont.) ...Enough about me.
She heads back down to the uncomfortable couch.
Int. Spellman living room. Sabrinaís not the only one not sleeping. Hildaís sat on the settee with the photo album out.
Hilda- (To herself) Sabrinaís first levitation. Huh, the girl had lift.
Zelda comes in yawning.
Zelda- What girl?
Hilda- Just looking at old pictures of Sabrina.
Zelda- Without me? Do you think youíre more upset about her leaving than I am? Oh how pathetic, I sound like you.
Hilda- I just canít go to sleep until I know sheís okay.
Zelda- Iím sure sheís fine.
Hilda- Well then why does Salem say sheís sleeping on the couch? We should go over there and check on her.
Zelda- If we barge in on her she will never forgive us.
Hilda- Youíre right, driving over there is not the answer. We should calm down, make-some-tea.
Zelda- Exactly... and perhaps, a waffle.
Without another word they both head for the kitchen.
Int. College house. Sabrina tosses. She turns. She punches the couch cushion that is her pillow. She kicks at her blanket and tosses some more unaware of the waffle iron in the kitchen opening of itís own accord. The kettle beside it glances at it.
Kettle- Salem was right, sheís sleeping on the couch!
Thereís a thump as Sabrina tosses once too often.
Waffle Iron- Not anymore.
Sabrina- (To herself) Itís no use, I need help.
She climbs up off the floor and grabs the phone, punching in the number, she listens.
Sabrina- (Cont.) The machine? Aunt Hilda, aunt Zelda, where are you?
Kettle- Right where you need us honey. Tea?
Waffle Iron- Waffle?
They transform into her aunts sitting on the kitchen counter in their dressing gowns.
Sabrina- You guys have been spying on me?
Zelda- Lucky thing, you obviously needed our help.
Sabrina- I needed some advice on a problem, but how can I take advice from people I canít trust?
Hilda- Oh you can trust us. We were just trying to help... in our own appliance oriented way.
Zelda- Salem told us whatís been going on. He said youíre letting your room-mate take advantage of you.
Sabrina- Not true! I was just about to go in there and tell her Iím moving in my stuff.
Hilda- Go ahead!
Sabrina- Iím going!
They stand there unmoving as the seconds tick by.
Zelda- Maybe you just need a little push?
She pokes Sabrina in the back with her finger magically propelling the reluctant girl forward until she reaches the bedroom door.
She turns round to see her aunts wave and then vanish in a cascade of sparkles. She turns back to the door, straightens her shoulders and knocks.
Roxie- (OS) Hey, sleeping in here!
Sabrina- Too bad, Iím coming in.
She points at the lock and opens the door.
Int. Sabrina and Roxieís bedroom. Sabrina enters to find Roxie sat reading at her desk.
Sabrina- I thought you were sleeping?
Roxie- And I thought the door was locked. So what are you doing? What do you want?
Sabrina- Whatís rightfully mine, one half of this room.
Sabrina- Oh I thought you didnít giggle?
Roxie- That wasnít a giggle, that was a ĎHa! Donít make me laughí laugh.
Sabrina- I have no idea why you donít like me, you donít even know me?
Roxie- I know you. You were the top of your class at high school, had a cute boyfriend and actually enjoyed extra-curricular activities.
Sabrina- ...Maybe, but I bet you canít tell me which ones?
Roxie- Can; donít want to. Trust me, I know your type.
Sabrina- My type?
Roxie- Perfect, well-adjusted. You probably donít have a weird bone in your body.
Sabrina- Thatís not true! I have many weird bones. Iíve got this whole double-jointed thing going on.
She casually points at her wrist as she hold it up and twists her hand a full three hundred and sixty degrees. Gross!
Roxie- (Impressed and grossed out) Wow! Youíre a freak!
Sabrina- You donít know the half of it. I havenít seen my mother in years, my father lives in this whole other realm and as for well-adjusted, well Iíve got these two aunts who are total witches.
Roxie- I see your aunts and raise you my clinically deranged step-mother.
Sabrina- I double down my uncles... Look, I donít have to justify myself to you okay. Whether you think Iím weird of normal doesnít matter, this room is half mine and Iím moving in, got it!
Roxie- Okay, you donít have to get nasty about it.
Sabrina- I thought itíd be a welcome change from "perky"
Roxie- Itís a start, and I suppose you want me to help you with your bags?
Sabrina- Thatíd be nice.
Roxie- ...Iíll do it anyway.
Roxie goes to get Sabrinaís bags. Sabrina sits on the end of her own bed and raises her arms in delighted triumph.
Sabrina- (Under her breath) Yes!
Salem- We're in! You go girl!
She glances, smiling broadly, at the bedroom window as Salem jumps to the sill.
Sabrina- Thanks, you go too.
A flick of her finger and Salem goes with a scream and a trail of sparkles.
Int. Spellman kitchen. The sleepless aunts are still up.
Hilda- We really should get to sleep. If Sabrina calls, weíll hear the phone.
Zelda- Sheís not gonna call. After what we did sheís probably never going to talk to us again.
Blender- I wouldnít say that.
Blender- Iím glad you gave me that little push I needed. Iím starting to work things out with Roxie.
Zelda- Oh thatís great honey. You know the only reason we drive you crazy is because we love you.
Blender- I know, I love you guys too. Gotta go.
They wave goodbye to their niece as the blender fires up.
Zelda- There, nice to see sheís finally blending in.