The Arrangement

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina, her aunts and her cat are all sat at the table playing a board game. Zelda and Sabrina play Hilda and Salem. Hilda picks a card from the game.

Hilda- (Reading) ‘What did the fourteenth century witch, Griselda, use to cure the plague?’ Oh this is so easy. (Whispering to Salem) Granola oil.

Sabrina and Zelda- (Together) Eye of newt.

Hilda- No, it’s... (Consulting the card) ...eye of newt.

Zelda- One more and we win!

Sabrina- Whoo-hoo!

Team Spellman/Spellman high five while team Spellman/Saberhagen scowl at each other. Hilda rolls the dice.

Hilda- Three.

The miniature model witch moves three spaces around the board. Hilda checks the square it’s landed on.

Hilda- (Cont.) (Reading) Famous witches in history.

Sabrina- (Reading the card) ‘Who was the first witch to transport herself using something other than a broom?’

Hilda- Easy! Hermia Von Beaverstein. Or is it stein?

Irma- (OS) It’s wrong is what it is.

A crackle of lightning heralds the appearance of the Spellman matriarch, aunt Irma into the room.

Irma- It was I.

Zelda- (Surprised) Aunt Irma!

Irma- I rode a large brazil nut.

Salem- Perhaps you could replace Hildie and my partner? With your amazing intelligence, we could wipe the floor with those two.

Irma- Silence, flea trap! I didn’t come here to play games. I came to see my favourite niece.

Zelda- Why thank you, aunt Irma.

Irma- I was talking about Sabrina. Dear, have you given any thought to your future?

Sabrina- Well, yes. As you know, I’m a journalism major and one day I...

Irma- (Interrupting) Silence! I’ve found an eligible young witch in the Other Realm who’s going to be your husband.

Sabrina- (Horrified) What?!

Zelda- Aunt Irma, we don’t do arranged marriages in this realm.

Sabrina- Or this century.

Irma- Oh you don’t, do you?

With a flick of her finger lightning crackles all around the room. Everything metal, pans, utensils, cauldrons become charged and crash to the floor while everything flesh and bone other than aunt Irma, cowers away. Satisfied with the validity of her argument, she dusts her hands together.

Zelda- However, if you’ve picked him out, I’m sure he’s lovely.

Hilda- And charming, just like you.

Irma- I thought you’d see it my way. I’ll send him by tomorrow.

She points at herself and vanishes with another bolt of lightning. Sabrina turns to her aunts in disbelieve.

Sabrina- An arranged marriage?! How could you sell me out like that?

Salem- It was you or the omelette pan. (Aside to Hilda and Zelda) Nice choice.

Run Opening credits.

Sabrina- You agreed to have a marriage arranged for me with a complete stranger!

Salem- Mosseltoff! Now whose roll is it?

Zelda- Honey, don’t worry. We’re not gonna let aunt Irma marry you off. We just have to play her game for a little while. Make her think her opinion counts.

Hilda- All you have to do is meet the guy. Go out with him a couple of times.

Sabrina- But I have a boyfriend and Josh doesn’t really like me to date.

Hilda- This will all be over before you know it. Aunt Irma will find someone else’s life to meddle in and she’ll forget all about you.

Sabrina- What makes you so sure she’ll lose interest?

Zelda- Experience. Aunt Irma tried to marry off Hilda and me countless times. She gave up on us centuries ago.

Salem- As did every man in both realms. (On everyone’s look) He-he-he-he.

Int. College house. Ah, black tights, always a favourite but Miles doesn’t really have the legs to carry them off. That doesn’t stop him from trying along with his matching black top. Sabrina sees him.

Sabrina- Let me guess. You’ve become a cat burglar?

Miles- Guess again. I’ve signed up for a class. Twenty-three lithe, long legged ladies and me.

Sabrina- And this class is what? Intro to delusions and fantasies?

Miles- Ballet... which, in my case, might be the same thing.

He leaves and Sabrina goes to the counter to pour herself a cup of tea. While tilting the kettle and large bunch of exotic looking flowers materialise beside her.

Sabrina- (To herself) Oh, where did these come from?

Flowers- Me.

They burst into bloom… well actually, they burst into Peter. The handsome, dark haired young man sits where the flowers had been.

Peter- Hi Sabrina, I’m Peter. Your aunt Irma sent me.

Sabrina- Oh, I won’t hold that against you. Look, I’m sure you’re a really nice guy...

Peter- (Interrupting) I’m sure you’re nice too.

Sabrina- But I have to be honest with you.

Sabrina & Peter- (Together) I don’t wanna marry you.

Sabrina- (Pleased) Really?!

Peter- (Relieved) This is great!

Sabrina- Oh I only agreed to meet you to get aunt Irma off my back.

Peter- Tell me about it. She told me that if I didn’t meet you she’d turn me into a dung beetle.

Sabrina- Wow, I’m flattered. Look, until the smoke clears, let’s just tell aunt Irma we’re dating... but we can’t actually date because I have a boyfriend.

Peter- Well that works for me.

Roxie enters from Sabrina and her bedroom.

Roxie- Sabrina, have you seen my black tights? I’ve looked everywhere for them. They couldn’t have just walked away.

Sabrina- Don’t be so sure.

Roxie- You finally find a pair that fits and...

She finally comes face to face with Peter who hasn’t taken his eyes off Roxie since she came out of her room.

Roxie- (Cont.) (Smiling) Hi.

Peter- (Smiling) Hi.

Sabrina- Oh, Roxie, this is Peter. Peter, Roxie. He’s an old family friend.

Peter- (Shaking her hand) Hi.

Roxie- (Smiling) Hi.

Peter- (Smiling) Hi.

Roxie- (Smiling) Hi.

Sabrina- Okay, well that just about covers introductions. Roxie, aren’t you late for class?

Roxie- (Smiling at Peter) Hi.

Sabrina- Bye.

Sabrina takes Roxie by the arm and drags her backwards towards the door. Roxie and Peter can’t tear their eyes from one another.

Roxie- (To Peter) Bye.

Peter- Bye.

Sabrina gives Roxie her coat and pushes her out the door. Once she’s closed it behind her roommate.

Peter- Who was that?

Sabrina- Oh, therapists have been trying to solve that mystery for nineteen years. Well I’m glad you and I have this situation under control. You know, maybe we can not go out next Wednesday night?

Peter- Perfect! I won’t pick you up at seven.

Sabrina- Okay.

Peter- (Heading for the door) See ya.

Sabrina- Or not.

Peter leaves.

Ext. College house porch. Peter comes out to find Roxie smiling at him.

Roxie- Hi.

Peter- (Smiling back) Hi.

Roxie- First of all, I want you to know I have other words in my vocabulary besides ‘Hi’

Peter- I figured. I’m guessing you’re a woman who speaks her mind and doesn’t let anyone push her around.

Roxie- And I’m guessing you’re pretty smart if you got all that from a ‘Hi’ You know, I’ve never done anything like this before, but would you ever, maybe wanna go out with me?

Foe an answer, Peter leans down and kisses Roxie, completely taking her by surprise.

Roxie- (Breathless) I’m hoping that’s a yes?

Int. Hilda’s Coffee House. It’s witnessing the most unlikely sight it’s ever going to see, Miles surrounded by a bevy of beautiful and attentive girls.

Miles- I’ve always loved the dance, but from afar. I wanted to get closer to the process.

He casually drapes his arm around, Gwen, the girl beside him. She doesn’t object.

Gwen- So which dancers do you admire the most?

Miles- I’d have to say Rudolf Nureyev and... Celtics cheerleader number six.

The girls give him a ‘Huh?’ look while Josh and Sabrina watch on from the counter.

Sabrina- Miles’ dance class seems to be working out.

Josh- Oh man, I should have taken a dance class in college. I could have met tons of hot lookin’ dance... (On Sabrina’s narrow eyed look) ...education specialists.

He gives her a quick peck on the cheek.

Josh- (Cont.) Bye.

He escapes before he digs the hole any bigger. On his way out he passes a couple on their way in. Sabrina notices them too as they find a table to sit at.

Sabrina- Oh-no! Aunt Hilda, did you seen who Roxie just walked in with? That’s Peter! That’s the guy aunt Irma wants me to marry!

Hilda- Wow! You’re lucky.

The both stand open mouthed as Peter and Roxie kiss passionately.

Hilda- (Cont.) Wow! Roxie’s lucky.

Sabrina- Oh-no. If aunt Irma ever found out about this, she’s gonna be furious!

Hilda- Honey, calm down, this is Roxie we’re talking about. She’s a walking man repellent. They’ll be broken up by dessert.

She takes a tray of cakes from the counter and walks over to Peter and Roxie with Sabrina following behind.

Hilda- (Cont.) See for yourself.

She sticks the tray between the two love birds.

Hilda- (To Roxie and Peter) Dessert?

Peter- No thank you, I’ve already got mine.

Hilda- Oh, that is so cute. (Aside to Sabrina) This relationship must be destroyed.

Sabrina gives a determined nod.

Ext. Adams College Campus. Roxie and Peter canoodle on a bench while the spying Spellmans peek over the top of a nearby hedge.

Zelda- Well, the good news is; Peter and Roxie make an adorable couple.

Sabrina- Yeah, but the bad news is; Peter and Roxie make an adorable couple.

Zelda mobile phone rings. She answers.

Zelda- (On phone) Oh hi aunt Irma... Well let’s just say, Peter has found the ideal woman. Bye-bye.

Sabrina- Aunt Zelda, what are we gonna do?

Zelda- I’ve got it. I’m going to distract aunt Irma by getting her to fix up cousin Desperada, and you’re going to do whatever it takes to break up those two.

Sabrina- (Watching them kiss) Yeah, that should be easy. Got a crowbar?

Int. College house. A very happy Roxie comes from her room all dressed up and finds Sabrina sat reading on the settee. Sabrina puts down her book and jumps up.

Sabrina- Wow! You look amazing. Where are you going?

Roxie- Peter’s taking me to Umberto’s for dinner.

Sabrina- Speaking of Peter, are you sure he’s right for you? I mean, I know he’s a really nice guy and all.

Roxie- He’s a great guy.

Sabrina- Yeah-yeah, great, but aren’t things moving a little fast? I mean it’s almost like your boyfriend and girlfriend.

Roxie- Sabrina, we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Sabrina- See?

The doorbell rings and Roxie answers. It’s Peter.

Roxie- Hi!

Peter- Hi!

Roxie- Hi!

She grabs her coat from the hook and they leave.

Sabrina- (To herself) Not a real verbal relationship.

Int. Umberto’s restaurant. Sabrina and Josh enter. Josh feels a little uncomfortable and in a Celtics T-shirt and sporting a large, green sponge hand with it’s finger up, not exactly dressed for a posh restaurant.

Josh- Sabrina, tell me again why I had tickets for a basketball game but I’m in a snotty French restaurant?

Sabrina- Because you love me... and I drove. Couldn’t you have left your finger in the car?

Josh- Are you nuts? D’ya think I’m going to leave something like this for the valet to get his hands on?

The Maitre’d come over.

Maitre’d- Can I check your finger...?

Josh- (Interrupting) Back of Pierre!

Sabrina- (Pointing) Oh, y’know, I see me friends over there. Why don’t we join them?

She pushes past the startled Maitre’d pulling Josh and his finger behind her.

Josh- (Pulling Sabrina up) Hey. I still don’t understand why I have to get involved in their relationship?

Sabrina- Again, because you love me and the sooner we break them up, the sooner you get to the game.

Josh- They’re history.

They invade Roxie and Peter’s romantic little table for two, pulling up two chairs from another table.

Sabrina- Hi Roxie. Hi Peter, what a coincidence!

Josh- Hey.

Sabrina- Mind if we join you?

Peter- Well actually...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Yeah, we were gonna get our own table but it is so much more fun to hang out in a group, y’know. Romantic dinners for two can be so boring.

Roxie- What are you talking about? You and Josh go out for romantic dinners all the time?

Sabrina- Yeah, but we don’t enjoy it.

Josh- Whaddya mean we don’t enjoy it?

Sabrina- I mean we don’t enjoy it as much as if we were out with a big group of people cheering, waving big foam body parts. Y’know college is a time when you should meet lots of people, not get too serious, right Josh?

Josh- Right! Yeah, otherwise you’re just like some old married couple. (In an old man voice) Hey Edna, pass the cream.

Sabrina- (In an old woman voice) Cream? With your cholesterol?

Peter- (Gazing into Roxie’s eyes) I don’t wanna date other people. I like Roxie.

Roxie- (Gazing back) And I like Peter.

Josh- And I like Sabrina, but I like other women too... Lot’s of them... and I’d like to date them... all of them.

Sabrina- You would?

Josh- Of course. (To Peter) I saw the gorgeous red head in the quad the other day...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Er what red head?

Josh- Well I don’t know her name, but she had this amazing smile and legs that went on for days.

Sabrina- Really? That long, huh?

Josh- Yeah, and they were kinda hard to miss since she was wearing this tight leather skirt...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) You know, we’re supposed to breaking them up, not us!

Josh- I’m just agreeing with your idea that guys our age shouldn’t tie themselves down, right Peter?

They look round to Peter only to find that he’s not there. Neither is Roxie. While Sabrina and Josh had been bickering, the love birds had left.

Sabrina- Great, they’re gone! Now we’re really in big trouble.

Josh- Yeah, you’re not kidding. We got stuck with the bill! (Raising his big green finger) Cheque please!

Int. College house. Sabrina enters to find that Peter got Roxie home safely and Roxie greets her roommate with a huge smile.

Sabrina- Roxie, there you are. Listen, I really have to talk to you about Peter. I mean, I know you like him but he’s all wrong for you. He’s weird, he’s out there...

Roxie- (Interrupting) He’s my fiancé!

She holds her hand up to show off the enormous diamond ring.

Sabrina- I don’t believe it!

Roxie- Neither did I. Who would have thought that I’d be the first one in this house to get engaged?

Sabrina- Well, you’re too young to get married. I mean, you’re still in college!

Roxie- And I can stay in college. (On Sabrina’s look) Hey, you’re happy for me, right?

Sabrina- Well I do feel like crying.

They have a big hug.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Congratulations.

Roxie- I’m going upstairs. Morgan wants to take a closer look through her jewellers loop. She’s preying that it’s cubic zirconium.

Roxie scoots off up the stairs.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) I sure hope my aunts are still up.

As she reaches for the phone it rings. She reaches to answer but the electric charge crackling around the handset gives her pause. A second later the lightning charge jumps to the settee to become aunt Irma.

Sabrina- Aunt Irma?!

Irma- Hello dear. I just thought I’d pop in and see how you’re doing with Peter?

Sabrina- Peter? Er, very well. I was just... with him a dinner.

Irma- Well I was talking to his mother and she told me that he’s been spending all his time in the mortal realm and, he told her, that he’d met a very special woman.

Sabrina- Oh, he has.

Irma- Don’t brag, dear.

Sabrina- I’m not, believe me.

Irma- I presume I’ll be hearing wedding bells soon?

Sabrina- It’s... been discussed.

Irma- (Delighted) Oh happy day. Oh, I knew the two of you would be perfect together. Two great witch families, united.

Sabrina- Yeah, a dream come true, but just out of curiosity, what if Peter fell out of love with me and decided to marry someone else? Say er... a mortal?

Aunt Irma’s happy demeanour crumbles as her eyes turn as hard as ice and steam blasts from her ears.

Irma- If Peter were to marry a mortal, I would banish him and he would never see his mortal bride again, and I would condemn her to a life of misery.

As quickly as the happy Irma disappeared, she returned.

Irma- (Cont.) But we don’t have to worry about that, do we dear? Because Peter’s marrying you.

She gives Sabrina a kiss on the cheek as her niece graces her with a rather sick looking smile.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda are on the settee with Salem looking unhappy when Sabrina bursts in through the front door all of a dither.

Sabrina- Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Oh, I’ve got the worst news. Roxie and Peter are engaged.

Hilda- As bad as that news is, I believe your aunt Zelda can trump that.

Zelda hands Sabrina the card that has come via toaster post.

Sabrina- Oh-no! It says I’m marrying Peter at three o’clock on Saturday! And I have to chose my entrée by four o’clock yesterday!

Hilda- On the bright side, you’re registered at Bed, Bath and Way Beyond.

Sabrina- (Furious) How could you let this happen?!

Zelda- Honey, it took us by total surprise. The invitation came from aunt Irma. She must have heard that Peter got engaged and assumed you were the bride.

Sabrina- I can’t be a bride. A: I don’t love the groom and B: I don’t have a dress.

Salem- How would you feel about me officiating? (On Sabrina’s look) I am an ordained minister of the nine lives universal church.

Sabrina- Salem, there isn’t going to be any wedding. Peter doesn’t wanna marry me anymore than I don’t wanna marry him.

Salem- Then why is he having a bachelor party tonight?

Sabrina- A bachelor party?!

Salem- (Enviously) At the Other Realm Hooters.

Sabrina- Gotta go.

She points at herself and vanishes.

Salem- Yeah, I was invited but I blew it off.

Hilda- You had a chance to go to Hooters and you blew it off?

Salem- The Other Realm Hooters isn’t nearly as popular as the ones here.

Zelda- Why not?

Int. The Other Realm Hooters. A uniformed waitress dances her way through the tables to the sound of Andy Griggs who’s sat on a stool playing ‘Custom Made’ At least it is assumed that it’s a waitress. It could be anything under the fluffy owl costume. The place is full of guys having a pretty good time and when Andy finishes his song and puts down is guitar to the sound of applause, Jim, Peter’s best man, has a surprise in store for his friend.

Jim- Alright Petey boy, your single days you will forsake, when you see what jumps out o’ this cake.

He gestures behind Peter and when he turns it’s to see two large fluffy owls pushing an equally large cake into the middle of the room. The top bursts open with a fanfare and out pops!

Jim- (Cont.) Hey, you’re not an owl!

There are a few disappointed boos.

Sabrina- Excuse me, I need some private time with the groom.

Jim leaves as Sabrina climbs out of the cake.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Look, why are you having a bachelor party? I’m not marrying you on Saturday.

Peter- I know that, I’m marrying Roxie.

Sabrina- Does aunt Irma know that?

Peter- No.

Sabrina- Does Roxie know that?

Peter- No. (On Sabrina look) Oh, I thought I’d break the news to them right after the party.

Sabrina- Oh yeah, that’ll go over big. Look, aunt Irma told me that if you marry a mortal, she’ll banish you and make Roxie miserable forever.

Peter- Well that’s because she hasn’t met Roxie. Once Irma gets to know her, she’s gonna fall in love with her just like I did.

Sabrina- All right, lay off the owl juice, buddy, it ain’t gonna happen. Besides, you can’t just tell Roxie you’re a witch and expect her to roll with it.

Peter- There’s only one way to find out, I’ll go and tell her right now.

Sabrina- No-no, wait! I can’t let you talk to Roxie!

Peter- Why not?

Sabrina- Because in the mortal realm, er, once you get engaged, you can’t see the bride or talk to her until the wedding.

Peter- But doesn’t she have to know when the wedding is?

Sabrina- Yeah, but that’s the bridesmaids job and that’s me.

Peter- What about telling her I’m a witch?

Sabrina- Again, the bridesmaid.

Peter- How’s she gonna get to the...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Other Realm? Again, that’s my responsibility, along with the flowers and the finger food for the reception.

Peter- Boy, the bridesmaids really have a lot to do.

Sabrina- Yeah, I know, and we have to do it all while wearing a really ugly dress.

Jim comes over and grabs Peter.

Jim- Peter, get away from her. It’s time for your flap-dance.

Sabrina- Whoa-whoa-whoa! Don’t you mean lap-dance?

Jim- No.

He sits Peter down as one of the large fluffy owls dances in flapping it’s wings and caressing Peter with them to whoops and whistles from the male witches.

Sabrina- (Under her breath) Okay. Now I can see why this isn’t quite as popular as the Hooters back home.

Int. College house. Sabrina enters to hear desperate moans on agony.

Sabrina- Miles, what are you doing?

Miles is stood on one leg by the counter with his other foot up on the counter surface and is clearly in some considerable distress.

Miles- I think, *?Hydro hone?* My hamstring has been stuck in this position for three hours.

Sabrina pushes Miles’ foot off of the counter to his painful relief as and angry Roxie storms from her bedroom.

Roxie- Miles, could you stop your groaning? It’s getting annoying.

Miles- Roxie, you were here? How come you didn’t come out to help me?

Roxie- I just thought you were talking to your mother. Sabrina, does Peter have a cell phone? I tried calling him at home but I got this weird recording.

Sabrina- Oh, it must be something with the switchboard. It’s probably nothing to worry about.

Miles- Yeah, well I may have something to worry about. Not being able to have children.

He hobbles off to his room.

Roxie- You know, not only can I not reach him but I realised, I have no idea where he lives.

Sabrina- Let’s examine that. (Counting on fingers) You’re engaged to this guy, yet you have no idea where he lives. Does that tell you something?

Roxie- (Smiling) I must really love him.

She turns and saunters back towards her room. Sabrina mulls this over for a second.

Sabrina- (To herself) Not the answer I was going for.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda are vying for room in front of the mirror to complete those never ending last minute touches. Sabrina enters in her pink satin, off-the-shoulder, bridesmaids dress and grabs her coat.

Sabrina- Come on guys, hurry up. We don’t wanna be late for Roxie and Peter’s wedding.

Zelda- How did you ever get everyone to agree to this?

Sabrina- Well Roxie and Peter are madly in love, so that was easy.

Hilda- How did you convince aunt Irma?

Sabrina- It was a snap. I am her favourite niece,

Having wrapped up against the cold, Sabrina points at herself and vanishes in a swirl of sparkles.

Hilda- (Imitating Sabrina, jealously) I am her favourite niece.

Int. The Other Realm Wedding Chapel, entrance hall. Hilda and Zelda enter.

Zelda- Two minutes before the wedding, perfect timing. We can get to our seats without having to make small-talk with that evil aunt Irma.

Irma- Hilda...

Hilda and Zelda jump, not having seen their evil aunt Irma enter behind them.

Irma- (Cont.) ...Zelda, Always bridesmaids, never brides. Actually, not even bridesmaids this time.

Hilda- Nice to see you too.

Irma- Well, it’s a glorious day and I can’t thing of a more perfect match for Peter than our Sabrina.

Zelda- Sabrina? You mean Roxie.

Irma- Roxie? Is that-Is that Sabrina’s nickname?

Hilda and Zelda share a quick glance.

Hilda- Yes! Yes, we gave her that name because, as a child, she used to play with rocks.

Irma- I always forget how dim you are.

She turns and goes into the chapel proper.

Zelda- Let’s get to the bottom of this.

The walk over to the brides room and knock on the door. Sabrina answers the door.

Zelda- (Cont.) Sabrina, trouble. Aunt Irma still thinks you’re the one marrying Peter.

Sabrina- I know, but I’ve got it all under control.

Zelda- Tell me the truth. You never really told her, did you?

Hilda- I thought you were her favourite niece?

Sabrina- Don’t worry. The ceremony is gonna be beautiful and everybody’ll be moved to tears, then aunt Irma will see how madly in love the bride and groom are and she’ll melt.

Zelda- Or she’ll have a fit and start throwing thunderbolts!

Hilda- With the amount of hairspray I have on, I could go up like a roman candle!

Sabrina- Just keep aunt Irma away from here while I help Roxie get dressed.

She closes the door on them.

Int. The Wedding Chapel. Zelda and Hilda enter and come up short when they spot Salem in his suit, playing the organ.

Zelda- Nice organ.

Salem- You’re not the first to say so.

Hilda- I thought you were going top officiate?

Salem- Aunt Irma questioned my credentials. Like the Internet isn’t a good enough place to be ordained?

With a shake of their heads they go to their seats with a wave and a silent ‘Hi’ to a few people they know.

Zelda- Oh, do you think Sabrina’s plan will work?

Hilda- Absolutely... Let’s run while I’ve still got hair!

Zelda holds Hilda down by mean force as the other person with Internet access starts the wedding ceremony.

Irma- Friends, Witches, Trolls. We are gathered here to witness the joining together of two powerful witch families, which I, in my infinite wisdom, have brought together.

Peter stands at the front of the chapel as Salem strikes up the wedding march. He turns to watch his bride make her way up the aisle in a beautiful shimmering white gown and veil accompanied by a tall grey creature with no nose or ears... or hair.

Zelda- Interesting choice, but I guess there’s no law that says a father has to give the bride away.

Hilda- Unless that is Roxie’s father. (On Zelda’s look) What? I hear she comes from a very strange family.

At last, the wedding procession reaches the front and bride and groom turn to face aunt Irma.

Irma- You are about to witness a special kind of other realm wedding. The young couple asked to write their own vows.

Zelda- (To herself) Oh how beautiful.

Irma- But I vetoed that.

Zelda scowls, disappointed.

Irma- We shall start with the traditional drinking of the passion ambrosia. Peter, lift the brides veil.

Peter- Er. We thought we’d wait till the end of the ceremony to do that.

Irma- Nonsense! Here let me help you.

She reaches for Roxie’s veil.

Peter- No, that’s not necessary.

Irma- Silence! (Threatening) Lift the veil.

When Peter hesitates Irma raises her finger and Zaps the veil. It flips back to reveal...

Peter- Oh my God, Sabrina?!

Hilda & Zelda- (Together) Sabrina?!

They leap up from their seats and dash up to the front.

Irma- Well of course it’s Sabrina. Whom were you expecting?

Sabrina- Yes, whom were you expecting. All right aunt Irma, marry us already.

Zelda- What’s going on?

Peter- Sabrina, I’m not gonna marry you. I don’t love you.

Sabrina- Well I don’t love you either! No marriage is perfect. (To Irma) Moving along; I do.

Peter- But I love Roxie!

Irma- This is Roxie, She played with Rocks.

Peter & Sabrina- (Together) What?!

Sabrina- (To Peter) Look Peter, if you love Roxie, you have to marry me.

Zelda- Honey, what are you talking about?

Sabrina- If Peter marries a mortal aunt Irma said she’d make that mortal miserable for the rest of her life and Peter would never see her again. I can’t let that happen to Roxie, so I’m taking her place instead.

Hilda- Sabrina, why didn’t you tell us?

Sabrina- Because I knew you’d try to stop me.

Irma- You were willing to sacrifice your own happiness to save a friend?

Sabrina- (Emotionally) There’s no other way.

Irma- (breaking up) Oh, that is so touching... (Pulling herself together) Now where was I? Dearly beloved...

Zelda- (Interrupting) Aunt Irma! How could you let Sabrina go through with this?

Hilda- Marry someone she doesn’t love and make these two young people miserable for the rest of their lives?

There’s a loud muttering of disapproval from the gathering.

Irma- (Throwing her arms wide) Silence! I suppose, even though their misery could bring me untold happiness, I must call off this union of holy matrimony.

The people applaud her decision, even the large fluffy owl.

Sabrina- (Delighted) Whoo-hoo!

Irma- And I’m through wasting my time and energies being a matchmaker.

Zelda- (Delighted) Here-here!

Irma- (To Zelda) Although, if you could get a little meat on your bones, I could fix you up with a really cute Cyclops.

Hilda- Keep an eye out for me... (On Irma’s look) I know, silence.

Ext. College house front porch. Peter and Sabrina arrive back from the other realm.

Peter- You know, I just wanna thank you for what you did for Roxie. You are a really good friend.

Sabrina- Hey, any decent person would go behind her best friends back and marry her fiancé.

Peter- Well I’m just glad that Roxie and I get to be together again.

Sabrina- Me too. Y’know, I-I know it’s none of my business but I would recommend slowing down a little bit.

Int. College house. Sabrina and Peter enter. Roxie jumps up from the settee and comes over.

Roxie- Peter, where have you been?

Peter- It’s a long story.

Roxie- How could you disappear for a whole weekend and not call me? I didn’t know how to get in touch with you. I didn’t have your home phone number. I don’t know where you live and, now that I’ve had a weekend to thing about it, I realised I don’t know anything about you. For example, where’d you grow up?

Sabrina- Er, you might not wanna hit him with the tough questions right out of the gate.

Roxie- What’s so tough about that? Is he from Jersey or something?

Sabrina- There are gonna be a lot of tough questions along the way.

Roxie- What are you talking about? (To Peter) And how come you’re just standing there not saying anything?

Sabrina- Er, y’know what? I think I’m gonna go and wash my hair. (On Roxie’s suspicious look) Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do.

She leaves as Roxie turns her full intensity stare onto Peter.

Peter- I’m not saying anything because I’m still trying to figure out how to answer it.

Roxie- Great! Another guy with communication problems.

Peter- No. Look, I wanna open up. Maybe if we slow down, eventually I’d be able to.

Roxie- Sabrina was right. I guess we shouldn’t have gotten so serious so fast.

She takes off the engagement ring and hands it to Peter.

Peter- Probably not, but you know what? I’m gonna put this in a safe place and maybe we can just start all over,

Roxie- I’d like that.

Peter- Hi.

Roxie- Hi.

Peter- I didn’t grow up in Jersey.

Roxie- Well that’s a start.

Peter- Are you free on Friday?

Roxie- Yeah, where do you wanna go?

Peter- Anywhere but Umberto’s. Um, I didn’t pay the cheque.

Smiling they hug and Sabrina sticks her head around the door of her bedroom with her hair suspiciously dry.

Sabrina- Yeah you did, and you left a really nice tip too.

Int. College house later. Sabrina sits expectantly in the counter top as Miles makes a bit more space by pushing a chair out of the way.

Miles- Okay, I’ve got my first recital on Tuesday and I just wanna run through my routine and get your honest opinion.

He turns on the tape deck and stands poised as ‘The dance of the sugarplum fairy’ plays. They he starts to dance... very very badly. Sabrina watches with a fixed smile on her face until he stops.

Miles- (Cont.) So, what d’ya think? Honestly.

Sabrina- Honestly? I think you’re a man of many talents, but dance is not one of them.

Miles- I’d like to see you do better. It’s a lot harder than it looks.

Sabrina- Well, I’ll try.

She hops down from the counter and when Miles turns to turn the tape back on, she points at herself and is suffused in a shower of sparkles. Miles turns back to see Sabrina dance much better that he did and finishing with a long spin.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Phew! You’re right. It’s not as easy as it looks.

Miles- I’m hanging up my tights... Actually, Roxie’s tights.

He goes off to his room despondently. With the room to herself, Sabrina indulges in a little gratuitous ballet for the heck of it.

Run credits.