Written By - Nancy Cohen
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Leonard - John Ducey
Annie - Diana-Marie Riva
Amanda - Emily Hart
Mickey Brentwood - Garry Marshall
Avril Lavigne - Avril Lavigne
Joey Skye - Rich Voll
Kim - Brian Wade
Tatiana - Robyn Moran
Matthew Brann - Matthew Brann
Jesse Colburn - Jesse Colburn
Charles Muniz - Charles Muniz
Evan Taubenfeld - Evan Taubenfeld
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem sits on the counter top watching the girls clearing away supper. Roxie picks up an aerosol cleaner and reads the label.
Morgan- Do you know what we need?
Roxie- An all purpose cleaner that doesnít burn a hole in the ozone.
Morgan- Oh, they should just sew that thing up already!
Sabrina- Okay, but itíll tale a lot longer to get tanned.
Morgan- Look, with out hectic schedules, we really need a maid.
Sabrina- Morgan, we are three healthy, strong young women. We are perfectly capable of cleaning up after ourselves.
Morgan- Oh really? Then why did you go out and buy that dress?
Sabrina looks down at the new, and rather fetching, dress sheís wearing.
Sabrina- I... Well... I, er... I ran out oí clean clothes. All right, we need a maid. Yíknow, Iíll chip in for one but all I can focus on right now is my Joey Skye interview.
Roxie- Who is this Joey Skye?
Sabrina- Heís this great singer I've discovered at the Lush Room. Iím heading down there now. Do you wanna come?
Roxie- Er, no thanks.
Morgan- Me neither. I thought you worked at a hip magazine? Why are you interviewing some old crooner?
Sabrina- Joey Skye is twenty-three and gorgeous!
Morgan- ...Iíll take a quick shower, then Iíll be right down.
She heads upstairs.
Roxie- Well I did shave my legs. Itís a shame to let them go to waste.
She dashes after Morgan leaving Sabrina to deal with the pile of dishes in the sink.
Sabrina- Ew! Pizza does not look good wet!
The room is suddenly full of smoke and after it clears itís full of Sabrinaís, larger than life, cousin, Amanda who is developing the aunt Hilda mode of magic, where the more smoke there is, the more spectacular the entrance.
Sabrina- (Wafting at the smoke) <Cough!> Amanda, is that you?
Amanda- Yeah. You know, Iíve been so bored, I thought Iíd come by and hang with someone cool.
Sabrina- Oh, well Iím kinda busy right now.
Amanda- Actually, er, I was talking about Salem. (To Salem) Hey little buddy.
Salem- <Cough! Cough!> This place is smokier than a bathroom in an all girls school!
Sabrina- Yeah, whatís with the flashy entrance? I mean, you may think coming in here in smoke looks cool but itís a disgusting habit.
Amanda- <Sigh!> Yeah, well remind me to start listening again when the PSAís over.
Sabrina- Youíre right. Iím not your mother, I shouldnít tell you what to do. Oh but put your hair back!
She leans forward and pushes Amandaís bangs behind her ears while Amanda tries to back away.
Sabrina- (Cont.)(Grinning) Why hide such a beautiful face?
Morgan- (OS) Sabrina, are you okay? We smell smoke!
Sabrina zaps the toaster and up pops a couple of pieces of charcoal that used to be bread.
Sabrina- (Calling back upstairs) I burnt some toast! (To Amanda) All right, I gotta go to work. Help yourself to some leftovers.
She indicates the pile of dirty plates in the sink.
Sabrina- (Cont.) And the soup of the day is cream of pizza.
She heads for the living room as Amanda turns her nose up at the offer.
Run opening credits.
Int. The Lush Room. A cabaret club downtown. Lamp lit tables surround a small stage and dance area. Sabrina sits at a front table with Morgan and Roxie enjoying the show. However, itís not Joey Skye thatís up on the stage but, to everyoneís surprise, Avril Lavigne and her band thumping out ĎSk8ter Boií As the song comes to an end with plenty of guitar feedback everyone applauds.
Roxie- I canít believe you didnít tell us Avril Lavigne was gonna be here.
Sabrina- I didnít know. I guess she stopped by to hear Joeyís set.
A handsome, spiky haired, young man strolls up to the table between Roxie and Morgan.
Joey- So am I gonna have to guess which one of you is Sabrina?
Roxie & Morgan- (Together) I am.
Sabrina- Iím Sabrina. These are my friends, Single and Desperate.
She gets withering glares from both Desperate and Single.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Have a seat.
He pulls up a chair between Morgan and Roxie.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Actually, this is Roxie and Morgan.
Joey- Nice to meet you (To Sabrina) So er, whaddya wanna know?
Avril Lavigne walks right passed their table.
Morgan- <Gasp!> That was Avril! Sheís headed for the bathroom. Iím gonna ask her to sign my napkin.
She jumps to her feet and hurries after the diminutive rock chick.
Sabrina- Oh Roxie, please go with her and keep her from crawling under the stall.
Roxie- Youíre right. We donít need a repeat of the Aretha Franklin incident.
Roxie hurries after Morgan leaving Joey alone for Sabrina. She whips out her notebook and pencil.
Joey- So er, what do you wanna talk about?
Sabrina- Okay er, so when did you first start performing?
Joey- First time? Er, Letís see. I sang ĎTwinkle Twinkle Little Starí at my God motherís birthday. I was three.
Sabrina- Oh thatís so cute, and a much better choice than ĎItsy Bitsy Spiderí I mean, between the bugs and the rain itís no wonder that kids stay inside and get fat. So er, whatís your favourite kind oí music to sing?
Joey- Iíd have to say ballads. Yíknow, songs that express that one emotion thatís just more powerful than anything.
Sabrina- Love? Ah yeah. I guess itís been a while and Iím angry about it. So er, where will you be singing next?
Sabrina- No, I mean after tonight?
Sabrina- But what about any upcoming gigs?
A silver haired gentleman in a dapper suit arrives behind Sabrina.
Mickey- (Pointing to the stage) Joey, youíre next.
Joey- Er, Sabrina, this is Mickey Brentwood, the owner of the club.
Sabrina- Oh. Very nice to meet you.
Mickey- Joey tells me youíre a reporter?
Sabrina- Yes, I am.
Mickey- I donít like people who ask a lot of questions, like that Alex Trebecca.
Sabrina- Er, itís Alex Trebek and technically, he asks answers.
Mickey- I donít like people who correct me either. This conversation is over.
He snaps his fingers at Joey.
Mickey- (Cont.) Joey, letís go.
Joey gets up and turns to the stage.
Sabrina- (To Joey) Break a leg!
Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrina closes in while her prey is vulnerable at its watering hole.
Sabrina- Annie, you remember Joey Skye, the new singer Iíve been wanting to write about?
Annie picks up her coffee mug and a muffin.
Annie- Well, since you told me yesterday and Iím not an idiot; yes.
She tries that age old escape technique of walking away but Sabrinaís undaunted by it. She uses her inbred tracking skills to stalk Annie.
Sabrina- Well last night, when I asked him about singing at other clubs, he got really weird and then the owner of the club had a stare down with me! Iím a blinker, so I lost.
Annie- The point?
Finally, Sabrina has the Annie cornered against a desk and goes in for the kill.
Sabrina- Well, I think there might be something going on there. I mean, heís a great singer and he sells the club out but I think itís weird that he doesnít sing anywhere else.
Annie- All right, check it out... but be careful. Nightclub owners can get pretty rough so you might wanna take someone with you.
Sabrina- Annie, are you saying you and I should hang out together?
Annie- Not if we were conjoined at the sternum.
Well clearly vegetarians should never hunt meat eaters. Annie slips away to her office.
Sabrina- (Under her breath) So youíre busy. Maybe some other time.
She finds Leonard waiting at her desk.
Leonard- Sabrina, I couldnít help but hear because... I was eavesdropping, but just so you know, I am an eagle scout and I am more than willing to be your bodyguard.
Sabrina- Well, Leonard...
Leonard- (Interrupting) Check out these guys.
He flexes his biceps.
Leonard- (Cont.) Come on, touch Ďem.
Sabrina- Oh, I would but I think thereís a seven day waiting period. Thanks for the offer.
Leonard- Fine, but just so know, I spent three months as part of a very tough street gang.
Sabrina- (doubtful) Really?
Leonard- Yeah. I was understudy for Riff in West Side Story.
He walks behind her snapping his fingers to the rhythm then turns with his finger pointing like a gun.
Leonard- (Cont.) Pow!
Int. Spellman living room. Roxie enters from the kitchen with a stocky, well built, well fed woman wearing a head scarf and apron and carrying a portable vacuum.
Roxie- Letís talk about the laundry. We use the biodegradable detergent, it doesnít get rid of stains but I feel better about it.
The woman nods her understanding and gets straight to work whisking the shelf unit as Morgan comes down stairs in her dressing gown.
Morgan- Morning Roxie. Oh, whoís this?
Roxie- She is out new cleaning lady, Tatiana. Sheís Ukrainian.
Morgan- Tatiana. What a pretty name for someone so... squat.
Tatiana smiles and nods showing that she has little understanding of English.
Morgan- (Cont.) How do you do?
Tatiana- Dust, then laundry.
Morgan- Good. (To Roxie) I hired someone too. I found her name on a flier.
The doorbell rings.
Morgan- (Cont.) In fact, thatís probably her right now. (To Tatiana, with sign language) But donít you worry. I will tell Kim the job is already taken. Me mess a soo mess.
Tatiana nods and smiles as Morgan goes to answer the door. Her eyeís widen with delight at the tall, muscular, handsome man whoís stood there.
Kim- Hi, Iím Kim.
Morgan just stands staring with her mouth open.
Kim- (Cont.) Of Kimís Cleaning?
He holds up a box of cleaning supplies as a hint.
Morgan- (Calling out) Tatiana, youíre fired!
Int. Eveís Diner. Sabrina and Joey sit face to face in a booth eating fries, sipping on milk shakes and continuing their interview.
Joey- In the future, er please donít call me at the club?
Sabrina- Why not?
Sabrina- Because why?
Sabrina- Okay, can we throw in some verbs and nouns? So, um, tell me about your relationship with Mickey Brentwood?
Joey- Itís fine. What else do you wanna know?
Sabrina- Well what would happen if you sang somewhere other than The Lush Room?
Joey- Next question.
Sabrina- Are you being forced to sing there exclusively?
Joey- Pass the salt please?
Sabrina- Pass the... <Gasp!> Oh, is that code?
Joey- Yeah. Itís code for I need salt on my fries.
She gives him the salt seller.
Sabrina- Okay, how about this? If youíre being forced to sing at The Lush Room, nod your head.
He picks up a fry and pops it into his mouth looking up nervously then quickly down at his plate..
Sabrina- (Cont.) Is that nodding or eating? Oh my gosh! Are you being forced to eat too?
He doesnít respond.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, how about we try something else. (Picking up the condiments) Er, if you were ketchup and you wanted to leave mustard to go across town to salt and pepper, not the little sassy pop duo, these little guys, what would happen?
Joey picks up the ketchup and gives it a squeeze causing a spurt of the red stuff to spray out of the top.
Sabrina- (Shocked) Oh!
Joey- Now do you get it?
Sabrina- Yeah. I feel so bad for you. (Looking at the spilled ketchup) I mean, not to mention the busboy. I canít believe youíre being threatened. Thatís so unfair. You should be free to sing wherever you want. Joey, you have to let me write this up.
Joey- ...Okay. Okay, but you have to promise me, you didnít hear any of this from me.
Sabrina- My lips are sealed... First, Iím going to finish these fries but then my lips are so sealed.
With a nod and a smile he gets up and leaves. Sabrina pops another French Fry into her mouth as a grey haired man wearing dark glasses and a baseball cap turns in the booth behind her and taps her on her shoulder. She turns to find herself face to face with...
Mickey- If you print that story, youíll never work again. You know what Iím saying, blonde person?
He gets up and leaves.
Sabrina- Yeah, youíre saying you had onions for lunch.
She turns back to her fries having suddenly lost her appetite for them... and not because of the onion breath.
Int. Spellman living room. Morganís sat on the settee with her feet up absently scratching Salemís neck with a fixed, half dazed smile on her face. Roxie enters and fans herself with her hand.
Roxie- Whyís it so hot in here?
She walks over to the thermostat on the wall and checks it.
Roxie- (Cont.) Morgan, you have it set on ninety-five!
Morgan- I really didnít notice.
But Roxie suddenly notices that Kim is whisking the curtains and, because of the heat, has taken his shirt off. Muscles ripple with every move.
Morgan- (Cont.) Ah Kim. Kim, donít forget to dust the top of the drapes.
Kim- No problem.
Morgan watches him stretch up to reach.
Roxie- I canít believe you!
Morgan- What? I am watching a professional at work, and believe me, youíre little soviet shot-putter couldnít have reached up there.
Roxie- All Iím saying is... Whoa! He got the gunk out of the remote.
She picks up the TV remote from the coffee table.
Roxie- (Cont.) I can watch TV in English again.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Roxie and Salem have retreated to where itís cooler and Roxie shares a chilled cola with Sabrina whose working on her story at the table.
Sabrina- So it turns out Mickey Brentwood is forcing Joey to only sing at The Lush Room.
Roxie- And Mickeyís the guy who threatened you?
Sabrina nods yes.
Roxie- (Cont.) Are you sure you wanna go ahead with this story?
Sabrina- Absolutely! Itís an incredible scoop!
Roxie- Oh I donít like this. Youíve been threatened by a nightclub owner. Donít you watch HBO?
Sabrina- What are you saying? Iím going to be sleeping with the fishes? Wearing a cement overcoat? Have a boulder dropped on me from an overpass?... Oh right, thatís from The Roadrunner.
Roxie- All right, fine but if Wily Coyote tries to flatten you with an Acme anvil, donít come running to me.
She gets up and leaves and a second later the room is full of choking smoke and somewhere in there is Amanda.
Amanda- Hey. Want to join me for an emergency trip to Paris for silver hooped earrings?
Sabrina- (Wafting at the smoke) Er, no thanks. It already feels like a French bistro in here. Besides, Iím working on an article.
Amanda- Ugh! Snooze.
Salem- Actually, not, for a change. You see this thug nightclub owner threatened our little Lois Lame over here...
Sabrina points across at him and his head falls off.
Salem- Whoa! I hate it when you cut me off.
Sabrina- (To Amanda) Itís a bad time. You go ahead.
Amanda- Itís always a bad time for you. Au revoir!
Sabrina- Without all the...
Sabrina- (Cont.) ...Smoke! <Coach! Cough!> Oh, the kid should come with a warning label. (Wafting again) Gross!
Salem- Speaking of gross. Headless cat at four oíclock!
Sabrina points again and the head jumps back onto Salemís neck.
Sabrina- Sorry, but I donít want Amanda knowing anything about this situation with Mickey Brentwood.
Salem- Ah, so you are worried.
Sabrina- I have nothing to worry about! You donít believe me? Weíll take a little trip to the future and Iíll prove it.
Salem- Cool! Road trip!
Sabrina waves her finger and the microwave door springs open, Sabrina and Salem dissolve into a sparkling swirl and shoot into the cooker. Itís amazing what technology is capable of these days. Not only can a microwave transport you through the time/space continuum but a baked potato in five minutes! Thatís magic.
Int. The hall of rest at the Westbridge funeral parlour. Sabrina and Salem materialise in sparkly fashion. Sabrina looks around, confused.
Sabrina- Where are we?
Salem- I donít know
He looks about himself at the sombre surroundings.
Salem- (Cont.) But, apparently, in the future, you have a bad den.
Sabrina spots a coffin at the other end of the room.
Sabrina- O-oh! It looks like someone we know dies.
She walks down to take a look totally unprepared for what sheís about to see.
Sabrina- (Cont.) <Gasp!> Whoa! When he said Iíd never work again he meant not even part time!
She can only stand and stare in horrified fascination at the still, peaceful looking form of herself lying in the coffin.
Int. Scorch Magazine. Sabrinaís following Annie around the office once again.
Annie- Let me get this straight. You were all excited about doing the article this morning. Now, you donít wanna write it?
Sabrina- Well itís not that I donít wanna write it. Itís just that er... This is kind of a left brain type article and I just happened to sleep on my left side last night and that side of my brain is really numb, so the right side is feeling bitter and neglected...
Annie- (Interrupting) Oh, canít you just call in sick like normal people?
Sabrina- Well that would be a left brain function, so...
Annie- (Interrupting) No, stop! Stop! Iíll assign it to someone.
Sabrina- Great!... No, not great! Very bad! Look, I canít put this off on someone else. Iíll write the article.
Annie- Fine! But you and all your little voices better get to work. This issueís going to press tomorrow so you are on hard deadline, missy! Iíll line up a photo shoot.
She goes off to her office.
Sabrina- (To Herself) Two words I donít need to hear: ĎDeadí and ĎShootí. Iím not too crazy about ĎMissyí either.
She walks over to Leonardís desk.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey Leonard. Um, I think Iíll take you up on that bodyguard offer.
Leonard- Oh terrific. You can call me anytime you want.
Sabrina- I really appreciate it.
Leonard- Yíknow, just not mornings between eight and nine fifteen, I hit the gym... and midday is bad, I usually have a lunch... and not er nights, after ten.
Sabrina- Why not?
Leonard- Iím bathing Nana.
Sabrina- Please tell me Nanaís your dog?
Int. Spellman kitchen. Morgan has found herself a fulltime job. Watching Kim work. At the moment heís flexing his muscles unblocking the sink with a plunger when Roxie comes from the living room.
Roxie- Itís six thirty. Whatís he still doing here?
Morgan- The sink needed plunging! I guess thereís a clog in the drain.
With an extra flex, something comes free. I high healed red shoe.
Kim- This was stuck in here.
Morgan- Huh, I was wrong. It wasnít a clog, it was a pump.
Kim- Listen, Morgan, before I go. You know how you were staring at me all day?
Roxie- Oh no, here we go. (To Morgan) Sexual harassment goes both ways, yíknow.
Kim- I was wondering if youíd be interested in going out with me? I have to work tomorrow but maybe we can do lunch?
Morgan- Sounds fantastic.
He picks up his box of supplies and leaves. Morgan grins from ear to ear as she twirls a matching red pump in her fingers.
Morgan- Sexual Harassment?... like a fox!
Int. Sabrinaís bedroom. Sabrina types away on her laptop as Salem sits and watches.
Salem- Are you crazy? Youíve found out youíre gonna get bumped off and youíre still writing this article?
Sabrina- Look, Iíll worry about my article, you worry about... coyotes.
Another ball of thick smoke suddenly engulfs the bedroom.
Salem- <Cough! Cough! Cough!>
From its depths emerges Amanda.
Sabrina- (Wafting) Will you stop with the smoke?! And donít you have an alchemy final tomorrow?
Amanda- Whoa! Who died and made you my boss?
Salem- Funny you should mention dying...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) Salem!
Amanda- What? Okay, something weird is going on.
Salem- I think you should tell her. You know, so someone can call the police besides the cat.
Sabrina- (Giving in) All right. Itís possible that thereís some connection between writing this story and my untimely, youthful death. (Quick subject change) Ooh, I love those earrings, are they from Paris?
Amanda- Wait a minute, youíre gonna die?!
Salem- Hey Sabrina, if you bite the dust, can I have your red silk robe? It makes me feel like a pretty kitty.
Amanda- You canít write that article, Sabrina!
Sabrina- Oh Iíll be fine. Itís nothing to worry about.
Amanda- But youíll be dead! And buried! A corps! Worm food!
Sabrina- Okay, when you put it like that it is a bit of a downer.
Salem- Look, if youíre hell bent of writing this piece, at least protect yourself. Change the names.
Sabrina- No! I canít do that. Iím going to tell the truth because Iím a journalist and a real journalist uses real names.
Int. Scorch Magazine. Annie reads through Sabrinaís article.
Annie- You changed the names?
Sabrina- I had to, to protect my sources.
Annie- So our sources will be safe but our readers will be bored.
Sabrina- Oh well we donít want to distract from the ads, do we?
Annie- Well Iíll print it but only because I have to fill the space... but I am not happy.
She goes off to her office.
Sabrina- (Calling after) You donít understand! I had to change the names!
Annie doesnít so much as turn her head.
Sabrina- (Cont.)(Under her breath) I think.
She walks into the kitchen area where a convenient time machine is situated.
Sabrina- (Cont.) By using pseudonyms instead, will I end up alive or dead?
She points at the microwave and in the class front she sees and image of herself lying peacefully in her coffin.
Sabrina- (Angry) Well at least my coffin is microwave safe! So he plans on killing me anyway, well he doesnít know who heís dealing with!
She storms across the office to intercept Annie whoís prowling the office again.
Sabrina- Annie! Print the article with the real names!
Annie- Are you sure?
Sabrina- Yes! Do it before I change my mind.
She turns back to her office.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Donít do it! Yes do it! Go! Start the presses!
Annie finally gets away and Sabrina makes her way back to her desk feeling very tense. Leonard hopes to relax her by placing a bouquet of flowers on her desk.
Leonard- Flower delivery, mílady. It looks like you have a secret admirer besides me... Oops, now itís not a secret.
She picks them up and pulls back the paper to admire the roses.
Sabrina- <Gasp!> Black roses?
Thereís a card.
Sabrina- (Reading) ĎI hope you like this arrangement; donít forget ours. Mickeyí
She drops the flowers in her trashcan.
Leonard- Are you in some kind of trouble?
Sabrina- Er, Leonard, I never thought Iíd say this but um, do you wanna come home with me tonight?
Leonard- Tonight? (Clears his throat) Er, oh, I-I canít. itís er...
He checks his watch as he backs away.
Leonard- (Cont.) Whoo, spinning class, yíknow, er... Iíll be too... dizzy.
Heís backed away far enough to make a break for the door and in a moment heís gone.
Sabrina- Okay, well any other secret admirers wanna come home with me tonight?
Many big strapping lads in the office and all of them are giving Sabrina a wide berth.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Er, any professional wrestlers? Thai kick boxers? Anyone with superhero pyjamas?
All the brave talking guys in the office are now noticeable by their absence.
Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina has, at least, got home safely and her bodyguard, Roxie, reads the article from the copy of Scorch that Sabrina has brought with her.
Roxie- (Reading) Ď...And so, due to this immoral contract, the only place the uber talented Joey Skye will see his star rise is over The Lush Room.í I hope you know what youíre doing?
Sabrina- I do... except for the Ďuberí thing.
Morgan gets home from her date with Kim.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Wow! Speaking of Ďuberí thing, who is that?
Roxie- That is our new maid.
Sabrina- Morganís dating the help?
Kim takes off his jacket.
Sabrina- Oh, now it makes sense.
Morgan- (To Kim) Well thanks for lunch. Iíll see you around.
She holds out her hand very formally. He takes it in his.
Kim- Oh, all right. Oh wait! You have some dirt under your right nail. Hold on.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out just the right tool for cleaning under finger nails.
Morgan- Er thanks again. Bye-bye.
Kim- Oh, You have some schmuts on your face! Iíll get it.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a handkerchief, spits on it and moves to wipe it off but he pauses and looks into Morganís eyes.
Kim- (Cont.) You know, while Iím here, I would love to work on these pores?
Morgan- (Pushing his handkerchief aside) Oh, that is it! Get out!
Kim- Canít we make a plan for next time?
Morgan- No we canít! You are too obsessed with you work! You are the only guy who has ever asked me to take off my clothes so he can iron them! Good-bye!
She pushes him out the door and slams it shut on him.
Morgan- (Cont.) Roxie, get me the name of that squat uranium lady!
She stomps off upstairs followed by Roxie. Sabrina sits bemused wondering what the heck a uranium lady is. A large billow of smoke cuts her pondering short and after sheís wafted some of it aside, she finds, her young cousin, Amanda.
Sabrina- <Cough! Cough!>
Amanda- I was so worried about you, Sabrina. I donít want you to die.
Sabrina- <Cough! Cough!> Donít worry, nobodyís dying. <Cough! Cough!> Some of us are chocking.
Amanda- But Iím really worried about you.
Sabrina- Look, I can keep Mickey Brentwood from knocking me off. Iíll just lay low and stay out of dangerous situations. Iíll be fine. Really.
Amanda look unconvinced.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Díyou wanna sleep over?
Later. Sabrina and Amanda are sitting reading magazines together when a shadow of a gun appears on the cushion beside Sabrina. She jumps with fright right into Amandaís lap. They both look over to see Morgan drying her hair in front of the mirror.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Amanda and Sabrina sit at the table doing a crossword. Sabrina dives under the table at the rat-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat of the Tommy gun. Roxie takes her back of popcorn from the microwave and offers them around.
Int. Sabrinaís bedroom. Sabrina awakes in the morning feeling something in the bed with her. She pulls back the duvet to find Salemís head beside he in a large pool of blood. She screams... Salem screams and she sees that he does indeed look a pretty kitty in her red silk robe.
Sabrina- Thatís it! Iím getting dressed and going down there. Iím not going to let that thug intimidate me!
Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes down stairs dressed and ready for action. Amanda, who has slept on the settee, wakes.
Amanda- Whatís going on?
Sabrina- Amanda, itís time to face my fears. Iím going to The Lush Room for a sit down with the enemy.
Amanda- (Leaping up) Ah-ha! Not without me! Hang on, Iíll get dressed.
She runs up stairs as Sabrina opens the front door.
Sabrina- Well make it fast because I wanna get right down there and tell that ignorant swaggering goon that he better back off!
She turns to see the ignorant swaggering goon standing at the door.
Sabrina- (Cont.) But Iíll tell Mickey Brentwood that heís absolutely charming.
He waves a rolled up copy of Scorch Magazine under her nose making her back off as he enters. Salem sits on the stairs watching.
Mickey- Spellman, youíve done me a great dishonour by printing this.
He runs off upstairs as Mickey continues to force Sabrina back.
Sabrina- Look, Iím really sorry but I had to. Joey Skyeís a very talented singer!
She can only back so far into the living room before coming into contact with some furniture. She falls backwards over the arm of the settee and ends up with Mickey looking down at her.
Sabrina- (Cont.) I mean, The Lush Room is lovely and the ciders to die for... so to speak, but holding him back is so wrong!
Mickey- Youíre trying to ruin me, arenít you? (Throwing down the magazine) Youíre going to ruin me!
Sabrina- No, Iím not trying to ruin anybody. I-I just think Joey should be free to live his own life.
Mickey- Itís very tough out there. Theyíll eat him alive!
Sabrina- Oh like you care about that! Heís youíre canolli ticket you big meatball!
She jumps to her feet and gets in his face.
He gets right back into hers and she ends up sat down again looking up at him.
Sabrina- Sorry, Iím hungry.
Mickey- Iím just trying to protect him, thatís all!
Sabrina- Oh what are you, his mother? (On his look) I-I mean, his father?
All the hardness and toughness slips from his features leaving just a concerned old man.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh my gosh, you are his father! Why doesnít he tell people youíre related?
Mickey- ĎCause I talk funny or somethiní Maybe heís embarrassed? <Sob!>
Sabrina- Oh, donít cry or Iíll be embarrassed of you too.
She gently sits him down and gets him a tissue.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Here.
Mickey- Oh, thank you very much.
Sabrina- Whatís the worst that could happen if he sings at other clubs?
Mickey- Heíll desert me! Yíknow, heíll-heíll go to his fancy shmancy auditoriums, heíll get a record deal, heíll go on that MTV plugged up.
Sabrina- Those are good things.
Mickey- Okay-okay. Iím afraid heíll forget about his papa.
Sabrina- Mickey, you canít let your fears run your life. I mean, sure, Joeyíll probably go out on his own but heíll come back and visit for weekends and national holidays.
Mickey- You think? I hope so.
He gets to his feet.
Mickey- (Cont.) This was good. I feel much better. Thank you very much and er, now, what can I do for you?
Sabrina- Er... please donít kill me?
Mickey- (Laughing) What is that?
He takes hold of her face in his hands squeezing her lips into a pout.
Mickey- You think I would hurt someone so beautiful?
Sabrina- I would hope not!
Mickey- (Releasing her) Thanks for the tissues.
He puts the used one into her hand. She makes a ĎYuck!í face, throws the tissue away and wipes her hand on her pants.
Mickey- (Cont.) Hey.
He slips his arm round her shoulder making her jump.
Mickey- (Cont.) Someday youíre going to get married and Iím gonna give you a very good rate on my big room, okay?
She laughs nervously.
Mickey- (Cont.) Iím a softy.
He heads for the door and yells to his driver.
Mickey- Hey, open the car door, Iím comminí out! Why are you just standiní around?
Sabrina- Nice guy. He taught me a lot.
Amanda comes dashing down stairs dressed with Salem at her heals.
Amanda- Okay, letís go down to that club and witch-slap this guy.
Sabrina- Oh, we donít have to go. He was just here.
Amanda- What?! What happened? Are you okay?
Sabrina- Iím fine. Itís all taken care of. He wonít be bothering me any more.
Amanda- (Hugging Sabrina) Oh Iím so relieved.
Sabrina slips her arm around her cousinís shoulder.
Sabrina- Yíknow, we should make it a point to hang out more often... and not just when one of our lives is at stake.
Amanda- Yeah, Iíd like that.
Salem- Far be it from me to break up this love fest, but you still donít know how you die.
Sabrina- I donít die anymore. I changed my destiny. Mickey likes me now. Iím getting married in the big room.
Amanda- Yeah, but what if Salemís right?
Sabrina- Look, relax guys. Iíll ping us into the future and show you.
She points. What VCRís as well! Iíve done all these from a VCR and all Iíve ever managed to do with time is waste it! Sabrina takes Amanda and Salem into the machine with her.
Int. The chapel of rest, Westbridge Funeral Parlour. Itís full of people dressed in black. Leonard weeps into his hanky beside Annie who is tapping away on her palm-pilot when Sabrina enters. Fortunately no one looks round or they might have found the site of Sabrina at her own funeral a little strange. Particularly her two closest friends who are stood up by the coffin dabbing at their eyes.
Morgan- All this time and I didnít even know she was a smoker. <Sob!>
Roxie- She wasnít. <Sniff!> Didnít you hear what the doctor said?
Morgan- No. Although I did notice he wasnít wearing a wedding ring.
Roxie- Morgan, she died of second hand smoke.<Sniff! Sniff!>
Morgan- But we donít smoke! <Sniff!> It must have been someone from work.
Sabrina- (To Amanda) Or from somewhere else!
Amanda- I am so sorry. No more smoke, I promise.
Amanda- (Looking at the coffin) I hate to see you like this.
Sabrina- Hey, donít forget. Yíknow, Iím half mortal but Iím also half witch, so it could be centuries before I actually die... But when I do; promise not to bury my with my bra strap showing.
That earns her a dig from her cousin.
Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina and Roxie are sat on one settee reading while Morgan sits in the other watching TV. Tatiana, the Ukrainian maid enters pushing the vacuum, (Not Sabrinaís flying one.)
Tatiana- Is very hot in here! Mind if I take shirt off?
Roxie- (Absently) No.
With a nod, she does. She starts her vacuum and gets to work. Despite themselves, the girls can't resist looking.
Morgan- <Sigh!> Itís just not the same, is it?
They all turn back to what they were doing.