You Slay Me

Written By - Dan Kael
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Aaron - Dylan Neal
Cinderella - Susan Yeagley
Saleslady #1 - Tami Anderson
Saleslady #2 - Trisha Hart
Young Bride To Be - Kerry Sable
Tan Woman - Stacey Ann Hollenberg

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Morgan sits at the table reading while Roxie peels an orange at the counter. Sabrina and Aaron enter smiling.

Sabrina- Well you’ll be happy to know that Aaron and I have finally picked the place to have our wedding.

Morgan- (Excited) The Ritz? The Four Seasons?

Sabrina- The back yard.

Morgan- (Deflated) Oh... Well, that’s very... I though Aaron had money?

Aaron- He does... but Sabrina and I decided on having a simple, unpretentious wedding.

Sabrina- Yes. We just want to exchange our vows in an intimate setting surrounded by only family and friends and, y’know’ the people we invited just for gifts.

Roxie- Have you thought of professing your love naked under an old elm tree surrounded by mother earth’s beauty?

Sabrina- Well, we checked but mother earth is booked solid.

Aaron- (Thoughtful) Y’know, that naked under the elm tree thing...?

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Forget it!

Run opening credits.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina and Aaron have adjourned to the living room for a cuddle. Morgan joins Roxie and chooses an orange.

Morgan- They can have their simple trailer park wedding but I am going to throw her a first class bridal shower.

Roxie- You’re planning a shower for Sabrina?

Morgan- Yep.

Roxie- But that’s the maid of honours job and she hasn’t even picked one yet.

Morgan- Well, I think we know who that’s going to be, Miss Earth Mother. So, I’m sending out the invitations tomorrow.

Roxie- Oh, it’s gonna be tough to send out invitations when I have her address book.

She reaches into her shoulder bag and pulls out the said book.

Morgan- I have been looking all over for that!

Roxie- Sorry, but my invitations are already stamped and ready to go.

She hands Morgan an invitation.

Morgan- I can’t believe this! Casual? Who raised you?

Int. Spellman living room. Cuddle over, Aaron gets back to doing what men do by getting settled in the comfy chair and turning the TV on, while Sabrina starts doing what women do; Sorting through her bridal magazines.

Sabrina- Okay, ‘Today’s Bride’, ‘Modern Bride’, ‘Bridal Path’... I thought she looked a little horsy. Okay, let’s head out.

Aaron- (Indicating the TV) What? Head out?

Sabrina- Yeah, to the bridal faire. I thought we could knock off all of our wedding preparations in one afternoon.

Aaron- A bridal faire? But why do I have to go?

Sabrina- Because there’s no such thing as a groomal faire. Look, this is our wedding. Don’t you think we should make every decision together?

She pick up the TV remote and unilaterally makes the decision to turn off the TV.

Aaron- But I’ll be the only guy there!

Sabrina- <Tsk!> No you wont.

Int. The Bridal Faire. Booth, kiosks and displays abound with a strong marital theme. Wedding cakes, dresses, corsages, flowers. You name it and it’s there. The crowd of visitors wonder from exhibit to exhibit often having to move around the solitary male in the room who stands in arms crossed boredom.

Sabrina- How about that? You’re the only guy here.

She grins mischievously and goes off to look at some tiaras.

Aaron- Y’know, I can’t believe this place. It’s as big as the auto show, only with... tones of things I don’t care about.

Sabrina- Oh, come on. How can you not care about tiaras?

Aaron- (Laughing) You’re not really gonna wear one of those, are you?

Sabrina- (Putting one on) Why not? This way I can, not only, be the centre of attention but I can also be the centrepiece.

Aaron- Yeah, and you could always wear it backwards. (He turns it around on her head) Yeah, very hip-hop.

She puts down the tiara when she spies a beautiful dress. She hurries over.

Sabrina- Hello, welcome to taffeta town. Oh, look at how big this thing is! I mean, you could married in it and then have the reception underneath it.

Aaron- Ha-ha. Yeah, with a fairly decent sized dance floor.

A young girl storms passed yelling at her mother.

Young Bride To Be- (Furious) I said Ivory! Not off white! Not ecru! Why is everyone conspiring against me?

The mother trails behind her with a resigned expression on her face.

Aaron- Sabrina, if I haven’t said it lately, I am very glad to be marrying you.

Sabrina- Thank you. (They kiss) And no, you can’t go wait in the car.

Aaron- Worth a shot.

Sabrina- Check out this monstrosity!

It’s another dress for extreme nuptials.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, I’ve gotta try it on, just for a laugh.

She takes it from the rack and is surprised by the wait.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ooh, and a little exercise.

She heads for the changing cubicles.

Aaron- (Panicking) Wait, you’re not going to leave me out here alone, are you? I mean, what am I supposed to do?

Sabrina- Hold my purse.

Int. Changing cubicles. A saleslady is concerned at the amount of time Sabrina is taking in the cubicle.

Saleslady #1- Would you like some help?

Sabrina- (OS) Er, nah, I think we’ve got it... or it’s got me.

The cubicle door open a white dalek glides out with Sabrina’s glittering white torso poking out of the top.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Gah! Giant doily coming through.

Saleslady #1- You look beautiful.

Sabrina- I look ridiculous. I feel like a giant blimp on her way to cotillion. Aaron's gonna get such a...

She catches sight of herself in a large, full-length mirror. No matter how ridiculous it may feel or how heavy it might be, there is no denying the stunning effect the gown has.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh my gosh! I’m a princess!

Saleslady #1- Would you like to see the matching veil?

Sabrina- (Excited) It comes with a veil?!

She looks over her shoulder at her ravishing image in the mirror and even bats her eyelashes.

Int. Spellman living room. Plans are being made, even with a maid.

Morgan- So, I thought, for the shower, we could do an high tea with a assorted finger sandwiches followed by parlour games?

Roxie- I think we should have a goddess festival. We could bead bracelets, give each other henna tattoos, sing folk songs...

Morgan- (Interrupting) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Hold on, sister moon. If I am gonna let you help me plan this shower...

Roxie- (Interrupting back) Help you? I’m letting you help me. Besides, I think I know Sabrina better than you, which is why she’s gonna pick me as her maid of honour.

Morgan- Oh, you’ve got the maid part right.

Sabrina enters followed by a pile of shopping bags. Somewhere beneath them is Aaron and if the bags are heavy he can at least take comfort in how light his wallet has become.

Sabrina- Oh this is great. Not only am I getting a husband but I’m getting a sherpa.

He puts down the bags as Roxie and Morgan swoop on them.

Roxie- Wow, that’s a whole lot o’ simple going on.

Aaron- Yeah. Simple went out with the six foot cherub ice sculpture. (On Sabrina’s look) But if you’re happy then I’m happy.

Sabrina- I’m ecstatic.

They kiss.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay, you’re officially released. Go be a guy... but only to a certain point.

Aaron- I’m on it.

He leaves before she changes her mind.

Roxie- Sabrina, what happened?

Sabrina- Well I got to thinking. You know, a wedding is really for the guests. So what kind of hostess would I be if I didn’t give them a little show? A little razzle dazzle? A little... napkin folded like a swan?

She pulls one out of a bag.

Morgan- Thank goodness you’ve come around. I mean, how many times does a girl get to walk down isle? Two, three times tops.

Sabrina- Wait until you see my veil! It’s like a mini gown for my head!

She grabs the bags and runs upstairs with them. Morgan claps her hands in delight while Roxie looks less than happy with this turn of events.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina enters with her goodies

Sabrina- Salem, I’ve seen the future and it’s me dressed as a princess.

Salem- And I’ve had the very same dream... about you. Wait! That didn’t sound right either.

Sabrina- You know, I realise, this wedding is going to set the tone for our whole fairytale life together. I mean without the poisoned apples and singing dwarfs.

Salem- Just to clarify, I don’t dream about you and dresses all the time.

Sabrina- There’s so much to do I don’t know where to start. I mean, I have to book a ballroom, a caterer, musicians. You know, how do you even start to plan a fairytale wedding?

Salem- At the beginning! Once upon a time there was a handsome young cat.

Sabrina- What I need to do is talk to a real princess. Oh, of course.

She points and sun lounger with a bikini clad and tanned young women stretched out on it appears amongst a swirl of sparkles. A drink in one hand and a cell phone in the other.

Tan Woman- (Whining down the phone) Daddy, please! Don’t take away my gold card!

Sabrina- Wrong kind of princess.

She points and the spoiled brat is gone.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I swear, spells like that are just designed to help keep the magic book publishers in business. (Opening said magic book) Okay, princess. Let’s see.

She turns a page and a pop-up fairytale castle um... pops up.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh. Hey, look at this. Cinderella, perfect.

A tiny figure in a beautiful white ball gown steps out of the pop-up castles door and looks up and Sabrina and her cat.

Cinderella- Hello.

She turns into a ball of bright light, does a figure eight tour of the room before coalescing into a full sized fairytale princess.

Cinderella- Cinderella Charming.

Sabrina- Sabrina, Frantic. So, you took your husbands name?

Cinderella- Um, I’m a traditionalist, plus, my maiden name was Schniburger.

Sabrina- Ooh, good call. So, I was hoping you would help me. See, I’m trying to plan the perfect fairytale wedding with all the trimmings. Doves, wandering minstrels...

Cinderella- (Interrupting) Gilded carriage with coachmen?

Sabrina- Er, I don’t think Aaron’s gonna go for that. He’s talking about having his brother drive us in his minivan.

Cinderella- Oh, first mistake. You’re the bride; this is your special day. You’ve got to insist on getting everything you want and the rest will fall into place.

Sabrina- So you really think it’s possible for me to have the wedding of my dreams?

Cinderella- Honey, I was a chimneysweep who married a prince, so anything’s possible. Just remember, it’s your day.

Sabrina- I’ll do that. Thanks Cindy.

Cinderella- Any problems, you know where to find me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a man coming to dredge the moat.

With a giggle she returns to her pop-up castle in a ball of light.

Sabrina- A moat? I’d like a moat!

Int. Eve’s Diner. Sabrina is sat with headphones on listening to overly loud music while frantically scribbling in her planner. Aaron tries to get her attention from the other side of the table with little success. So he reaches across and removes the headphones.

Aaron- So what do you think? They’re great, huh?

Sabrina- (Distracted) They’re great. Very heavy, very metal. So, er, let’s talk food. Now, a buffet is easier but a sit down dinner is so much classier. Oh, and then there’s the whole super salad quandary. This would be so much easier with a fairy godmother. (On Aaron’s look) Industry slang for a wedding planner.

Aaron- Whatever you want... but, er, what about the band?

Sabrina- For the wedding? Well if you think they can handle ‘Sun rise sun set’

Aaron- But I thought we agreed to go a little non-traditional with the music? And that I could pick the entertainment?

Sabrina- But...! (On his puppy dog eyes) All right, we did agree. They’ll be fine.

They both lean over the table and kiss. When Sabrina sits back she notices a strange image in the mirrored side of the napkin holder. It Cinderella.

Cinderella- Hey, it’s your special day, Sabrina. Insist on what you want.

The image fades away.

Sabrina- Actually, what I meant was no, they won’t be fine.

Aaron sits back surprised by her vehemence.

Int. The florist. The florist shows Sabrina a beautiful bouquet but her delighted smile quickly fades to a scowl and she waves it away gesturing to Aaron that it was too small.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina watches a young girl with a basket of rose petals walk along throwing them down inelegantly. Sabrina pushes her aside and takes the basket to show how it should be done. The little girl folds her arms, scowls, stamps her foot and leaves. Sabrina mocks her scowl and continues to spread petals all over the living room floor.

Int. The florists. Sabrina holds a much bigger bouquet. Aaron nods at the florist but when he sees Sabrina’s face he shakes his head instead. Sabrina hands the bouquet back to the florist.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina watches closely as the chef pipes coloured icing flowers onto the top tier of the wedding cake. Sabrina, smiling, takes the piping bag from the chef and pipes the word ‘NO’ onto the cake. The chef throws his hat to the floor and storms out. Sabrina shrugs.

Int. The florists. The florist and Aaron stand on either side if a huge bouquet. Sabrina is lost somewhere behind it. She picks it up by its trunk and discovers that it’s not a bouquet but a whole rose bush complete with roots. The florist and Aaron struggle to maintain the deadpan expressions.

Int. Spellman living room. Morgan and Roxie sit in mute amazement as Sabrina yells down the phone.

Sabrina- (On phone) No, listen to me! I want doves! And I want them painted blue!... Well how long do they live normally?

Morgan- (To Roxie) I’m all for yelling at service people but when you make them cry they’re useless for hours.

Sabrina- (On phone) Oh, quit your sniffling and just get the job done!

She turns off her cell phone with a snap.

Sabrina- Morgan, I thought you said you were going to help me pick out table cloth colours?

Morgan- Well I’ve got swatches, but now that you’re going with blue doves, I’m not sure if they’re right.

Sabrina- (Looking to the heavens) I ask for so little. Speaking of which. (To Roxie) You, where are you with our vows?

Roxie- I’m working on a draft but I may need to rewrite it. It’s filled with words like ‘Love’ and ‘Compassion’

Sabrina- I am surrounded by incompetent people!

Roxie- (Angry) Who are doing the best they can! Why are you acting like this?

Morgan- Yeah! We’re breaking our necks trying to help you with your wedding!

Sabrina- Oh, well breaking your necks doesn’t help me! Busting your butts would. I’ve seen you two sweat more looking for the remote!

Sabrina cell phone rings.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(On phone) What?!... No!... No! Unacceptable!... Well, somebody’s going to have to rethink his priorities, reverend!

She storms from the room.

Roxie- (To Morgan) You know, I really think you should take the credit for this shower. Like you said, you two are so much closer friends.

Morgan- Oh-no-no-no-no-no. If anyone should be the maid of honour, it’s you. So I am just gonna step back and let you take the bullet... I mean, credit.

Aaron enters through the front door.

Aaron- Hey. Is Sabrina around?

Sabrina- (OS)(On phone) Why am I even speaking to you? Put the bishop on!

Aaron- Ah, there’s the shrill cry of my beloved now.

Roxie- So when are you guys planning on getting your own place?

Aaron- Look, I know that Sabrina’s been acting a little crazy lately, but maybe we should cut her some slack. I mean, all brides get stressed out like this before their wedding, right? (On their lack of response) Please say yes.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina’s off the phone and has overheard the end of Roxie and Aaron’s conversation. She turns to Salem, whose sat on the table with a bowl of cereal.

Sabrina- Did you hear them? I mean, is it too much to ask for the perfect storybook wedding?

Salem- Sabrina, I hate to say it but you really are turning into a monster.

Sabrina- I am not a monster! I am a princess!

Flames roar from her mouth as an added exclamation to the word ‘princess’. She turns and smashes the French windows out of their frames with a slap and leaves. The smell of singed fur pervades the kitchen as Salem lies on the chard tablecloth with his bowl of overcooked Cheerios.

Salem- <Cough!> I stand corrected. <Cough! Cough!>

Int. The Bridal Faire. Changing cubicles. Salem, who has followed Sabrina is sat watching her try on the wedding dress she’d tried before. But the sleeves are too billowy, the waist is too narrow, the hem is too long. In fact...

Sabrina- Grrr! This dress is all wrong!

Salem- Hey, Bridezilla! Take it down a notch.

Sabrina- Listen, nobody asked you to come down here, Mister Nagalot!

She flares off another blast of napalm breath in his direction. He cowers away.

Saleslady #1- (OS) Is everything okay in there?

Sabrina- No! No, everything is not okay!

She stamps her foot creating an earthquake of about 4 on the Richter scale.

Ext. The changing cubicles. Saleslady #1 stands outside the cubicle and the racket from within attracts the attention of another saleslady.

Saleslady #2- What’s going on?

Saleslady #1- Oh, just another raging, out of control bride preparing for the happiest day of her life.

Another crash and a roar comes from within the cubicle.

Saleslady #1- (Cont.) Let’s give her some space. Walk quickly, don’t look back.

They leave... in a hurry.

Int. Changing Cubicle.

Sabrina- (Yelling) Somebody better get in here and help me or nothing will grow in this spot for two hundred years!

Salem- Look, before you destroy the Greater Boston area, you’ve gotta listen to me for two seconds...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Oh quit your yammering and grab a pin cushion. This dress isn’t gonna size itself!

Salem- Sabrina, forget the dress! Look at yourself.

Sabrina- (Looking in the mirror) What? I mean, you have to imagine me with my hair down, but I still look like a princess.

Salem- But look around you. Look what you’ve done.

She looks around at the smouldering remains of mannequins and wedding dresses.

Sabrina- Well, it’s not my fault! I mean... I’m in a hurry... and the service here is terrible.

Salem- Look under the dress.

Sabrina lifts up the miles of taffeta and sticks out a dainty foot. The inch long claws go well with the course, green scales.

Sabrina- <Gasp!> My feet?!

She turns and a matching green scaled tail swishes out the back.

Sabrina- (Cont.) And what the? A tail! And I’m leaving destruction in my wake? Oh my gosh!(Leaning down to Salem) I’m not a princess! I’m a dragon!

Salem- Wake up woman! You’re not a princess; you’re a dragon!

He slaps her across the cheek with his paw, claws, fortunately, retracted.

Sabrina- (Through gritted teeth) I just said that!

Salem- I know. I just always wanted to do that.

Sabrina starts zapping herself with her pointing finger but it has no effect on her dragon parts.

Sabrina- Why won’t it go away? Why is this happening to me? I mean, sure I was the teensiest bit demanding but, y’know, you have to be when you’re planning the perfect fairytale wedding. Besides, I was just following Cinderella’s advice.

Salem- Well that’ll teach you to listen to a woman who can’t keep track of her shoes.

Sabrina- Oh no. I’ve gotta slip out of here before anybody sees me.

She lifts up the hem of her dress and runs at the wall. Salem winces as a cloud of plaster billows into the room.

Salem- (To himself) Oh yeah, very discrete.

He jumps down from the table and follows her out through the Sabrina shaped hole in the wall.

Ext. Spellman front porch. Sabrina puts Salem down on the garden chair.

Sabrina- Okay, I made it across town without anyone seeing me.

Salem- Well, except for those Japanese tourists.

Sabrina- Yeah, that was unfortunate. Now all I need to do is get up to my room, find Cinderella and get some answers.

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina opens the door and comes in dragging her dragon tail behind her.

Twenty Women’s Voices- Surprise!

Sabrina- (Shocked) Holy cheese and crackers!

The living room is decked out in flowers and more taffeta than is in her dress. Roxie and Morgan have arranged the surprise shower and all Sabrina’s female friends are on the stairs clapping her. Sabrina desperately tries to make sure her green, scaly tail is out of sight.

Roxie- Surprised?

Sabrina- Surprised, shocked, stunned, taken aback. How’s that? Gotta go.

She heads for the kitchen but is stopped by Morgan.

Morgan- You can’t go. This is our way of saying that even though you treated us poorly, we are better people than you. Enjoy your shower.

One of the guests walks behind Sabrina and trips over something.

Roxie- Whoa! What was that?

Sabrina- Nothing! Just Kimy being a klutz again. And now if you’ll excuse me.

She tries to back her way to the kitchen.

Roxie- Sabrina, why are you wearing your wedding dress?

Sabrina- Test drive! Yeah, the good news is it really holds the curves.

Roxie- Sabrina, wait!

But it’s too late. Sabrina’s managed to escape into the kitchen.

Morgan- Well that is beyond rude! Now I don’t feel so guilty about re-gifting her.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Having escaped from the shower guests it’s just the easy bit of dashing up the stairs to her room. This is made more difficult when Aaron walks in from the back yard.

Aaron- Sabrina.

Sabrina- Oh, Aaron! Um hi. (Pointing to living room) Showers in there, act surprised. Bye.

She tries to nip off upstairs but Aaron’s too quick for her and he puls her towards him.

Aaron- No, wait-wait-wait-wait-wait. I think we need to have a... Ow! Jeez!

He has just received a vicious kick from a clawed dragon foot. He hops about on one foot.

Aaron- (Cont.) What are you wearing under there? Steel toed boots?

Sabrina- Of course. Would it kill ya to open a bridal magazine?

She finally slips off upstairs leaving Aaron to nurse his bruised shin.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem’s already waiting for her having used the tree and open window means of egress.

Sabrina- Stupid feet! Stupid tail! Stupid dress!

But she eventually manages to get all three through the door and slams it shut before using a chair to wedge it.

Salem- Yeah, it took me a while to get used to my tail, but again, I have no experience with or fantasies about a dress.

Sabrina opens the magic book to the pop-up fairytale castle page.

Sabrina- Cindy! Hello! Are you home?

There’s no reply.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, where could she possibly be?

Salem- Maybe she and Snow White and Rapunzel are having a sleep over?... With pillow fights. Ooh, now that’s a fairytale.

Sabrina- Not helping!

Salem- Not trying!

Sabrina sends him flying across the room and into the wall with a simple swish of her tail.

Sabrina- Huh! There maybe an advantage to this thing after all.

Salem- You know what they say: A cat will always land on his face.

As Salem slides down the wall leaving claw marks there’s a knock at the bedroom door.

Aaron- (OS) Sabrina, open up. We need to talk.

Sabrina- Super-busy!

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Roxie and Morgan come and join Aaron outside Sabrina’s locked door.

Roxie- What’s going on?

Aaron- She’s barricaded herself in there.

Morgan- Well she’d better come out, ‘cause if I have to sit down there with those loser friends of hers, she has to, too.

Roxie- (Calling downstairs) No offence!

Aaron- You know, Sabrina’s quirky behaviour can be endearing but I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

He leaves down the stairs. Roxie bangs on Sabrina’s door.

Roxie- Sabrina, open up!

Morgan- Hold on, let me try.

Roxie steps aside and lets Morgan at the door. She bangs on it.

Morgan- (Cont.) Sabrina, open up! (On Roxie’s look) It’s all in the tone.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina is squinting in to the tiny little pop-up windows of the pop-up fairytale castle.

Sabrina- Hello! Cindy, it’s just me. Don’t be freaked out by this giant eyeball.

Salem- Why don’t you ring the doorbell?

Sabrina- Well if there was a doorbell don’t you think I’d... Oh look, a doorbell.

She presses the little pop-up doorbell. A fairytale chime rings and Sabrina is sucked into the pop-up fairytale castle, tail and all.

Int. Cinderella’s bedroom. Cinderella is polishing her crystal slipper when Sabrina enters.

Sabrina- Oh, there you are. I’ve been wondering all over this castle for twenty minutes. You know you have a family of serfs squatting in the root cellar?

Cinderella- I told mom and the girls they should have been nicer to me. So, how are the wedding plans going? Did you find a place for the ceremony?

Sabrina- Yeah, Jurassic Park. (She lifts up her dress) Look, I’ve become tyrannosaurus wreck!

Cinderella- With the right train, no one will notice. Let me show you the one I wore; it was gorgeous.

Sabrina- Well, I don’t wanna hide the problem, I wanna get rid of it. You know, Aaron is very understanding but I think the six foot kickstand might be a deal breaker.

Cinderella- Well then, you’re better off without him. I mean, Prince Charming left years ago, but you don’t see me crying.

Sabrina- What?! He left? But I thought you had the perfect fairytale life?

Cinderella- No, I had the perfect fairytale wedding. Oh, I have to show you pictures of the reception.

She turns and goes to get the photo album dragging her dragon tail behind her.

Sabrina- <Gasp!> Oh my gosh! You’re a dragon, too!

Cinderella- A small price to pay for the perfect wedding day.

Sabrina- This isn’t what I want. Alone in a tower with nothing but memories.

Cinderella- (Showing Sabrina a picture) What’s funnier than downtrodden townsfolk doing the electric slide?

Sabrina- Why did I listen to you? Oh, I’ve been so focused on the wedding, I forgot all about the happily ever after. I’ve gotta go back, refocus my priorities and pay attention to what’s really important. Wow! I feel better already.

She checks but the tail is still with her.

Sabrina- Oh! You know, usually, when I have these revelations, the magical side-effects tend to go away. (Calling to the heavens) Yo! I’ve learned my lesson!

Cinderella looks up at her ceiling wondering who her friend is talking too.

Sabrina- (Cont.)(To Cinderella) Any advice?

Cinderella- Don’t go with the pumpkin carriage; you’ll never get rid of the smell.

With a shake of her head Sabrina leaves.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She shoots out of the pop-up fairytale castle in a swirl of sparkles.

Sabrina- Salem I’m going to be a dragon for the rest of my life and it’s all my fault!

Salem- Well, look at it this way. You’ll never have to shave your legs again.

Sabrina- No, because I’ll have to sandpaper them.

Salem- Well, worry not, my scaly maiden. I’ve done some research and found the perfect solution. All you need to do is find a prince to slay ya.

Sabrina- Where am I going to find a prince?

Salem- Well, I know a couple of queens who've a dog named Dave.

Sabrina swishes her tail again and this time Salem misses the wall but sails perfectly onto the top shelf of Sabrina’s closet.

Sabrina- Hey, you’re right. I am getting used to the tail.

Aaron- Sabrina.

She screams as she turns and finds Aaron at her window at the top of a ladder.

Sabrina- (Hiding behind the curtains) Argh! No, you can’t come in here!

Aaron- No. I’m coming in and we’re gonna talk or this wedding is...

He climbs over the sill into the room but trips and falls full length.

Aaron- (Cont.) OOF!

Sabrina- But, Aaron, you can’t see the bride in her wedding dress!

Aaron- (getting to his feet) What? But I just saw you down stairs.

Sabrina- Yeah, and we’ve had nothing but bad luck ever since. Now please don’t look at me.

Aaron- (With his back to her) Okay! Fine! Whatever! Right, but I’m not leaving here till we have this out. This-this wedding is out of control.

Sabrina- I know and I’m so...

Aaron- (Interrupting) No-no-no-no-no-no! Now I don’t wanna hear any more demands, all right? Look, Sabrina, this isn’t just your day, it’s our day and I’m going to have some input.

Sabrina feels something odd behind her a takes a look. Her tail has shrunk.

Sabrina- Wait, what did you just say?

Aaron- I’m saying that this whole... fairytale wedding of yours has gone too far and this is one Prince Charming that’s not gonna put up with it anymore.

Sabrina watches as her green, scaly tail vanishes under her dress.

Sabrina- (Smiling) Of course, you’re my prince.

Aaron- No! Not a prince; just a guy who wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and I think you’ve lost sight of that.

Sabrina- I couldn’t agree more.

She lifts up the hem of her dress and watches her scaly, clawed feet turn back into the dainty, smooth ones she’s always known.

Aaron- Really?

Sabrina- Really.

She takes his arm turning him to look at her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) All I want is the happily ever after.

Aaron- Something else we agree on.

He bends down and kisses her.

Aaron- (Cont.) Oh, and just so you know, I’m okay with a tux but I’m not wearing tails.

Sabrina- I’m right there with ya.

Int. Spellman living room. The bridal shower is breaking up and while Morgan and Roxie take the chance to have closer look at some of the gifts, Sabrina sees off the last of the guests.

Sabrina- (Calling after) Bye. Bye Helen. Bye Kimy. Bye Maureen. We’ll do this again soon... Well not for me... hopefully, but one of you... hopefully.

She closes the door and comes back into the main room.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, that was absolutely perfect. I can’t thank you guys enough.

With stony faces they both walk passed her and into the kitchen.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Apparently I really can’t. (Calling after) Guys, I said I’m sorry.

She starts to follow them but becomes distracted.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Ooh, bathtub beads. (Forcing herself) Later! Later!

Int. Spellman kitchen. Roxie and Morgan are tidying up the party snacks as Sabrina hurries in.

Sabrina- Look, I know you guys went to a lot of trouble and I know I’ve been a little bit demanding.

Morgan- Sabrina, you weren’t a little anything. You were a great big, raging...

Sabrina- (Interrupting) Okay, I get it. Look, I’m really sorry. I can’t even begin to explain.

Roxie- It’s okay. Apology accepted. I know you’re going through a lot right now and I can’t really blame you for not being yourself.

She looks across at Morgan who is still studiously ignoring Sabrina.

Roxie- (To Morgan) Ahem!

Morgan- I can... (On Sabrina’s sad look) But I wont.

Sabrina cheers up and they have a little three way hug.

Sabrina- You know, it really was a great shower.

Morgan- The finger sandwiches were my idea. So, just curious. Have you given any thought to...flower girls, brides maids and, oh, I don’t know, maid of honour?

Roxie- Morgan, don’t put her on the spot. (To Sabrina) So, have you?

Sabrina- Well, I have thought about it and I’ve decided on my maid of honour, but I need to let you know, it’s not going to be one of you.

Roxie- (Disappointed) Oh.

Morgan- (Disappointed) Okay.

Sabrina- It’s going to be both of you.

Morgan- (Ecstatic) Great choice!

Roxie- (Delighted) We approve!

Another three way hug.

Morgan- But... I’m really the main maid of honour, right?

Roxie- You just couldn’t leave it alone, could you?

The pair go off arguing into the living room. Sabrina listens to the go smiling to herself.

Sabrina- (To herself) Nothing is ever simple.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina is wrestling her wedding dress into a box that could never possibly hope to contain it.

Sabrina- Yep. I’m definitely going with something simpler and half the petticoats.

Salem- Scaling back, huh?

Sabrina- Please don’t mention scaly backs. Aaron and I are just finding some middle ground. Instead of using the back yard, we’ve found a church we both like... But I can’t believe how much I still need to do.

Salem- So, if Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber are your maids of honour, where does that leave me?

Sabrina- You wanted to be my maid of honour?

Salem- It’s always nice to be asked.

Run credits.