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What A Witch Wants
Written By - Suzanne Gangursky
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Cast
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Salem - Nick Bakay
Morgan - Elisa Donovan
Roxie - Soleil Moon Frye
Aaron - Dylan Neal
Purser/Bob Bermuda - David Leisure
Mario - Mario
Soccer Player #1 - Derek Baynham
Soccer Player #2 - Craig Young
Waiter - Ian Lyons
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the Warner Brothers Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem is sat on Sabrina’s bed wearing a white captains uniform with lots of gold braid as he watches Sabrina pack her suitcase.
Sabrina- Okay, bikini, sunscreen, sandals... what am I forgetting?
Salem- A trusted loyal cat.
Sabrina- Right. Let me know if you find one. Salem, I’ve told you. This is my bachelorette cruise, it’s for girls only, although, I have seen you throw a ball.
Salem- Fine. I’ll stay home... all alone.
Sabrina- Oh no, you won’t be alone. Aaron’s gonna watch you.
Salem- What?! I’m a grown man, I don’t need a babysitter!
Sabrina- Yeah, right. The last time I left you by yourself you had enough women through here to start a sorority.
Salem- I told you, they were only here for choir practice. I swear, I have no plans whatsoever.
Sabrina- Well, maybe we can confirm that with a cat scan?
She points at him and his captains hat is transformed to a mad scientist type brain reading helmet that is connected to a flat screen display unit via a connector straight out of ‘Buck Rogers in the 25th Century’ It shows Salem being fawned over and petted by three buxom young ladies.
The On-screen Salem- Okay, who wants to play spin-the-milk-bottle, hm? Kiss me!
Sabrina- Let me guess. They’re part of your bible study
Salem- Um...!
Sabrina- Have fun with Aaron.
Run opening credits.
Int. Spellman living room. Three girls on a three day cruise, you are talking some serious luggage. Poor old Aaron is the guy who has to lug it all out to the car. Sabrina add another full suitcase to the load he already has.
Sabrina- Here, Aaron. It’s probably best just to keep moving.
Aaron- (Muffled by luggage) Yeah. Just point me towards the car.
She does and gives him a little push off.
Aaron- (Cont.) Okay.
Sabrina- Well, handsome and useful.
Morgan and Roxie come down stairs loaded with their hand luggage.
Morgan- Photo op! This could be the last time we’re coming down these stairs as three single women.
They lean close together and Morgan holds a camera at arms length to take a picture of all three of them.
Roxie- She’s right. This is it, it’s our last hurrar.
Sabrina- Guys, I’m just getting married. It doesn’t mean we can’t hurrar. We can hurrar, we can hurrah, we can even whoo-hoo!... well, at least in most States. Oh, all I know is, there’s no one I’d rather spend these last few days with than you guys.
Morgan- Oh, that is so sweet. What if that’s the last sweet thing that you ever say...
Roxie- (Interrupting) Just go.
Morgan and Roxie do go out to the car passing Aaron on the way.
Aaron- Yeah, I think there’s still some room in the glove compartment. (To Sabrina) Well, I’m gonna miss you. I can’t wait for you to get back... You are coming back, aren’t you?
Sabrina- Of course I am. The deposit on the church is non-refundable.
Aaron- Ah, pretty and practical.
Sabrina- M-mm.
They kiss.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Thanks for being so understanding. You know, it’s really important for me to have some quality time with my friends and the last time this ship went out everybody got food poisoning, so we got a great deal.
Aaron- Well, have fun and don’t worry. I’m going to take great care of Sally.
Sabrina- Er, his names Salem.
Aaron- Yeah, like he knows the difference.
Sabrina- Ah, you’d be surprised. Bye.
They kiss again and she leaves.
Ext. Spellman front porch. As Sabrina comes out her excited friends rush to join her.
Roxie- Sabrina, let’s go.
Morgan- Yeah, come on. The hurrar clock is ticking.
Sabrina- Okay, I’m ready. Anchors away, girls. It’s time to set sail on the good ship Lollipop.
Ext. The promenade deck of the SS Saga. The three friends stand looking at their fellow passengers. Add their ages together and they’d still probably be the youngest one aboard. They watch to elderly gentlemen go by with shuffleboard sticks.
Sabrina- Oh, well there goes pops and I wonder which one of these ladies is er Lolly?
Roxie- Well I guess you got your something old, and that hair is definitely something blue.
Morgan- And they’re living on borrowed time, so...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) Shh! They’ll hear you... or not.
Morgan- How could this happen?
Sabrina- I’m sorry. I thought this cruise was gonna be real hip, but I don’t think there’s a real hip on this ship. But look, we can still have a good time together! You know, we’ll definitely win the limbo contest.
Morgan- Yeah, unless that guy in the gurney enters.
Roxie- Let’s just figure out where out cabin is.
Sabrina check her boarding pass.
Sabrina- I guess this should have been a tip-off. (Reading) ‘Every room equipped with a blow drier and defibrillator.’
The enter the ship passing a purser.
Purser- Ladies.
He holds the door for Morgan and Roxie and as Sabrina passes him.
Purser- (Cont.) Enjoy your cruise, Sabrina.
Sabrina- Thanks... Wait a minute, how do you know my name?
Purser- It’s my job, and I hope your bachelorette cruise is everything you wish for.
He tips his cap to her and walks off.
Sabrina- (To Herself) Do you tip somebody for creeping you out?
Int. Spellman living room. Salem is lay on the settee beside the remote control watching TV.
Documentary Narrator- After the war, brutal dictator, Benito Mussolini, finally met a violent end at the hand of an assassin.
Salem- Oh, good old El Duchy. He put the fashion in fachist.
Aaron enters, sits down beside Salem, swings his feet up onto the coffee table, picks up the remote and switches channels for the football game. He puts down the remote and Salem reaches out a paw and turns it back to his documentary.
Aaron- What the...
He turns it back to the game and Salem switches it back again.
Aaron- (Cont.) Hey, paws off the remote and kitty off the couch.
He picks up a plant sprayer off the table and gives Salem a squirt. With a meow! Salem leaps over the back of the couch and up onto the dining table. Aaron turns the TV back to the game.
Aaron- (Cont.) Brain the size of a marble.
Salem- (Under his breath) Listen, Pretty boy, you do not want to get into a spray war with me.
Int. SS Saga, The Gulf Stream Lounge ballroom. The old folk dance cheek to cheek to the organ music having a ball while three wallflowers stand bemused.
Morgan- Nice music, huh? Makes you wanna get out on that dance floor and shake your walker.
Roxie- Morgan, you’re missing a photo-op. This maybe the last time we look this hot and feel this bored.
Morgan takes out her camera and holds it at arms length. They all give bored smiles and click!
Sabrina- Come on guys, what’s wrong with us? We’re on a beautiful ship, we’re all together and we’ve all got our original teeth.
They sit at one of the tables.
Roxie- Are you honestly saying you’re having a fun time?
Sabrina- Yeah, totally. Whoo-hoo! Okay, yeah, I wish it was more fun...
Suddenly everyone starts laughing, Morgan and Roxie break into happy smiles but that may be down to what they’ve just seen enter the ballroom.
Morgan- Hello. Enter fun at two o’clock.
Roxie- Ahoy mates.
Sabrina- Up periscope.
Eleven good looking young guys enter all well dressed though in the same outfit of beige trousers, yellow shirts and black blazers with a badge over the pocket.
Soccer Player #1- Hey, there they are.
He points out the girls and guys go over to join them. Some take the free seats at the table, the rest stand round it.
Soccer Player #2- G’day ladies. I hope you don’t mind us crashin’ your party but the purser said there were three good lookin’ Sheilas aboard.
If you haven’t already guessed, these guys speak with Australian accents.
Morgan- Well, thank you. Who are the other two? (On Roxie and Sabrina’s look) Oh, Oh, well, I’m Morgan and this is Roxie and she’s... getting married.
Sabrina- Also known as Sabrina. So, er where have you guys been hiding? It’s like you came out of nowhere?
Soccer Player #1- No, not nowhere, Australia. We’re headed to Bermuda for a football match. (To Morgan) Soccer to you Yanks.
Morgan- Well, soccer to you, too.
Soccer Player #2- Yeah, we were hoping to do some dancin’ but crikey, the tunes they’re playin’ here are enough to put a wallaby to sleep.
Sabrina- Yeah, I was thinking the same thing... well, without the wallaby. I wish they’d do something do something about the music here.
The current waltz number comes to an end and the announcer gets up on stage.
Announcer- (OS) ladies and gentlemen, The Gulf Stream Lounge is delighted to have with us, for your entertainment, Mario!
Mario walks onto the stage and starts to sing ‘Holla Back’
Morgan- Wow, Sabrina. I don’t know what you’re doing, but keep it up.
Soccer Player #1- Well, let’s hit the dance floor ladies.
Morgan and Roxie get up and pair off with soccer players 1 and 2 respectively.
Sabrina- Er, I’ll catch up with you guys. I have to er tape my ankle. (To herself) And figure out what’s going on here. Let’s see. I wished for fun, I wished for music. I wish I had... a papaya.
Purser- Papaya?
He holds in front of Sabrina’s nose.
Sabrina- I meant sliced papaya.
Purser- As you wish.
He takes the decoration off the top and the papaya falls into four slices. The purser walks off leaving Sabrina with her mouth hanging open.
Sabrina- Hey! Wait a minute!
She gets up and runs after him.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Where are you going? Who are you and... how do you get your whites so white?
She leaves The Gulf Stream Lounge where Morgan and Roxie are getting down on the dance floor to Mario with a soccer team.
Ext. The promenade deck. Sabrina comes out and looks around.
Sabrina- Hello! Strange smiley man, where are you?
The place is completely deserted.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Okay. I quick pop home for a little magic book consultation.
She points at herself but there’s no sparkly swirl, no disappearing, no nothing.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh man! When other people go on vacation, they just lose their travellers cheques!
Int. Spellman kitchen. The phone rings and Salem sitting on the table watches Aaron answers it.
Aaron- (On phone) Hello?... Oh, hey honey. Don’t tell me you miss me already?
Sabrina- (On phone) Oh yeah, I miss you terribly. Listen, can I talk to Salem?
Aaron- (On phone) Excuse me?
Sabrina- (On phone) He just gets upset if he doesn’t hear my voice every day
Aaron- (On phone) But...
Sabrina- (On phone) (Interrupting) Look, this call is costing me five dollars a minute. Can you just put him on?
Aaron- (On phone) Fine. (To Salem) It’s for you.
He puts the phone down in front of the cat. Salem looks at the phone, looks up at Aaron, who’s standing over him with his hands on his hips, and back at the phone. He leans down.
Salem- (On phone) Me-ow?
The front doorbell rings and, reluctantly, Aaron has to go and see who it is.
Sabrina- (On phone) Listen, Salem, have you ever heard of wishes spontaneously coming true? Meow once for yes, twice for no.
Salem- (On phone) Not necessary. Lover boy’s busy payin’ for m' pizza. Spontaneous wishes coming true, huh?
Sabrina- (On phone) Plus my magic isn’t working. I knew I shouldn’t have changed providers.
Salem- (On phone) Hmm, wish fulfilment, magic’s not working? Never heard of such a thing, unless, of course, you happen to be in the Bermuda Triangle.
Sabrina- (On phone) Like I would be if I was on a three day cruise to Bermuda?
Salem- (On phone) And your problem with this is?
Sabrina- (On phone) My problem with this is that I’ve lost my magic but all my wishes are coming true... Oh... I guess I don’t have a problem.
She hangs up just as Aaron enters with a pizza.
Salem- Er woof! Woof! I mean, Meow! Meow!
Aaron frown at Salem and pick up the phone from the table.
Aaron- (On phone) Hello?... Sabrina?
But the lines dead.
Aaron- (To Salem) When we get to LA, we are so getting a dog.
Salem- Ghe?
Ext. SS Saga, promenade deck. Sabrina comes from the courtesy phone and stands at the rails looking out over the ocean.
Sabrina- (To Herself) Well, as long as wishes are coming true, I wish there was a full moon.
The crescent moon currently up in the sky dips down below the horizon to be replaced by a full one.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Not bad, I wonder why the triangle gets such a bad rep?
Morgan comes out.
Morgan- There you are! The guys are about to teach us how to wrestle crocks. I don’t know what that means but I’m in. Come on!
She takes Sabrina’s hand and drags her back into The Gulf Stream Lounge.
Int. The Gulf Stream Lounge. Later. Roxie and Morgan are sitting on their respective soccer players laps while a couple of the other soccer players stand around. Mario has also joined them at their table.
Soccer Player #1- ...And I said, that’s not a kiwi, that’s an emu.
Everybody laughs.
Mario- (Aside to Morgan) Any idea what an emu is?
Morgan- None whatsoever.
A waiter comes over with some devastating news.
Waiter- I’m sorry folks, you’ve completely eaten us out of popcorn shrimp. There’s not one left on the ship.
Everybody groans.
Sabrina- (Under her breath) I wish we had more popcorn shrimp.
Purser- (Pushing a trolley) Anybody want some popcorn shrimp?
Everybody swoops on to the trolley.
Sabrina- Okay, now I really should tip.
Morgan- Oh, the guys are playing in Boston next month. We have to get three tickets to... Oh wait, we only need two tickets, Sabrina’s not gonna be here.
Roxie- Oh, if they’re coming out next month they can come with us to the cape.
Sabrina- The cape?
Morgan- Yeah, we got a timeshare.
Sabrina- Really? You guys never mentioned anything about a timeshare?
Roxie- Well, you were so wrapped up in your wedding plans, it didn’t seem important.
Morgan- And besides, you’re moving to LA. We didn’t think you’d care.
Sabrina- Yeah, I guess I don’t... So, Hyannisport or Chatham? Er, it’s okay, it doesn’t matter. Either way, I’m sure you guys will have a great time.
Soccer Player #2- Okay ladies. Less squawkin’ more walkin’... to the dance floor. (To Mario) Hey matey, you got a couple more tunes in ya?
Mario- I could be talked into it... just as long as you don’t call me matey.
Soccer Player #2- Fair doos
As her friends get up to party some more Sabrina begins to realise how much fun she’s going to miss by not being with them.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Aaron has been foolish enough to leave his best sweater lying on the table. Salem decides to test his claws and teeth out on it. Aaron enters and sees the tattered sweater.
Aaron- All right, I’ve had it with you, you mangy fur ball! That’s it!
He grabs the carry box from the floor, puts it on the table and quickly stuffs Salem inside.
Aaron- (Cont.) There we go.
He locks it with a padlock and leaves the keys on the table in front.
Aaron- (Cont.) Ha!
He picks up his ruined sweater and leaves.
Salem- Okay. Maybe I didn’t think this all the way through.
Ext. USS Saga, the promenade deck. Sabrina is back leaning on the railings watching the water flow by and looking slightly down in the mouth. Roxie and Morgan find her there.
Roxie- Sabrina, are you okay?
Sabrina- Yeah. Y’know, between the shrimp and the accents, I’m just a little... down under. Really, I’m fine.
Morgan- Oh good.
She turns back towards the party but is stopped by Roxie.
Roxie- No. Something’s wrong. (To Sabrina) What is it?
Sabrina- Well, You know how we were joking around about this being our last hurrar? Well, then I realised, yeah, it is. I mean, when we get off this ship everything is gonna be different.
Roxie- But you’re the one that said, just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean anything’s gonna change?
Sabrina- Yeah, but how can it not? I’m gonna be moving to the other side of the country and you guys’ll be back in Boston, living your lives, dating soccer teams...
Morgan- (Interrupting) Oh, do you think so? Because they are so cute...(On Roxie’s look) But... this is really sad. In fact, let’s take a picture! The last time we’re all really sad together!
Roxie- (Stopping her) Can you not dispose of that disposable? (To Sabrina) Sabrina, everything’s gonna be fine.
Sabrina- Yeah, but how can you know for sure? I mean, I just wish I knew if our friendship was gonna survive.
There’s a sudden crunch and they all tumble to the deck. The purser comes through.
Purser- Iceberg!
Sabrina- What?! No, I didn’t even wish that!
Purser- Hurry, follow me to the lifeboat!
Roxie- Oh my God! We’re gonna die!
Sabrina- That’s not what I meant when I said wish!
Ext. A small inflatable dinghy bobby on the swell of the ocean in the middle of a deep, dark night. Three terrified young women watch the brightly lit SS Saga steam off into the distance.
Sabrina- Come back! Come back!... They’re not coming back!
Roxie- I can’t believe we’re the only idiots who got into a lifeboat.
Morgan- I can’t believe the iceberg didn’t even hurt the ship?.. Or that there was an iceberg in tropical waters?
Roxie- How did this happen?
Sabrina- Did you ever hear the expression ‘Be careful what you wish for’?
Ext. The deserted sandy beach of a tropical island. Beyond it, are tall palm trees fading into wide leafed jungle undergrowth. The morning sun makes the sand hot underfoot for the three shipwrecked girls. Morgan sits on a rock checking the mess that her hair is in with her compact mirror. Roxie sits beside her brushing sand off her legs and Sabrina stands barefoot in the sand.
Sabrina- I wish we were at home! I wish the ship would turn around! I wish my wishes were still working!
Roxie- (Aside to Morgan) It sounds like someone is two seconds away from talking to a volleyball.
Sabrina- I wish I had a volleyball! Urgh! Why isn’t this working?
Morgan- Er, no magic lamp, no lucky penny, no sugar daddy. You do the math.
Roxie- Well Morgan, as long as we’re gonna die, you might as well take a picture.
Sabrina- No! No one’s dying, okay? We just lived through an iceberg, a night in a lifeboat and some very questionable popcorn shrimp. Don’t you get it? We survived! I just have a feeling that, any moment now, we’re gonna get off this island.
There’s the sound of an engine and they all look up.
Sabrina- Hey look, there’s a plane, and I didn’t have to wish for it!
They all jump up waving their arms like madwomen.
Sabrina- (Yelling) Hey, over here! Over here! (Disappointed) He seems to be going over there, over there. Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.
Morgan- Wow, look at that. You don’t see a lot o’ mountains that spit out smoke and lava.
Sabrina- Unless it’s an active volcano!
Roxie- Well, it’s official. We’re gonna die.
Sabrina- No! No one’s dying.
A little way down the beech a familiar smiley face peeks out from round a rock. He’s wearing an Hawaiian shirt and matching shorts and raises his pina colada to Sabrina. Roxie and Morgan don’t see him.
Sabrina- (Cont.) At least not one of us. Look, I’m gonna go get some answers and some firewood.
Morgan- (Calling after) Good luck! (To Roxie) Yeah, like firewood grows on trees.
Sabrina runs down the beach and round the rock. He still there sipping his cool refreshing drink through a straw.
Sabrina- You! Hey, I know you’re behind all this craziness! No sane person would wear those shorts! Look, I want off this island and I want off it now!
The man holds out his hand with a smile.
Bob Bermuda- (Shaking hands) Hi, Bob Bermuda. Welcome to my triangle.
Sabrina- Your triangle?
Bob Bermuda- Yeah, it’s a family business left to me by my father who mysteriously disappeared. Occupational hazard. Ha-ha.
Sabrina- So is being beaten senseless with a coconut. Look, I know I wished to know if our friendship would survive, well guess what? It did! Game over! Send us home.
Bob Bermuda- You call that surviving? You practically fell into a lifeboat, washed up on a deserted island without even having to lift a paddle! You haven’t even eaten a rat yet!
Sabrina- No, but I can smell one. I mean, what about this wish thing? I mean, how come my wishes stopped working?
Bob Bermuda- One wish per time. We’re still working on the last one.
He picks up the binoculars that are hanging round his neck and looks out to sea. A huge tsunami is roaring in towards the beach.
Bob Bermuda- (Cont.) Well now, there’s something you don’t see everyday. A tidal wave. Excuse me, I forgot to shut my windows.
Sabrina- Whoa-whoa-whoa! A tidal wave?! What are we supposed to do?
Bob Bermuda- Oh, I’m sorry. Here.
He takes the little cocktail umbrella from his drink and hands it to her.
Sabrina- (Sarcastic) Thanks.
He walks off into the jungle but vanishes before reaching it.
Sabrina- He is so...! Oh yeah, tidal wave!
She throws the umbrella aside and runs back down the beach towards Roxie and Morgan.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Salem is using his collar to reach through the bars on his carry box. He’s managed to snag the keys for the padlock and is dragging them back towards him.
Salem- Ah, almost there. Ha-ha, d’oh!
Aaron walks in wearing his dressing gown and slippers and Salem drags his collar in too quickly. The key’s flip off and drop to the floor. Aaron goes to the refrigerator and pulls out a Tupperware container with a label on it’s lid.
Aaron- (To Salem) I can’t believe that she’s giving you the left over chicken salad?
His foot catches the keys on the floor and he picks them up
Aaron- (Cont.) Whoa, don’t wanna lose this, do we kitty?
He waves them in front of Salem, then with a laugh he takes them and Salem’s supper into the dining room.
Salem- This - means - WAR!
Ext. The desert island. The intrepid Sabrina pushes her way through the dense undergrowth with Roxie and Morgan following in single file until they finally come back out onto the beach. They have managed to survive the tidal wave although they all look the worse for wear from the experience. Their dresses from the party on board the SS Saga are torn rags; their hair is frizzed and unkempt. Sabrina and Roxie unwrap lengths of seaweed from themselves. Somehow, though, Morgan has come out of it remarkably unscathed.
Sabrina- And I thought seaweed wraps were supposed to be relaxing. And Morgan, where did you learn to scale a palm tree like that?
Morgan- Do you have any idea what a twenty foot wall of water would do to my hair?
Sabrina- (Pointing at her own hair) Yeah, kinda.
Roxie- Iceberg: weird, lost at sea: scary but the tidal wave? This is officially the worst bachelorette party ever!
Thunder rumbles ominously in the distance. The first heavy drops of rain fall onto Sabrina and the wind picks up blowing in from the sea. Morgan calmly sits on a rock and starts touching up her makeup.
Sabrina- Guys, I think we’ve got bigger problems. I’m guessing those storm clouds on the horizon aren’t going to be a refreshing tropical rain.
Roxie- So now you’re a weather girl?
Sabrina- Er, we prefer meteorologist and no, I’m just saying we need to find a shelter and we need to find one now!
Roxie- And all I’m saying is I’ve got to get something to eat before I starve to death!
She picks up a coconut.
Roxie- (Cont.) Morgan, give me your shoe to crack this.
Morgan- Oh, at five hundred dollars a pair, I don’t think so.
Sabrina- (Pulling at palm fronds) Guys, focus! Hurricane on the horizon!
Roxie- (To Morgan) Give me your freekin’ shoe!
Morgan- No! Where does it stop? You trash my stiletto, the next thing you know, we are smearing pigs blood all over our faces and suddenly it’s like something out of ‘Lords Of The Dance’!
Roxie snatches at the shoe.
Morgan- (Cont.) No!
Sabrina grabs the shoe.
Sabrina- Guys! Can we please channel all this negative energy into building a storm shelter?!
Morgan- Well, I guess I missed it when you claimed this beach for Sabrinia.
Roxie- Oh, shelters the number one priority? Why don’t we just dig our own grave?
Sabrina- Look, Miss Doom-and-gloom, Lose the attitude and make yourself useful!
Roxie- It would be nice if, just once, you didn’t try to run everything!
Sabrina- And it would be nice if, just once, I didn’t have to! (Snatches the coconut from Roxie) Now I am trying to save your lives!
Morgan- Well maybe you could do your whole save-the-day act before the elements completely destroy my skin!
The girls are now having to yell at top note over the roar of the wind.
Sabrina- This just in, Morgan! Nobody cares about your skin!
Roxie- (To Sabrina) And nobody cares about what you think!
Morgan- Oh, wait! Let’s take a picture. This will be the last photo I can cut you two out of!
Sabrina- I can’t believe I was actually upset about moving away from you people! Unluckily, three thousand miles isn’t enough!
Roxie- Well, don’t let the palm frond hit you on your way out!
Sabrina- Oh, so it’s true. If you want something done right...
She whacks the coconut with the heel of Morgan’s shoe and nut falls into two neat halves.
Sabrina- (Cont.) I have to show everyone else how to do it!
Roxie- Well, I don’t need you to show me how to do anything!
She turns a storms away up the beach. Morgan walks up to Sabrina.
Morgan- My shoe! (Takes it) My coconut!
She takes that too and walks off after Roxie.
Sabrina- (Calling after) Fine! Go ahead. I’ll build a shelter by myself! While you two are being blown over the rainbow, give my regards to Glinda! (To Herself) Oh, I forgot to thank her for that shower gift! (Yelling against the hurricane) Okay Bob, point made. My friendship wont survive. Thanks for the heads up. I’d like to go home now... Bob?... Mister Bermuda? It looks like I’m shouting in the wind here! (Wiping her chin) And spitting.
With a mighty crash a tall palm tree crashes to the ground missing Sabrina by inches.
Sabrina- (Cont.) And running!
She runs off down the beach in the direction that Roxie and Morgan took.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Aaron enters with the empty chicken salad container and puts it on the counter and glances over to the carry box on the table where Salem’s tail sticks out motionless. He looks closer and his eyes open wide.
Aaron- Oh my God! Oh no-no-no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no!
He takes out the key and unlocks the cage.
Aaron- (Cont.) Oh, Sabrina is gonna kill me!
He opens the cage door and gently lifts out the still, limp form of Salem.
Aaron- (Cont.) Come on, kitty. Come on. No-no-no-no! No-no-no! No-no!
He lays him on his back and Salem feet stick up in the air. He prods and shakes him.
Aaron- (Cont.) Kitty! Kitty!
There’s no response. Aaron looks around desperately while Salem cracks one eye and chuckles quietly to himself.
Aaron- (Desperate) What do I do? What do I do? Er er bury it! I need garbage bags. Freezer?
Aaron turns away to look for some garbage bags, Salem rolls to his feet, jumps down from the table on silent feet and runs into the living room. Aaron looks back at the table to find the dead cat has gone.
Aaron- (Cont.) Oh, I am so gonna kill that cat!
He sets off in pursuit.
Ext. A hurricane swept beach of a desert island in the gulf of Mexico. It’s a race to see who can get to it first. Roxie has a head start but Sabrina catching up fast wind assisted.
Roxie- Out of my way! This is my lifeboat!
Sabrina- No, yours’ll be called a get-a lifeboat!
Roxie- Hey!
Sabrina- Besides, I saw it first!
Roxie- The only reason I’m in this mess is because of you. The least you can do is let me live!
While Sabrina and Roxie wrestle with the lifeboat. Morgan comes up and ducks underneath it.
Morgan- Oh, thank you.
Sabrina & Roxie- Hey!
But it hardly matters because the only one who’s having the lifeboat is the hurricane. It plucks it from Sabrina and Roxie’s hands and sends it sailing off over the jungle.
Morgan- (To Sabrina) Well, it’s all yours.
Roxie- Once again, Thank you, Sabrina Spellman.
Another palm tree crashes to the ground beside them making them all jump back.
Sabrina- Okay, at the risk of sounding too bossy, help me move these trees together and cover them with branches, now!
Roxie- Not there, the grounds too low! Over there, we can use the rock as a foundation, but we don’t have anything to tie the branches together with!
Morgan- (Reaching into her purse) Waxed or mint?
She holds up two packs of dental floss.
Sabrina- Come on, girls. Put your backs into it!
They get to work lugging the heavy palm trees into position.
Int. Spellman living room. The great white hunter is on the trail of that most elusive of prey. The little black tomcat. He hears a door creak and looks across. The front door is slightly ajar.
Aaron- Oh no!
He runs to the door and outside afraid of losing Sabrina’s pet. As soon as he is outside a small black paw gives the door a shove and it click closed.
Ext. Spellman front porch. Aaron turns and tries to open the door which, of course is locked.
Aaron- <Sigh!> Oh no. Well, I’ll just go around back.
He sets off and there’s the sound of dressing gown fabric tearing. The back of it was caught in the door and has come off. The letter slot opens and a pair of yellow slit eyes look out.
Aaron- Oh no!
Salem- It’s a little early for a full moon. Na-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ext. A hurricane smashed, tsunami ravished beach on a desert island in the gulf of Mexico. A palm frond of what looks to be a pile of storm debris moves aside and the storm ravished head of Sabrina pokes it’s dirty face out through it’s frizzed up hair.
Sabrina- <Gasp!> It’s over! The storms over! The coast is clear! Suddenly that expression makes sense.
Roxie follows her out of their burrow with half the jungle caught up in her long black locks.
Roxie- I can’t believe it! We’re not dead!
Then out comes Morgan, with hardly a hair out of place and her makeup, as always, immaculate.
Morgan- Oh, thank God I made it. Oh, and you guys did, too.
Sabrina- Yay, we won!
The have a three way hug before remembering that they hate one another with a hate the will last an eternity. And all look in different directions.
Sabrina- You know, if we were talking, I’d thank you, Roxie, for pointing out where to build the shelter. The place I wanted to build it is under six feet of debris.
Roxie- You’re welcome. And if I were talking to you, I guess I’d say that if it weren’t for you bossing us around, I mean, taking charge, we’d be a seagull buffet.
Sabrina- And Morgan, if it wasn’t for your bottomless supply of beauty products, we probably wouldn’t have made it.
Morgan- Yeah, that eyebrow wax really slowed up that leak. And by the way, that stuffs not cheep.
Sabrina- Do you know what I’ve just realised? We have nothing to worry about. Of course our friendship is going to survive as long as we all make the effort.
Morgan- Well yeah! You’re the only one who ever doubted it. And speaking of making the effort...
She holds up her compact mirror for Sabrina to see what a total mess she is.
Roxie- Sabrina, I’ve been saying this all along. We’ll be friends for life.
Another three way hug and this one more heartfelt.
Sabrina- Okay, now wait. We’re three smart girls. We should definitely be able to find our way off a deserted island.
Soccer Player #1- (OS) Heads up!
Sabrina turns and catches the ball as the soccer players run up the beach in their yellow and blue strips.
Soccer Player #1- (Cont.) Hey, there you are. We were wondering what happened to you.
Sabrina- What are you guys doing here?
Soccer Player #2- Whaddya mean? We told you we’ve got a tournament here.
Sabrina- This is Bermuda?!
Soccer Player #1- Yeah. Well come on then. The teams partying down the beach.
Morgan- You’re not gonna believe this. We thought...
Roxie- (Interrupting) Ah-ah-ah! Three smart girls, remember?
Morgan- Oh, right. (To the soccer players) You’re not gonna believe this. We thought that we...
Roxie- Let’s go.
She takes Morgan by the arm and leads her away down the beach. Sabrina’s about to follow but almost walks into...
Bob Bermuda- (Taking a deep breath) Ah, nothing like a category four hurricane to really clear the air.
Sabrina- Okay. I don’t agree with the method but message isn’t bad.
Bob Bermuda- Learn a little something, did we?
Sabrina- Yeah. The next time I’m stranded, I’ll walk more than fifty feet down the beach.
She follows after her friends.
Bob Bermuda- I wish, just once, someone would say thank you.
Sabrina- (Calling)(OS) Oh, thank you!
She catches up to Morgan, Roxie and the boys.
Sabrina- Morgan, wait. Have you still got your camera?
Morgan- Only one picture left.
Sabrina takes it from her and tosses it to Soccer Player #1
Sabrina- Heads up!
He catches it and Sabrina gets in the middle of Roxie and Morgan with their arms around each other.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Three friends who can survive anything.
Soccer Player #1 waves them back a little to make sure he gets them all in the frame and he takes the picture just as they trip backwards over a hurricane felled palm tree.
Int. Spellman living room. Cleaned up and sweeter smelling, the girls arrive home and put down their first consignment of luggage. Roxie and Morgan flops down onto the comfy seats and swing their feet up. Salem has a settee all to himself.
Roxie- <Sigh!> I have never been so happy to be home from a vacation in my entire life.
Sabrina- Yeah, well don’t get too comfortable because we are in full wedding mode. I’m getting married in less than twenty-four hours. (Clapping her hands)Move it ladies!... Is that too bossy?
Morgan- Not for marriage.
She and Roxie climb to their feet again and head for the kitchen.
Sabrina- (Calling out) Aaron!
There’s no answer so Sabrina presses the playback button on the answer phone.
Aaron- (Phone message) Sabrina, it’s Aaron. Listen, I need you to pick me up at the police station... and bring me some clothes... It’s a long story.
Salem- He walked out without his clothes, huh? Brain the size of a marble.
Sabrina- When we get to LA, we are so getting a dog!
Salem- Ghe?
Run credits.
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